Love: Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding.... - FML

By mammamia - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

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There's no helping some people

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Sensitive

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

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By Cat lover

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

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By jooshuarr - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

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By Kagura - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

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By blowinchunks - Canada

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

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By authorsubmit - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

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By eddie818 - Canada - Sidney

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

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By wow - United States

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

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By GLX - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

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By cheeseless - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my boss bitched me out on the sales floor for a good 10 minutes, because I wasn't "smiling the right way" for our customers. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML

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By allergyssuck

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I am allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I am allergic to it too. FML

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By f*ck - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

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By jealouspussy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

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By badluckryan - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

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By Physics fail. - United States

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

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By Unculturedsimp - 19/5/2020 17:00

Baby daddy

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

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By lefthandspanker - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

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By joanikens

Today, I was so broke, I couldn't come up with enough change to pay the parking meter at my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2021 20:00

Never go public

Today, I learned to keep your posts private on social media. Your boss might find your Facebook status updates saying, “I hate this shitty 9-5, I want to be on a beach with a margarita.” I got a call from him saying, “You’re terminated from the shitty 9-5, so you don’t have to anymore. Enjoy the beach!” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

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By Red Toad - 26/12/2020 20:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Holiday assumptions

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

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By zingle af

Erection for Protection

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock solid erection. FML

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By windthroughmyflab - United States

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

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By Noname - Australia

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

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By gutted - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

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By disappointed - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

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By FractalSanity - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

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By testesential - United States

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

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Top comments

By Chvdl | 0

#148377 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:11

Read the back of the box

By betsymonty | 0

#148382 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:12

F your sister's life. She'll regret that one day.
You did your bes... .except that maybe you should have read the back of the box.

COMMENTS

By Chvdl | 0

#148377 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:11

Read the back of the box

Reply

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#4370486 - Sunday 29 April 2012 21:11

Seriously.

By Chvdl | 0

#148379 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:11

Read the back of the box! Who rents a movie without checking whats it's about?

Reply

natepyron | 0

#927466 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 4:18

all she thought she needed to know was that her mom had been wanting to see it, it's not like she rented some random movie

By betsymonty | 0

#148382 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:12

F your sister's life. She'll regret that one day.
You did your bes... .except that maybe you should have read the back of the box.

By mrhahn530 | 0

#148384 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:12

Hahaha epic fail...

Reply

ilovechocochipz | 0

#931138 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:23

my words exacty

Reply

crazy_bananas | 31

#6604278 - Thursday 12 May 2016 20:41

Damn it you guys it's suppose to be, "My sentiments exactly". It's a line from the movie, Sam Carmichael played by Pierce Brosnan says it twice.

By RagingClue | 0

#148385 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:12

Hahahahahahahaha

Also, I have a raging clue.

By Sk8rJr | 0

#148390 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:13

LOL!!!! Dude, you invited that one. You should always read into the movie to make sure it's a good one to bring up the conversation in which your intending to talk about.

By TheCupcakeNinja | 0

#148411 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:16

Did you really not watch the previews/read the back of the box? It's even obvious on the front cover.

By fatfaceunited | 0

#148416 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:16

Why did you continue watching the movie? Once you got an idea about what is about in the first 10 minutes you should have watched something happier.

By starvingxartist | 0

#148422 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:17

Nice that you try to comfort your mom. DUR that all the Mamma Mia ads show her in a wedding dress?

By Hummingbird114 | 0

#148425 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:18

Really? ...like, really?

It's a tony award winning musical!

There were previews playing every five minutes on tv for like 4 months!

...or at least you could have read the back of the box.

EPIC FAIL