Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
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Top comments
takeittoem 8
And this is why it's important to pay attention in high school...
erptwerp 26
It will all just blow over in the end, I'm sure.
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Comments (96)
Schala360 27
...
MariaGiovanni 25
How insightful.
_behr_hugs_ 10
Well...
A07 48
Well as in what? A water well? or you're not well?
Leinster 2
Well?
prostar9993 15
Well, looks like you just wanted to be the first comment. You failed at that just like your comment failed to be funny or insightful.
izntdan 14
This argument seems blown out of proportion. I bet your friend that being dumb was hard to swallow
ghostriley 14
Ah, I see what you did there
takeittoem 8
And this is why it's important to pay attention in high school...
A07 48
Because that's where you learn how to give ********?
cheeeksss 29
Obviously referring to sex education, as in how to reproduce and (hopefully) prevent young pregnancy with safe sex procedures. If you understand how reproduction of the human body works, then you wouldn't think that swallowing would make you pregnant..
Tyrez 32
FML people taking things too literally as usual... The ******* thing was a joke, and a ******* funny one at that. But thanks for trying to enlighten us with your wisdom about what is actually going on.
A07 48
I miss the old times when people could actually stop being so uptight and take a joke instead of posting sections from Wikipedia to show their knowledge
Accurate_Vision 31
Yeah, me too. I I actually noticed your joke, if it helps.
Sammeydw 22
The sad thing is that some religions / some religious based school DO teach that both oral and non-oral sex can lead to pregnancy.
9a_1z 12
No need to get all snarky. This is the internet, you can't assume people will know you're joking from just plain text. Especially with all those genuine idiots out there.
Zebediabolical 45
If only schools were required to teach factaully accurate sex education. Last I looked I think only 19 are. And that only if they CHOOSE to teach sex ed.
JohnForge 13
Yeah, perhaps her friend was too busy doing something else, instead of paying attention to work/homework... Or maybe someone put it in her head... Honestly people, only way to get pregnant is by sperm in the ******...
MonstreBelle 29
My high school's sex ed was the abstinence-only bullshit The entire summary was pretty much: "Don't have sex until marriage. Condoms and contraceptives do nothing. You will get pregnant. If you don't get pregnant, you will catch a disease that will make your bush beaters and hairy axe wounds look like these pictures. Either way, you will die." I can only hope people from my school weren't paying attention and have forgotten all about it.
erptwerp 26
It will all just blow over in the end, I'm sure.
DR_TYRANOSAURUS 15
Dang, that joke blew me away good job
Zesty_Z 19
Probably a mind blowing conversation.
Pootato88 15
I bet she wasn't in sex-ed
MariaGiovanni 25
Maybe she was. "Don't have sex you'll get pregnant and die."
Tavers 19
That does seem to be the tone of a lot of sex ed classes nowadays. In my experience, the teacher didn't even think to mention safety. It was almost literally, "this is what it is, this is how you do it, go have all the unprotected sex you could dream of."
MariaGiovanni 25
That's seriously worrying. It's disturbing how many grown women don't understand their own bodies. Even if you weren't taught in school or by your parents at some point you need to take responsibility and learn. Shit they have pamphlets at the doctors office.
NamesIncognita 15
I knew everything about this shit when I was 9 already... it scares me to see old ass people not know about this stuff.and this is coming from a thirteen year old!
PANDORUM89 21
I was always informed my mother had Mr when she was 18 because my grandma refused to talk about sex. My aunt, who had my cousins when she was 16, locked both me and my female cousin in a room with her to talk about how to be safe. My mom never once lied to me but gave me all of my choices. That led to me being able to fully understand what was going on with myself and if I chose to have sex. Obviously I didn't fully comprehend everything when I was 8years old but as the years passed I would have a aha! moment and know what she meant. I fully agree with you #9 people that refuse to learn at least about their bodies surprises and irritates me because if there is one there are hundreds.
Redgy22 26
You think 26 is "ass old?" I actually just laughed out loud.
ohsnapitzcat3_ 6
It may not be "ass old" but it sure as hell is too old to not know how reproduction works.
8Dirty1 24
well that was a shot in the face
Tripartita 45
How the hell do you make it to 26 without learning that storks aren't notified in cases of sperm ingestion?
nyf137 20
Because all you need is a mommy and daddy who love each other very much and BAM.. the storks are on their way!