Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML
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Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML
Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML
Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML
Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML
Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML
Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML
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Top comments
MissEmma_fml 22
Forever alone.
DocBastard 38
You didn't look far enough. The real love of your life is the buffet across the room. Send me an invitation to the wedding.
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Comments (233)
MissEmma_fml 22
Forever alone.
featherygoose 9
He better find love soon cause YOLO.
ManInTheMachine 19
Dear mods, If the idiot above (feathergoosewhatever)will continue to stain the comments section with his shit, then at least make a fool out of him so it's entertaining for the rest of us. Sincerely, ManInTheMachine
Bluekaren16 19
Forever available :,(
innavoiG 9
Maybe there's a guy on the other side of the room and he'll turn around and they'll lock eyes like in the movies.
ArielTheMermaid 17
Everyone just wants someone to cuddle.......
Bluekaren16 19
59 - You're damn right! But for now I have to settle with my pillow. :(
XxDevilxXGt 26
No you don't understand, it was Chair! Chair has been waiting long for your love Op, it is time.
LMFAOwned 9
You called it, 1. I imagined OP having that rage face even before the comments loaded.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
~Ronery, I am so ronery...~
PinkieKeen 20
Well, I guess it's time to buy some cats and call it a day.
br0ccoli 14
125-I am shamelessly laughing at your comment. I know it's wrong, but it feels so right.
zandalee 19
Zee chair wants to love you long time...
sleet7 4
After reading this FML I immediately knew this would be the 1st comment. I was right! :D
Zoh_Aubrey 8
I can't believe you're at a Chinese buffet....alone.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
:(
nado13579 12
76- Is it your Marshpillow? :P
alyssaroxs 4
Haha
4rmMiami 4
I got that same fortune cookie, still single
andiewithlove 21
It could have been a family member!
Lindahhxd 7
Maybe it means that a person is gonna be there in the future! Don't be pessimistic! :)
bigtaytay 13
Beats the hell out of mine. The last fortune I opened said "go **** yourself"
smellymellyy 7
Maybe it means the old man on the table opposite?
Nbackus9 4
2, but it wasn't -.- it was no ond
Agsnow 7
haha it depends on the size of chair. Maybe in China many stuff have the self-meaning.
bluekid7 5
Chairs need love too OP
deBlobX 12
94-What?
Cat_Daniels 6
If you guys aren't smart enough to realize that this was a forever alone meme then I honestly don't know what to do.
lottievaughn 5
I'VE GOTTEN THIS ONE!!! And it WAS a family member! My 6 year old step son!!! I thought it was hilarious, he sunk in his seat and said '....embarrassing.' haha!
KingxRaven 2
wow u are gorgeous. respond if ur interested in possibly meeting a new guy. im 18 single 6' and 150 lbs and not ugly i promise
DocBastard 38
You didn't look far enough. The real love of your life is the buffet across the room. Send me an invitation to the wedding.
buck33 14
I would marry a buffet.
dead_insects 18
and at least you know the buffet will always put out, even after the nuptials! that's a win! ^_^
ImmaB3AST 7
A Buffett could toss your salad any day of the week ;)
5everalone 3
Reminds me of that Jack in the Box commercial: "You may now eat the bride"
njgohard 16
Only if there's unlimited bacon.
krylonpony 3
Technically speaking, the Chinese lady that refills the tubs of Chinese food. You know that one short one that you always have to side step when you have your plate to fill and she runs into you with steaming hot containers or olden Chinese delicacy.
lilmisslovely13 15
OP did say the only thing across from her. PS doc i love your blog
Mr_Krabs 5
Yes, because all fortune cookies should be taken seriously.
CoolRainbowdash 15
I know this is out of topic,but nice name.
TBelle4Ever 15
Did you know Mr. KRABS lives in BIKINI BOTTOM?
TheMystery_fml 6
Oh Eugene.. how I envy that money-finding nose of yours.
sunnyt 5
The only thing he takes seriously is money.. hehe
krylonpony 3
*mr lean approaches sad op* Aww let me play you a sad song on the worlds smallest violin.
I_lost_the_game 25
Mr Krabs likes fortune cookies, they don't cost him a fortune, they're free!
SierraaaNicoleee 26
Maybe it meant the chair. Chairs can be quite lovable.
KiddNYC1O 20
Yup, taboo.
ittsdann 6
If you don't flip the chair upside down then you won't get any love from it.
KiddNYC1O 20
Five people haven't seen Taboo.
laden_swallow09 34
Maybe the reference was passed over because the title wasn't capitalized? I know I would have if I didn't make a double-take.
KiddNYC1O 20
True.
Khariau 8
People have married trees...
calilovesneb 12
Some of those things are a lawsuit waiting to happen. I got one once that said I was going to get in a car accident soon.
DocBastard 38
So I assume you sued the cookie?
Psych101 9
"Local fortune cookie wins lawsuit over aspiring lawyer!" I don't understand how you, someone who wants to be lawyer, think you can sue a cookie.
SkoomaKi 27
*checks #6's location* It's okay she's from America, she can sue the cookie!
ImmaB3AST 7
And people like this is what makes us Americans look bad.
Mauskau 35
She wants to be a writer yet she can't even write on her profile properly.
fbear10 5
Dont hate:/ comments are made so you can speak your mind, you cant tell me you always think straight, you people are so rude and selfcentered that you couldnt even feel how rude and insensitive you were being to this girl youre shattering her goals, Yeah thats right thumb me down. I dont give 2 *****.
Lionesse 15
She can be added to the infamous list of Americans who try to sue for the most moronic things ever. One lady tried to sue Disneyland because their food made her fat.. People like that need a slap in face.
ManInTheMachine 19
Watch out, we've got a badass over here! And his name happens to be fbear. Hmm. Honestly, if you know you're not thinking straight, then don't comment. And if what's on your mind is stupid, stuff it; preferably up your ass, where your head most likely is.
fbear10 5
Who the **** said im a his?
ManInTheMachine 19
That's all you're complaining about? My gender usage? Fine, here: *her Shit, I've gotten a better argument out of a vegetable.
Psych101 9
79- I hear carrots are quite compelling.
fbear10 5
Cuzi have a life
ManInTheMachine 19
84-So you're shit at arguing because you have a life? Please, keep talking. It's very entertaining.
fbear10 5
Instead of pursuing a useless subject , I suggest you do something that will do something in ur life :) so stop posting cuz now im not gonna reply .:)
The_Weirdo 10
71, you are right in saying comments are for speaking your mind, so if I don't like a comment, why should I water things down? If I make fun of someone, I am honestly speaking my mind. If I call someone a dumb ass, that is what is on my mind. Is it rude? Sure. Is it insensitive? Yeah. I still have every right to say that though, and don't tell me otherwise. If she can't handle other's opinions, it is on her to defend herself, or get over it.
Groaty12 0
Ur soooooo pretty!!!
ManInTheMachine 19
I'm the one pursuing a useless subject? Shall I remind you that you're replying to my comments too? But I guess trying to get the last word in counts as "doing something that will do something (whatever the **** that means) in my life." Night night troll. Nice chatting with you.
Slender_Man 6
54- hey! I'm from America and I'm not THAT stupid. It's probably cause I'm half Italian.
dead_insects 18
@60...sadly yes (T_T)
MrBubblez98 13
It's sad to say that we both come from Canada... I'm ashamed that our country can produce losers like you...
WafflebotO_O 4
Do something that will do something..fer cryin out loud It is what it is :p
Zoh_Aubrey 8
I love being an American, but I'm not going to lie, we have more idiots than pebbles.
jizzwold 21
I have never seen someone who is as 13 years old as fbear is. You are the embodiment of everything I hate.
nachos99 0
I think she meant sue the company that makes the fortune cookie. Also stories of Americans frivolously suing the shit out of businesses are usually a) total bullshit or b)half truths with information left out. There was an article about it on Cracked.
Psych101 9
194- Even if she did mean sue the company, which I'm sure she did, then it was still a stupid suggestion. If I walk up to you and yell you that you're going to get into a car crash, are you going to sue me? No way. Because, like the fortune cookie, I didn't actually do anything.
MelTheGreat 23
Ancient Chinese secret says you're going to be flying solo forever.
winnerme123 8
Sometimes that isn't a bad thing.
ant1078 7
Shoulda waited till someone sat in that chair!
Dunvanation 4
Yeah shoulda waited forever. Alone.
Dunvanation 4
Yeah shoulda waited forever. Alone.
Jeffo193 13
I had that once. My brother was sitting opposite me. We laughed at how weird it was, I ate the cookie and resumed talking about movies.
JOcoco 14
That happened to me too. Except it was my sister and instead of proceeding to talk about movies, she winked and whispered 'I love you'...
amatoy 11
Too bad that ending "in bed" to the end of this one doesn't make for a funny conciliatory prize.
DracoSpirita 21
Neither does the ending "in your pants", unfortunately.
amatoy 11
*adding. I checked for typos, too. Dangit.
j_cat187 19
"You will have a very successful career" - in bed