Work: Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous...

By duko3000 - 06/06/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 3 474

Work

Leave us alone

Tits McGee

Get me out of here

By smsmall - 03/10/2011 12:08 - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 4 165

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 744

You deserved it 20 533

By fatty - 07/06/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 631

You deserved it 10 552

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 594

You deserved it 3 333

By joolsie - 13/04/2012 13:11 - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 231

You deserved it 31 875

By TacoMan32 - 06/12/2016 04:26 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 096

You deserved it 618

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 394

You deserved it 14 338

By minimazing - 07/10/2018 05:00

Today, my husband of 5 months admitted he is jealous of my dog. I've had the dog for 16 years. He admits to wanting to drop it off at the shelter while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 489

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 24/07/2016 03:18 - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 1 401

Pubeblocked

By PubelishedAuthor - 15/03/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 718

You deserved it 33 133

By BestBF - 23/04/2013 23:22 - United States - Omaha

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 204

You deserved it 8 702

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 380

You deserved it 52 147

Uber sister

By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 156

By Stephanie Peugh - 15/04/2018 19:30 - United States - Loudonville

Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 249

You deserved it 298

By kady - 04/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 6 615

Big bang on the horizon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 12:01

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 17:29 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 749

You deserved it 851

By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 755

You deserved it 3 546

By stillaproudfather - 22/05/2014 19:24 - United States

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 837

You deserved it 6 672

By Posty - 18/05/2009 18:38 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 522

You deserved it 26 675

By pregz - 27/02/2015 22:23 - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 2 616

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 489

You deserved it 46 607

Awks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 04:56 - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 599

You deserved it 10 037

By flaps - 19/08/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 699

You deserved it 95 313

By QuietGirlSucks - 30/08/2016 15:51 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 680

You deserved it 4 671

By Cougar - 24/07/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 596

You deserved it 5 186

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 04:27 - United States - Panama City

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 116

You deserved it 2 509

By dinapar - 14/07/2009 14:02 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 872

You deserved it 4 951

It says a lot of shit

By Imnotfromhere - 26/06/2021 00:01

Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says i shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 276

By sadgirl - 23/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 876

You deserved it 56 112

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 892

You deserved it 45 009

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 2 132

By Stigmamma - 12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 232

By DMO - 07/07/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 710

You deserved it 63 789

By Tara - 31/10/2008 07:06 - Sweden

Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 957

You deserved it 52 196

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 310

By Tragic - 27/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 172

You deserved it 6 812

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 508

You deserved it 3 145

By jeezy - 23/02/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 235

You deserved it 3 275

By UnpaidBabysitter - 07/08/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a 10-year-old who kept shouting, a belligerent 7-year-old, two 5-year-olds who thought hitting me was funny and two 2-year-olds, who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 180

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Top comments

Boon_fml 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:20

You kind of deserve it.... I'm pretty sure you're supposed to ask someone if they will give you a reference before you put them down for one, so that way they have some notice and aren't surprised when a potential employer calls them.

101393101393 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:17

Start a new life and call yourself "Pete 'O Grande." Get it Spanish-speaking people? Har har har.

gotdapowa 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:04

first! XD

Fml37 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:04

7373683934th!

mylifeblows3232 3

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:05

ur mom

101393101393 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:14

start a new life and name yourself Pete 'O Grande. Get it Spanish-speaking people? Har har har.

SciGuy013 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:06

That sucks op. there's not much you can do about that.

AbnormalAshley 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:07

gjcjh?!?)?

phreshboi 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:08

hahaha that's funny take him off the reference sheet then

AbnormalAshley 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:09

Oh and uh that sucks

FML_Leet 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:13

It's called by more Social so people can remember you....

Vanni 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:20

Here's a novel idea. Follow the rules!

Vanni 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:33

I didn't misspell anything, seeing as how I didn't write that. I don't know why you would announce to a moderator that you came back after being banned, seeing as how that defeats the purpose of our ban.

seanreddog 4

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:46

Talk to to corporate (like a boss) Approve memos (like a boss) Lead a workshop (like a boss) Remember birthdays (like a boss) Forget employees (like a boss)!!!!!!

kurrri 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 0:07

When applying for a job there is usually a place asking you to list your previous employers. He never said he listed his boss under reference.. I'm 16 and have only filled out two applications and I even know that.

ticklemechantell 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 0:22

35, haaaa =) that made my day

jacketfootball 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 2:04

that song kicks ass

pseudolife 4

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Monday 7 June 2010 3:54

#7 has a point. YDI for not informing your former employer that you were using them as a reference.

NiZmO_Z32 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 5:24

Way to make an impression.

omgurkidding27 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 10:42

The first comment was removed so I'm not thread jacking. Oh and this comment is so late no one will give a shit.

dax002 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:05

you must ghave made a big impression on your old boss!!!

wreckem881 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:36

sue your boss for everything he's got! lol

hobozrule 4

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:12

sucks

x_Elle_x 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:14

Depends on how long you worked there and if it was a big place with a lot of staff.

HoesInaBox 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:14

YDI, how did you ever expect to get a promotion if you're a ghost to everyone else!?

101393101393 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:17

Start a new life and call yourself "Pete 'O Grande." Get it Spanish-speaking people? Har har har.

HoesInaBox 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:24

That must be the long lost Spanish brother of Dixie Normus :D

fawfulster 11

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:12

Explanation: Pete O'Grande = Pito grande = Spanish for big dick

Boon_fml 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:20

Namenlos_fml 20

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:28

Well, on the bright side, now you know the problem that needs to be fixed.

Xavi89 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:28

hahaha

Stevefett 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:29

11- Maybe they were so inconsequential that he never knew that OP worked there. Like maybe someone else hired them and the manager never really knew them. God I'm weird.