Love: Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date... - FML

By kill the audience - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

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Mother of the year

This Charming Man

Out of the frying pan

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

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By sad45 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

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By lily - 13/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Disinterested

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

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By dreamdude - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

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By ginya - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

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By no good deed - 23/7/2020 20:02

It's the thought that counts

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

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By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

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By Dig4life - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

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By leapple - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

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By 2.5-long-months - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

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By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

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By Jackey

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

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By roomatewoes - United States - Northfield

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

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By new 2 twitter

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

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By GOAWAY - United States - Jefferson City

Creepy guy

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2020 15:02 - South Africa

Fun-filled vacation together!

Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML

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By redhanded - United States

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

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By

Picture game

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

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By Scarlett - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

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By Leauge - United States - Owensboro

Very smart

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

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By leahkasscar

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister, who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

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By SADlilAZN - United States

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

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By nasty_ex - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Looks

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

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By Anonymous

The Girl Can't Help It

Today, I got fired from my job for having a resting bitch face when I get frustrated or when I'm concentrating on my work. According to them, I have to work on my "anger issues." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

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Top comments

By ThatTallChick508 | 7

#6711488 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:21

So... did you guys get dinner or no?

By alex_gen | 38

#6711483 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:16

Well at least you both have patience. Hopefully you realized this immediately and went to talk to him, and be able to laugh this off later on, if you guys are compatible.

COMMENTS

By GlennGuagmire | 20

#6711482 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:12

Stay if he's attractive to u and run if he's not

Reply

warner69 | 8

#6711486 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:17

wtf is your problem

Reply

SoulFrog | 7

#6711614 - Friday 11 November 2016 15:53

That's so shallow

Reply

pjsr | 32

#6711663 - Friday 11 November 2016 19:23

I'm pretty sure she's not in the restaurant waiting on your advice on what to do, #1

Reply

Arashikage | 18

#6711729 - Friday 11 November 2016 22:18

If everyone followed your advice you'd probably have a lot of people run from you.

Reply

rockninja | 21

#6711907 - Saturday 12 November 2016 11:05

that's a disgrace to what glenn guagmire would say.

By alex_gen | 38

#6711483 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:16

Well at least you both have patience. Hopefully you realized this immediately and went to talk to him, and be able to laugh this off later on, if you guys are compatible.

Reply

sophiehelen | 32

#6711770 - Saturday 12 November 2016 1:29

Agreed, and they'd also have a really good 'how we met' story to tell people

By camacho__23 | 9

#6711484 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:16

Hmm, and you never once thought about calling...not to be rude but YDI

By ThatTallChick508 | 7

#6711488 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:21

So... did you guys get dinner or no?

By framaram | 9

#6711496 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ChiefKoala | 30

#6711500 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:44

What part of blind date did you not understand?

Reply

framaram | 9

#6711505 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:48

well it never said if she wore glasses or not?! obviously..

Reply

Sevarog | 13

#6711533 - Friday 11 November 2016 9:30

Dude... Blind date means they have never seen eachother before, so there was no way they could have recognized eachother.

Reply

ellabellaboom | 24

#6711539 - Friday 11 November 2016 10:05

#8 whoa...you're trolling right?

Reply

framaram | 9

#6711552 - Friday 11 November 2016 11:47

#17 lol the name of the date is a bit confusing to me.. but still.

Reply

Bibblejomin | 18

#6712115 - Sunday 13 November 2016 6:55

I think it's retarded

By RichardPencil | 30

#6711507 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:49

How did neither of you notice the other for a full hour?

Did you meet on Plenty Of Autistic Fish.com?

Reply

kristinjeaneen | 21

#6711508 - Friday 11 November 2016 7:53

A) that's offensive to the autistic community. B) you're the dumbass who can't read. The FML clearly states it was a BLIND date.

Reply

framaram | 9

#6711520 - Friday 11 November 2016 8:36

I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you or your community. An attempted joke I suppose.

Reply

silvermoon5033 | 26

#6711530 - Friday 11 November 2016 9:06

That isn't a joke.

Reply

Sevarog | 13

#6711534 - Friday 11 November 2016 9:33

PlentyOfAutisticFish.com... It's clearly meant to be a joke, but it's retarded, since it was a blind date.

Reply

framaram | 9

#6711554 - Friday 11 November 2016 11:50

#16 are you against autistic people finding love?! heartless.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#6711559 - Friday 11 November 2016 12:18

Sorry.

I was just pointing out how two people couldn't look around and recognize the other's situation. Seems like someone who is trapped in their own world.

Didn't mean to offend.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#6711574 - Friday 11 November 2016 13:24

#23, not what I suggested. Don't need your fake outrage.

By filip00 | 16

#6711510 - Friday 11 November 2016 8:11

How about using your mobile phone and letting your date know you're at the spot? This is a YDI for both of you.

Reply

Catdragon | 40

#6712861 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 1:36

Not everyone has mobile phones. I have a home phone and a computer.

By Moerighan | 23

#6711518 - Friday 11 November 2016 8:35

Did you not have your phones and ask where each other was? That is a thing nowadays.

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6711521 - Friday 11 November 2016 8:36

I've never done a blind date but I'd presume that there would be some pre arranged signal or cue so that you can find each other. YDI if this was not arranged before hand

Reply

dragonborngirlll | 5

#6711528 - Friday 11 November 2016 9:03

It was a blind date. op didn't arrange anything obviously

By neuronerd | 28

#6711544 - Friday 11 November 2016 10:27

Well, if you end up liking each other and it worked out after you realized you were each other's dates, you have one of those adorably humorous "how we met" stories.