Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I bought a Halloween fog machine to make my front yard look spooky. I didn’t realize it would set off my house's fire alarm when I tested it before putting it on the front porch. I ended up outside in full costume while firefighters checked my “haunted” house. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML
Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML
Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML
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Top comments
extremereviews 26
At least you know your neighbors care about you
tigerisabelle 31
You're pissed cause it ruined the romantic atmosphere, but at least if there ever was a fire, you'd be safe. I don't think they did anything wrong, how were they to know you were lighting torches?
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Comments (103)
Timpa70 18
How the f is that being a "********"?
pjsr 33
Who lights actual torches inside the house!? Did you ever hear of candles?
icaneverwin 3
Torch is another word for flashlight in the UK...I'm assuming OP must mean something like a lantern...
britt1033 4
a Halloween torch is a decoration that simulates a real torch with no actual flame and is battery operated...
Brandi_Faith 34
As 32 has said, they are meant to simulate a real torch or flame, so I don't understand how Op can be upset with the neighbours considering a lot of those fake candles and flames flicker and are made to look like a real flame. No there wasn't smoke, but as others have mentioned it was at night, it was inside, smoke doesn't always pour out of the house right away, and if there's a real fire do you really want your neighbours waiting around till they see smoke pouring out of your house before they call 911? The more smoke and fire the more damage. Sounds like they did exactly what they should have. :)
captainsmegma 12
Am I the only one thinking orgy?
RedPillSucks 33
With the firemen and their "hoses"?
Ichiya 29
They would help getting everybody wet.
qdawg06 23
They seem like very concerned neighbours and that can either be a great thing or the worst thing ever...
rabbit_yogurt 11
OP said '******** neighbors' so I'm gonna assume they called the cops to be assholes and not out of neighborly concern.
Ki11erC 18
@18 did you even read the FML? They called the fire brigade.
rabbit_yogurt 11
sorry I meant the 'fire department'. at the time I was typing this, I was thinking of people who have called the cops just to create a bit of drama and something to see :P was a bit distracted when commenting earlier.
howbout_thisone 13
Candles not enough? I don't think the neighbors did anything wrong. They thought your house was on fire and did what any normal person would do. Sucks the moment was ruined but stick to candles in the future, maybe.
Ki11erC 18
Candles really are fire. Here in the uk, where this happened, they were just torches, usually need batteries and power a little light bulb.
AFaye3964 17
Maybe they just wanted to be a **** blocks for Halloween.
demonfacee 14
Am I the only one who can imagine this as a porno?
maharb01 17
nope. . .firemen come in with their huge. . . . hoses. completely realistic!
knoxxx 22
They wanted to trick ya because you were getting a treat.
Hiktmae 20
You're lucky to have neighbors like them, calling them dickheads is rude when all they did was look out for your safety.