Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML
Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. I moved in a couple of bags and realized I really needed to poop. It’s been 10 minutes since I realized I hadn’t brought the toilet paper in yet. No one to bring me any. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, in a grocery store, the cashier asked if we found everything OK. Before I could answer, my kid said, “Mom says the shop smells like poor people.” I don’t even remember saying that, but judging by the cashier’s face it must be a family business. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store for three items. I left with two full bags and forgot the one thing I actually needed. I didn’t realize until I got home, unpacked everything, and stared at the empty counter in disbelief. Next on my list: start making lists. FML
Today, my mom told me to take the trash out. I started to, but then I saw that the trash can had been rolled out to the curb, so I went to my room to put on shoes. My mom apparently took this as me deciding not to take the trash out, as she not only yelled at me, but growled and hissed as well. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
I don’t know if it’s a language barrier or what, but I would agree that “groceries” means “stuff you bought at the supermarket or wherever”.
Bogrbon 27
Technically groceries are just food items, but anytime I say anything about bringing in the groceries, or my parents or any one I have ever met they generally mean all the things you bought. I can only imagine the looks you’d get if next time you left the shampoo and tooth paste and paper towels and said, “but you only wanted the groceries, right?” Who in their right mind doesn’t specify “bring the groceries in, but leave ______ in the car” when they don’t want everything?
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Tell your mom you have pica and toilet paper is food to you, therefore, it is groceries.
Anderling 33
I don’t know if it’s a language barrier or what, but I would agree that “groceries” means “stuff you bought at the supermarket or wherever”.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe CPS ought to visit to solve this conundrum!
Bogrbon 27
Technically groceries are just food items, but anytime I say anything about bringing in the groceries, or my parents or any one I have ever met they generally mean all the things you bought. I can only imagine the looks you’d get if next time you left the shampoo and tooth paste and paper towels and said, “but you only wanted the groceries, right?” Who in their right mind doesn’t specify “bring the groceries in, but leave ______ in the car” when they don’t want everything?
diraven 15
My dog eats toilet paper, so there.
Yudith 28
Does your dog craps little gift packages with the toilet paper all around?
D J's MOM 17
it's not you, she's just a bitch. basically tp is groceries because she got it from the grocery store. nuff said.
kitten79TX 5
Um...when I tell my kids, "bring in the groceries," it means I want them to bring in everything I purchased from the grocery store. And if one of them left non-food items in the car and said, "You told me to bring in the groceries, that means only food," I'd be pissed and they'd be in trouble for trying to be smart asses. I'm on your side with this one.