Work: Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran... - FML

By Mnm54312 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

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Sorry…

Facts over feelings

Pompous twat

By thanksdad - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

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By bill - United States

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By BowlofCherries - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

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By abercrombieef - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

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By beccav23 - United States

He's got the moves

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

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By race - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML

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By This_Is_Me1982 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

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By

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By Alone - 27/12/2020 13:58 - Italy

Happy Holidays

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

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By barbieissocute - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

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By sadinmass - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

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By windsoffate - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

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By thelandofoz - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

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By manhood fading away - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML

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By Alice - United States

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

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By Nicholas Laughton

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

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By Squeak - United States - Fort Bragg

Poor Despereaux

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

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By Blanche Dubois - United States - Birmingham

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

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By whyme - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

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By dormeur - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By bargainshopper - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

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By dumbass stereotypes - 25/3/2020 20:00

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

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By princess - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

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By thesadone - United States

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

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By mrmatt008 - France

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

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Top comments

By tj4234 | 35

#6643065 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:16

On the plus side, you can now carshare.

By hotheadslav | 17

#6643049 - Monday 4 July 2016 17:57

I guess you'll be supervised on your everyday life now!

COMMENTS

By vmorgantank | 15

#6643047 - Monday 4 July 2016 17:55

Man that stinks

By theoldman | 22

#6643048 - Monday 4 July 2016 17:57

Unless you plan on calling off 'sick' all the time, I really don't see why this is a FML.

By hotheadslav | 17

#6643049 - Monday 4 July 2016 17:57

I guess you'll be supervised on your everyday life now!

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6643061 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:06

I hope not. If my supervisor lived near me and did that, I'd quit. No need to put up with that mess.

By summer4me | 25

#6643053 - Monday 4 July 2016 17:58

I don't really see how this is an FML unless you two don't have a good working relationship. Hope things aren't too bad for you OP!

By krfenton8 | 15

#6643059 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:05

What are you gunna do? Smoke weed and get wasted on week nights? This really isn't that much of an fml.

By tj4234 | 35

#6643065 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:16

On the plus side, you can now carshare.

By CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6643077 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:44

Your supervisor from work? That's my best guess

Reply

jasonrellet | 22

#6643113 - Monday 4 July 2016 19:49

He said just that

Reply

goman693 | 13

#6643177 - Monday 4 July 2016 21:33

He was answering the last question in the FML to be "funny". #11

By Rammer3500 | 23

#6643082 - Monday 4 July 2016 18:48

Perfect chance to carpool!

By frostedfoster | 15

#6643090 - Monday 4 July 2016 19:22

My supervisor is actually pretty chill. As much as we get along, seeing him everyday outside of work as well as in /would/ be kind of taxing. I get it.

By grigri75 | 35

#6643123 - Monday 4 July 2016 20:01

That's not necessarily a bad thing