Work: Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on...

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 3 485

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Same thing different taste

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 459

You deserved it 31 237

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 209

You deserved it 2 474

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 4 091

Hold me close young Tony Danza

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 05:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 837

You deserved it 4 971

By DUMMIE - 04/03/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 642

You deserved it 30 311

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 44 869

By Nobody - 10/10/2009 12:07 - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 5 206

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 305

You deserved it 3 859

Pump it up

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, I'd signed up to try a workout class at the gym. However, as soon as the instructor started the class, I realized it was much more intense than I had anticipated. I ended up passing out and had to be carried out of the class by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 234

s3kShUn47 20

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:17

In front of multiple people? And you, nor anybody else said anything about it..?

Greenteamextreme 16

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:19

Should have kicked him in the nuts and blamed it on those final death throes!

Comments

s3kShUn47 20

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:17

In front of multiple people? And you, nor anybody else said anything about it..?

sayyestothedress 24

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:52

And that kids is how I met your mother

Vegetarian27 24

Wednesday 29 October 2014 11:48

And that, kids, is why I had him up for sexual assault.

TheSwegMaster69 11

Wednesday 29 October 2014 23:18

And that, kids, is where this joke ceases to be funny anymore.

martin_dustinc 8

Friday 31 October 2014 4:49

^ because you ruined it.

Greenteamextreme 16

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:19

Should have kicked him in the nuts and blamed it on those final death throes!

silvercamaro 22

Wednesday 29 October 2014 1:02

I think this is one of those times that a sexual harassment claim is due

JaffaMC 13

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:19

He was trying to recover you- with love

miianah1 22

Wednesday 29 October 2014 1:29

2014 edition of sleeping beauty. Light, romantic kiss: nope Sweet, meaningful hug: too mainstream Groping of the boobs: ;)

tigerisabelle 31

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:21

Well if you're ever dying, at least people will try to perform CPR on you. You know. Cause of your boobs.

Fishin_for_Coins 7

Wednesday 29 October 2014 20:04

Maybe your brain was to starved of oxygen when you wrote this comment.(Get it,CPR,Oxygen...)

LeBandit 20

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:22

"accidentally"

devildog562 33

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:22

That's the new advanced form of CPR . Didn't you know ? Very titalizing .

Ichiya 29

Wednesday 29 October 2014 1:48

Its the breast form they have found. I heard some guys are really milking it though.

FunnnyGirrl 19

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:22

You should've kicked him in the balls and then tell him that you were just returning the favour

sockoiid 13

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:25

When it was your turn to practice on him, you should have leaned a knee into his balls, it'll teach him!

pjsr 32

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:27

I bet that got his heart beating

RitRit 20

Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:28

Practicing chest compressions, I see.

Keywords

Love Christmas Break-ups Money Annoying Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY

The Top

Today, I was working a concert ticket booth. A lady gave me her ticket, I punched it, and told her to enjoy the show. She asked for the “hotel.” Apparently, she thought that the concert ticket cost included a hotel stay, since she traveled from out of state. She cussed me out and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 76

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 157

The Top

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 3 911

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 937

You deserved it 266

Today, it's been four straight nights of terrible nightmares. I’m afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 115

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 747

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 854

You deserved it 19 994

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 097

You deserved it 4 891

Same thing different taste

Hold me close young Tony Danza

Baywatch

Pump it up

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