Health: Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 35

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 135

28/10/2014 21:58

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 760

You deserved it 2 722

Broken heart

You tried

CPTSD

Stranger danger

By erin - 02/04/2021 10:59

Today, I saw a girl with the same shirt as me. I excitedly pointed it out. She punched me in the face. I didn’t think people actually got mad about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 73

Animal control

By possum oh possum - 02/05/2021 05:01

Today, I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got blackout drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies, until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now it’s loose somewhere in my house and I can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 106

18/02/2012 15:49

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 578

You deserved it 33 955

28/04/2019 02:00

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 420

06/06/2012 16:25

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 086

You deserved it 2 640

Road rage

By Xtine - 23/06/2009 04:44

Today, while on the road, I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up, and pissing off, several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 569

You deserved it 46 229

09/08/2019 16:00

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 255

16/12/2011 14:59

Today, after I sent around 300 entries to a competition hosted by a deodorant company where the main prize is a trip to Hawaii, spending around 5 hours sending the entries, I won a deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 36 871

11/05/2011 17:51

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 3 393

20/08/2009 14:39

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 849

You deserved it 153 091

01/07/2016 01:20

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 598

You deserved it 883

25/10/2011 12:42

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 21 256

27/01/2016 17:11

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 653

You deserved it 1 465

27/06/2012 20:02

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 5 324

Red Sox Nation

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 133

25/10/2016 20:54

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 231

You deserved it 2 515

27/06/2010 18:03

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 952

You deserved it 3 775

Baller

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 17:00

Today, my popular friend stole another girl's boyfriend. She didn't keep him very long, though. In fact, she only kept him until I finally got together with my crush. Then she decided she had to have HIM. She succeeded, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 156

25/06/2013 23:26

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 802

You deserved it 5 337

14/03/2011 14:44

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 710

You deserved it 10 046

01/07/2016 03:31

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 1 454

01/04/2012 03:01

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 195

You deserved it 2 861

Great surprise

By Deployed - 07/12/2019 14:00

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 591

You deserved it 175

21/11/2010 18:44

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 338

You deserved it 2 790

Opening old wounds

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 12:01

Today, I was cleaning out the garage and found one of my old science fair projects. It was disqualified for outside help and cheating. I didn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 56

08/01/2013 10:40

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 239

You deserved it 6 417

07/01/2013 00:24

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 38 401

05/12/2010 00:08

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 3 467

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 228

27/05/2009 18:37

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 089

You deserved it 2 964

25/06/2009 02:06

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 7 340

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 101

18/01/2016 01:48

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 102

You deserved it 1 610

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 305

26/09/2014 21:07

Spicy

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 070

You deserved it 8 163

03/12/2011 18:19

Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year old". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 661

You deserved it 4 095

11/09/2016 07:27

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 130

You deserved it 1 675

03/06/2017 12:00

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 773

You deserved it 2 191

06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 368

You deserved it 2 506

02/04/2009 23:05

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 391

You deserved it 12 498

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:03

Oh nose

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:09

Scarred that kid from choir for life . Well played sir .

Comments

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:03

Oh nose

coming back in the future 30

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 7:37

Bloody hell

sayyestothedress 24

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Thursday 30 October 2014 0:33

Don't give yourself a nosebleed...oh wait

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Thursday 30 October 2014 3:21

It's a whole new woooorrrll-- ahhh nosebleed

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:03

I know dem feelz

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:13

I'm afraid you're on your own on that…

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:09

Scarred that kid from choir for life . Well played sir .

thespiantess 18

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 8:52

That sounds like something that would happen in the beginning of a Dr. House episode.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:11

Was your play a re-enactment of an anime?

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Thursday 30 October 2014 0:38

Was it Carrie? Then it would have sorta worked.

HappyItalian 38

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:11

All I can think of is Wednesday and Pugsley Addams when they did their play on stage and began squirting the front row of the audience with their "blood".

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:12

I guess you could say... You smelt the pressure!

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:22

I guess you could say... a swing and a miss!

AnOriginalName 19

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 7:53

That wasn't a swing and a miss. That was so dreadful that you're still sitting on the bench, awaiting your great opportunity to even take a swing.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:13

So, was it a successful solo?

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 8:09

im going to assume that it wasn't because of the nose bleed. unless he let it drip through the solo lol

ahippienamedrae 10

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:13

And then what happened?

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:19

Why do you have to be so nosey?

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:16

How are people saying OP deserves this??

rocker_chick23 27

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:20

some people vote YDI because they are assholes.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:20

They want the ydi badge, or they're just irrational. Unless op was doing a little booger sugar to get ready to perform haha.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:22

Those five could have also accidentally pushed the wrong button too.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:54

That's happened to me too many times.

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 7:31

or they think posting on fml because of a nose bleed is weak as f**k

rabbit_yogurt 11

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 6:21

at least you didn't get stage fright with a disturbing twitch on your cheek and eye. always happens to me with a room full of people. it gets bad enough where i can't see out of one of my eyes because the twitch blocks my sight. it also looks like i am half smiling. people laugh.