Love: Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought...

By anon - 16/03/2015 04:10 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 2 570

Love

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Tasty

How could you forget?

Gummy

By madeleine - 08/04/2021 05:00

Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 251

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 937

By WonderWall09 - 08/05/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 682

You deserved it 4 772

By bluecollar - 26/02/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 911

You deserved it 52 881

By Anonymous - 08/05/2011 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 687

You deserved it 35 687

By Jokkim - 20/06/2016 18:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 297

You deserved it 5 480

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 181

You deserved it 4 536

By boyfriendless - 10/04/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 792

You deserved it 6 168

By Savannah - 15/06/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 54 983

Drunk

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 17:59

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 392

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 274

By Third trimester - 26/05/2017 17:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 616

You deserved it 392

By One less friend... - 17/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, thinking my ex-gothic friend was going through another "wear all black" phase, I walked up to her and jokingly asked who died. Her father. Her father died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 735

You deserved it 3 839

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 298

You deserved it 6 729

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 8 119

By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 2 293

By cdoyle - 08/04/2009 12:32 - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 475

You deserved it 110 429

By joxerthemighty39 - 01/02/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 773

You deserved it 3 423

By whatislife1969 - 08/10/2017 04:30

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 4 753

By lanbon182 - 10/04/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250 640

You deserved it 31 174

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 136

By Anonymous - 20/07/2017 23:00 - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 048

You deserved it 509

By fine - 28/02/2015 05:22 - United States - Danvers

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 317

You deserved it 4 668

By Noname - 19/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 276

You deserved it 3 744

By Giraafe - 09/05/2016 17:53 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 1 222

By uuuuugh - 21/01/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 068

You deserved it 7 576

By youshitme - 25/11/2009 14:45 - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 7 810

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 6 727

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 5 732

By 2young4birds&bees - 24/10/2016 15:53

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 696

You deserved it 708

By NotALuckyGuy - 07/04/2015 16:19 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 006

You deserved it 47 249

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

By Bogrbon - 21/04/2020 14:00

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 276

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 711

By suspiciouspeople - 05/08/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 510

You deserved it 5 217

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 12:05 - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 206

You deserved it 2 903

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 07:11 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 5 220

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 207

You deserved it 7 021

Love is hell

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 19/05/2021 02:00

Today, I found out the love of my life was talking to his ex. She chose to contact me, including screenshots of him begging her to, "Save me from this crazy bitch, she's trying to kill herself," while I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I financially supported him through the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 136

By Storm - 23/09/2011 03:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 5 898

By Cats...FML - 17/10/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 3 324

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Top comments

ihartmytdi 23

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:53

Send a text back saying "I know Dad, but he's my boyfriend - even if he is an ass"

EverestMelting 23

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:51

He was probably just messing with you. But if not, that doesn't sound too good

sweetbliss3 37

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:50

so, maybe you want to talk about that comment with him. good luck.

UndyingKarma 19

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:51

at least he is somewhat defending her, instead of just letting his parents say what they want

sweetbliss3 37

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:54

true, but when you capitalize something in a certain context, it's usually not a good sign.

EverestMelting 23

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:51

He was probably just messing with you. But if not, that doesn't sound too good

jentrynicole 20

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:52

He doesn't seem like THAT great of a boyfriend.

mellajella 14

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Monday 16 March 2015 17:05

Why? He was defending her to his mother.

rachelfromtarget 14

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Monday 16 March 2015 18:38

#4 I agree. If my boyfriends mom were to say something negative about me I would want a greater defense then that. Even a simple, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" would be better.

jentrynicole 20

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 0:06

I just feel that if my boyfriend were to defend me I wouldn't want him to basically say, "She's not the best, but she's not bad."

EmperorChowilio 21

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 4:53

What if he's just being honest?

Rich531 21

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:53

"Come on gf, she isn't that much oh a bitch"

ihartmytdi 23

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:53

Send a text back saying "I know Dad, but he's my boyfriend - even if he is an ass"

Rinat_fml 26

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Monday 16 March 2015 18:46

You're hot.

the_fanciest_man 15

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Monday 16 March 2015 19:49

You do realize OP's boyfriend was standing up (kind of) for OP? Not a very good reason to call him an ass to me.

ihartmytdi 23

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Monday 16 March 2015 22:13

While I agree somewhat that he was backing her, my comment is more geared towards the implication that she's problematic through the boyfriend suggesting that she isn't "that" bad. I think was rude and ass-like of him.

the_fanciest_man 15

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 21:41

But remember - that was supposed to be a text from him to his mother with nobody else involved. It would be different if he said it out loud at a family dinner.

ForComments 1

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Saturday 11 July 2015 19:29

I suggest you not listen to this petty asshole.

Deku_Cutie 12

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:54

Why is it that people often open the wrong conversation when talking to someone?

wildgenius 13

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Monday 16 March 2015 17:06

Yeah ikr. I mean what are the actual chances that you're texting someone and then "accidentally" start typing to the wrong person. I think OP's boyfriend was just messing with her. That's actually the type of thing I'd do.

wildgenius 13

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Monday 16 March 2015 17:29

No offense but. . .I don't understand what you just said.

TheBeastMan69 4

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 0:39

Ikr how hard is it to click the persons name that you want to talk to.

FaguIous 22

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 3:52

No offense but, I think you might be stupid.

bl865ood 17

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 4:28

44, no offense, but you're a dick.

shiffizzle 13

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:57

That's one of the worst wrong texts you could accidentally send

rachelfromtarget 14

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Monday 16 March 2015 16:58

I feel like if you are being shady and discussing people through text you should be extra careful to check who it's being sent to. Or just save conversations like that for in person.