Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream... - FML

By Serum - 05/08/2013 16:41 - United States - Wichita

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 545

You deserved it 5 508

Age difference

Congratulations!

April Fool's

By lactose intolerant - 28/01/2019 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 160

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 2 051

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 170

By notinterested - 13/09/2011 10:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 253

You deserved it 5 411

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 00:56 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 780

You deserved it 35 732

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 23:54 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

You deserved it 1 761

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 742

You deserved it 42 311

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 716

You deserved it 5 834

Zoom off

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 07:59

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 782

By j - 26/07/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 30 148

Suspense

By krray - 11/03/2017 22:00

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 930

You deserved it 690

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 2 496

By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 20:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 007

You deserved it 4 386

By Dezzmond68 - 15/09/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 863

You deserved it 864

The Headmaster Ritual

By angry mama - 21/09/2019 00:01

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 708

You deserved it 2 175

By Anonymous - 10/07/2014 17:52 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 560

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 53 725

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 607

You deserved it 32 756

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 896

You deserved it 3 442

Thanks but no thanks.

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 16:00

Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 466

By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 7 561

Where's my explanation?

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 16:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 03:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 226

By Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 014

You deserved it 4 435

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 2 457

By Fml24609 - 09/08/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 790

You deserved it 32 558

By twiggy24 - 05/02/2012 02:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 242

You deserved it 42 422

By Tree - 30/07/2010 11:34 - France

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 014

You deserved it 5 766

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 23:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 920

You deserved it 5 489

By Ewwwwno - 19/09/2017 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that most of my family has the same fetish as I do. I don't know whether to be revolted or relieved that I'm not the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 450

You deserved it 560

By Sam - 09/02/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 552

You deserved it 68 711

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 669

You deserved it 5 300

On the beat

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 00:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 507

Nice of you

By Anonymous - 30/07/2010 04:26 - United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 048

You deserved it 38 841

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 708

You deserved it 2 632

By airhead2015 - 12/02/2014 17:57 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 354

You deserved it 5 666

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 4 309

By someboody - 15/08/2015 16:50 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 177

You deserved it 4 424

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

definitely a FYL wasting your wrinkle cream. That shit is expensive!

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:41

I just hope he didn't double dip...

Comments

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

definitely a FYL wasting your wrinkle cream. That shit is expensive!

Send a private message

Monday 5 August 2013 23:19

Botox, $500. Brest implants: $5,000. The look on your child's face when they realize their mother is "The MILF"? Priceless.

michaelaranda 28

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Monday 5 August 2013 23:29

If it works, why not?

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 0:01

Then you can eventually say. oh my god, his balls are as smooth as eggs.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 0:49

If the cream worked and gave you a smooth sack id say the expense would be well worth it.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 14:40

#1 shits really not that expensive lol

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Tuesday 12 November 2013 10:43

I think YDI, it's kinda hypocritical to spend money on anti ageing crap for you, but he can't? So what if he used yours, its not like they make anti ageing ball cream. You should be thankful he's thinking of you having to look at his old balls. . .

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

Maybe don't be so rough with his junk. Haha

CoffeeChickBlows 13

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:55

Nice ass. You been putting OP's wrinkle cream on it?

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Monday 5 August 2013 23:13

I'd prefer to rub my ass up against smooth surfaces. :3

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 11:54

I bet OP made fun of his wrinkly ball sack.

TheLittleBear 19

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:38

I guess you'll have to wait 20 odd years to find out.

PterodactylMan 23

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Monday 5 August 2013 23:47

That's awkward

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 4:08

I wish there was an "LOL" button between the FYL and YDI buttons. I don't think her life is f*cked, And I don't think she deserved it, I just think its freaking hilarious!

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:41

I just hope he didn't double dip...

FerociousCookie 12

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 8:09

even a single dip in the wrinkle cream is disturbing

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 19:02

Yes but with ball fingers after the first application and going for round two on OPs wrinkle came is just vile, that stuff gets to go on her face

cryssycakesx3 22

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Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:53

they're just balls...

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:41

Well 10+ for trying

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:42

At least he tried ...? Sucks that he used your (probably expensive) cream for it, though.

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:47

The things men come up with..

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:49

Just make him buy you more

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:50

Can we get confirmation of its effectiveness in a month or two? Thanks in advance...

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 7:29

That's the comment I was looking for. And would like to know. Heck with it I'm gonna try it myself. Lol

perdix 29

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Monday 5 August 2013 22:52

It couldn't hurt. Smooth balls would be pretty, I guess,

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Monday 5 August 2013 23:02

I like my wrinkles. Adds character

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Monday 5 August 2013 23:43

it would be like a set of Kens balls..wouldn't it?

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 4:06

I don't understand aren't balls supposed to be kinda wrinkly?

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 26

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 592