Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called...

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 11:47 - Denmark

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36473

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

Love

Instadrama

KoBabe

Buzzing the tower

By happybudiess - 14/10/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21165

You deserved it

55206

Favorite

By WellThere'sThat - 26/11/2017 15:00

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2932

You deserved it

799

Favorite

By cpiro - 27/5/2020 05:00

Live from the chopper

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

290

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44305

You deserved it

5214

Favorite

By illjustlimpthen - 25/10/2012 02:44 - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25389

You deserved it

1632

Favorite

By Adalia - 3/10/2009 15:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14733

You deserved it

39309

Favorite

By kicking with love - 6/3/2020 21:10

FIFA 2020

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1270

You deserved it

595

Favorite

By Chris Chandler - 2/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2310

You deserved it

483

Favorite

By awks - 1/4/2014 00:43 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42865

You deserved it

3673

Favorite

By Airplane crap - 21/10/2014 20:13 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33877

You deserved it

4100

Favorite

By silkysmooth - 31/10/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34747

You deserved it

5453

Favorite

By Whywhywhy - 20/8/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4223

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47000

You deserved it

3866

Favorite

By ireallylikecats - 22/4/2015 13:31 - United States

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32180

You deserved it

2539

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2020 23:00

Working in retail sucks

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

Favorite

By Pelota - 1/7/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52349

You deserved it

5133

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 02:00

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1798

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By max5 - 8/9/2012 18:19 - France - Casseneuil

Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31340

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By CRC - 23/11/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29176

You deserved it

2361

Favorite

By nikkei - 1/9/2018 22:00

Bullet = Dodged

Today, while paying for dinner, my card declined and my date immediately left. The waitress then ran my card again successfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3108

You deserved it

196

Favorite

By meeks123 - 20/6/2012 05:03 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30895

You deserved it

5298

Favorite

By tLee - 19/7/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41299

You deserved it

4443

Favorite

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11151

You deserved it

44696

Favorite

By peeepeee. - 3/6/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45285

You deserved it

4387

Favorite

By grannysmack - 11/7/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49738

You deserved it

6539

Favorite

By greasyhair - 7/9/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16896

You deserved it

47237

Favorite

By over_due - 21/6/2016 16:12 - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11542

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

By ahh - 28/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30828

You deserved it

9053

Favorite

By theDiva - 21/1/2009 11:22 - Malta

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34820

You deserved it

2148

Favorite

By Wrenda Witt - 15/6/2020 14:02

Not interested

Today, it has officially been two and half months since I've had sex. I've done everything imaginable to entice him, but my boyfriend doesn't seem bothered at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1514

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By Noj12345 - 25/6/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18248

You deserved it

56961

Favorite

By McWhopper - 8/5/2015 17:40 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30494

You deserved it

4333

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/2/2012 01:06 - Canada

Today, I watched "The Vow" with my girlfriend. When the movie ended, we walked out to the theatre's lobby, and I heard her mutter, "I deserve a guy like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34512

You deserved it

10287

Favorite

By Jelly_Hell - 3/11/2016 20:24

Today, I almost got hit by a car because the kid in the back who was wearing headphones was paying more attention to the road than the driver. He only just stopped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9382

You deserved it

751

Favorite

By rikitsumiatsu - 10/4/2020 02:00

This is the rhythm of the night

Today, my wife showed me a video she took of me last night. I was shit-faced, dancing half naked to '90s club music in the middle of the street at midnight. She won't stop laughing at me and replaying the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

1998

Favorite

By ET - 9/12/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27235

You deserved it

2624

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2016 20:13

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8799

You deserved it

3207

Favorite

By Noname - 1/2/2009 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11883

You deserved it

60146

Favorite

By anonymous - 19/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6428

You deserved it

418

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24298

You deserved it

2305

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#678019 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:52

Tell his mom he didn't tell you about any break up, but he needs to call you so you can tell him about his STD test. Tell her you wouldn't have sex with him because he has several STD's. That should help him out a Bunch!

By GreenDaemon21 | 0

#678088 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 21:33

UR ALL WRONG!

OP: dun worry about it. Obviously, he broke up with his OTHER GIRLFRIEND and his mom got confused.
ur relationship with him is still safe.
Hope that helps! :)

COMMENTS

By Sannekee | 18

#677918 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:04

According to his mom, who broke up?

Maybe you can fix it?

The_Pleb | 0

#678046 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 21:10

Girls are so unamaginitive nowadays....

Make him a damn sammich or sex him up.

Before you know it your both living happily ever after again.

Dont thank me for the advice.

Yours Sincerly

the_pleb

Atamix | 0

#678235 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 23:27

i agree

nazooer | 11

#678745 - Thursday 19 November 2009 4:09

i third that

SlipknotGirll | 0

#679590 - Thursday 19 November 2009 18:27

you really are incredibly boring aren't you.

bonertastic | 0

#681275 - Friday 20 November 2009 21:14

Awkward breakups for the win.

Yee12 | 0

#956370 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 3:45

YDI for eating Chinese food.

tatababe | 1

#2871377 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 3:44

I think OP bf dumped himself

By Zazu7711 | 0

#677924 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:05

lol.

By XxSKELETOxX | 0

#677935 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:10

YDI for living

LibraLeigh | 4

#1719701 - Thursday 18 November 2010 18:02

You're an ass...

JacksonCampbell | 9

#2396737 - Sunday 24 April 2011 9:55

I applaud you.

By Fleecy | 0

#677968 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:33

Oh man that sucks
and #3 that's lame. Really?

It sucks finding out you are breaking up...but to hear it first from his MOM.
Mom-burn. Ouch.

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#678019 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:52

By YOMyLifeSuck | 0

#678020 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 20:52

look here: i dont have a boyfriend, and i got the flu too, thats worse, prob not XD

By Hooray4Ponies | 0

#678056 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 21:18

I'm tired of people using "depressed" when they meant "sad" or "down."

trilliamme | 0

#678198 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 23:07

Same here. It's almost as annoying as everyone running around and saying they have OCD because, say, they like their clothes to match.

Tequilamockngbrd | 7

#678319 - Thursday 19 November 2009 0:22

Well, when you look it up, depressed means "low in spirits; sad." Yeah, depression is an illness and shouldn't be taken lightly, but depending on the context, it can just mean sad and that's not a big deal.

Hooray4Ponies | 0

#679560 - Thursday 19 November 2009 17:47

While technically the word does just mean sad, it has a different connotation now. I think teenagers just use it to sound more dramatic, honestly.

By GreenDaemon21 | 0

#678088 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 21:33

UR ALL WRONG!

OP: dun worry about it. Obviously, he broke up with his OTHER GIRLFRIEND and his mom got confused.
ur relationship with him is still safe.
Hope that helps! :)

muichini | 0

#678862 - Thursday 19 November 2009 5:24

you know that makes a lot of sense

By Skull_300 | 0

#678165 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 22:33

He's a Pussy!!! He is spineless and doesn't have the BALLS to speak to you about breaking up in person. Fuck him, you are better off without the wimp...

By perdix | 29

#678167 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 22:34

Then, who's idea was it to break up?

There has to be a dumper and a dumpee. The dumpee has to mope around and be sad, but the dumper gets to gleefully do the "freedom" dance.

Who's doing the "freedom" dance?