It's Thursday!

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

Today, at 6am I was waiting for the tram to go home from my late night job. A homeless man came up to me and offered to buy me a beer because "guys like us have to stick together." FML

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML