By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
I agree, your life sucks 63 961
You deserved it 9 400

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Tell him this: "Babe, why don't we wait a few years and give your **** time to grow, mkay?"

Assuming he was being serious about the "tighten back up" bit, your boyfriend's a ******* tard. The only thing that could really "loosen" the ****** is childbirth, and even then, that's only temporary most of the time. And I seriously doubt his dick's the circumference of a baby's head.


Probably nowhere near as loose as my asshole.

Jaque_Aze 0

And what's you're nickname, grand canyon?

I think your BF might be gay. I mean what guy turns down sex b/c his GF isn't tight enough? I mean jesus, it doesn't stretch out THAT much.

screwtaylor 0

When I become first, I think I'm going to do what everyone else did and put "First!" Thats what all the cool kids are doing, right?

First has been done, to death. Only troubled, insecure douches do it anymore.

For once I'm at a loss for words. That's just wierd.

firstly, @75, hooray for grammar nazis, secondly, initiate sex? its not a robot function

fmlfmlfml15 0

Lmao I she could have easily said "have sex", but it kind of looks like she looked it up in the thesaurus

... why didn't you just tell him to get a bigger dick and so it would be an F HIS life?

lovethewordnerd 0

I agree with #125! People who say 'initiate' is a weird word and she must have looked it up in a thesaurus must have an incredibly limited vernacular. And no, "initiate" is not a synonym of "have".

MaskedManic 1

And no, "vernacular" is not a synonym of "vocabulary" The definition of vernacular is ''using a language or dialect native to a region or country rather than a literary, cultured, or foreign language''

AnaMaree 0

Who doesnt use initiate in everyday speech? "I initiated my boyfriend's **** and he came all over my face."

djb23 0

haha 155 FTW. OP, are you this woman?

LOL..... Robot - "Initiating sex mode!... 3, 2, 1, OH OH OH!" Man - "Wait wait what the hell?!? AAAAHH!!!!"

dudeitsdanny 9

163 = My true love. Anyways, dump him for being an ignorant douche. Having lots of sex doesn't stretch out your ******. It's not a ******* rubberband, it's a muscle. It stays the same until childbirth, but even then it's not that much bigger once it heals. You're only tight if he's not doing his job right. And only loose(as it should be) if he's doing his job and making you horny.

leafsfan13 0

Ok seriously, the next person who comments as FIRST as in first to comment to something is a freakin idiot. It's starting to get annoying and I'm SURE that people who get comments like that for their posts get annoyed to. Honestly, stop sticking with the past and start posting real comments on the topic, please!

lifeislife_fml 0

"First" isn't annoying. The day that people stop posting "first" is the day that people stop replying to comment #1 just to get their post on the top of the page. Though they day that FMLs stopped containing "proceeded to" DID come (thanks to FML staff I think?), so you can still hope.

z3r0ram 0

learn krugals or whatever the hell it's called exercises the muscles so it's tight all the time

yes exercise your PC muscles, but still.. are you really that loose? then again, i agree with #131, maybe you're not the problem maybe he is. still a jerk for saying that though. and #155 you're right, initiated is part of everyday speech... except your example isn't quite how it's supposed to be used.

It's like making love with a warm bucket of water.

heathergenuine 3
fmlfmlfml15 0

#147 I never said it was.....I just said when she puts it that way, like #104 and #163 have said, she kind of sounds like a robot, but thats just an opinion

well.... YOU should of jus got on top & ride him, he'll most likely get in the mood.

Ha ha very nice #131. It sounds like she could use some Kegel exercises.

I think YDI for being a loose ***** and HDI for being with a loose *****, as I stated below. Sucked in. Next time don't **** around so much, maybe your own BF won't think you're so loose.

Wow you're dumb Being loose doesn't mean you're a cheater. ****** retard.

exercise your ****** muscles? are you serious..

Ooohhh. Sounds like someone's spending some quality time on the couch. And 163... If I wasn't engaged, I'd ask you to marry me...

RTRbryant 0

your bf must not be a vagitarian but instead a carnivore iykwim

147, the phrase "initiate sex" is perfectly normal and commonly used. Please improve your vocabulary.

'initiate' isn't a synonym of 'have'. It means 'to start'. If you can't put two and two together, "initiate sex" --> "begin having sex"

kittykat1501 31

75 that's a first. It's usually the other way around!

either your that gross or hes just that stupid. FBYLs

He sounds swell! A real winner! I think this is the first FML to every make me go "Ewwwww."

Maybe you're just a **** and a little wide.

Actually, the more orgasms a woman has, the tighter she is. Having lots of sex keeps the muscles there in good condition. It's celibacy that makes it loose. The assumption of virgins being tight is based on the fact that they usually are also young which adds to tightness.

There is nothing wrong with being a jerk.

Maybe not but it's generally agreed that trolls are morons. :)

Please, I've seen much bigger idiots on this website.

SuperMeme 0

Did someone call SuperMeme? OP: I agree with #142.

Huh...thanks for that Shanter. Nice anatomy lesson. lol

Just because other people are morons doesn't really make it OK for you to troll.

draccon136 0

if that's true that actually changes my worldview, thank you

inconvienentgurl 0

wow...bc u werent tight enough? he could of at least opted for a bj to make u feel important x.x but then again not every1 tightens bak up fast...glad i do... so he wont let u get it every night bc ur a lil loose? pshht ass >.>

y r u taking this serious? its just a story n it might not even b tru!!

hahaha I think the problem lies in the fact that you said "I tried to initiate sex"

VoxEOD 0

more like "why don't we wait bcuz i screwed someone just before coming here"

fuckyourmom 0

that's exactly what i was thinking...

yea, I thought that would've been a given.

nobody likes a loose girl...its like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

brilliantbarbie 0

and nobody likes a pencil dick either.... why assume shes a ***** when he could just have a teeny dick to begin with???

adelaide_evening 0

Way to quote Stewie from Family Guy and try to pass it off as your own wit.

Vacant 7

That little 'saying' has been around before Family Guy was even thought of.

Sweet2020 4

Perhaps it is time to trade up....Size-wise I mean. Tough! I wish a m'fer would! Then again, I do my Kegel's, so maybe YDI.

PersnicketyPu55y 0

He sounds like an insensitive jerk. Maybe you should just dump him and **********.

so him not wanting to have sex with his girlfriend for once in his life makes him a insensitive jerk? He is not entitled to his own choice?

well, he could have just said that he's not in the mood instead of calling her "loose"