Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait...

By sierra.sl31 - 28/7/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1725

You deserved it

218

Favorite

Superficial World

Body issues

Vultures

By broke and hungry - 30/5/2015 18:53 - United States - West New York

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31302

You deserved it

5403

Favorite

By Sad - 28/4/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

217603

You deserved it

15258

Favorite

By tbalboa - 1/7/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31642

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

By JustRidingMyBike - 4/1/2017 17:11

Today, I started my new job as a supervisor. I began by cleaning out my new office, including recycling large sheets of cardboard left over from the new calendars. When the 2nd shift came in, however, they got very upset and yelled at me. Apparently, I had thrown away my Muslim workers' prayer mats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8258

You deserved it

1844

Favorite

By Ljsmitty - 12/9/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46175

You deserved it

2877

Favorite

By Painfulfaceforme - 14/3/2010 02:30 - Canada

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8730

You deserved it

31060

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27336

You deserved it

2368

Favorite

By pissed - 17/12/2013 21:17 - United States

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47992

You deserved it

6977

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68729

You deserved it

16058

Favorite

By CheesyCasey - 30/5/2013 00:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37734

You deserved it

5900

Favorite

By kissrocks4 - 11/4/2012 07:04 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22342

You deserved it

3138

Favorite

By SleepObsessed - 5/8/2018 19:00

Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2698

You deserved it

384

Favorite

By joanikens - 26/3/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23974

You deserved it

6027

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26829

You deserved it

5627

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33980

You deserved it

62827

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2016 05:55

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17079

You deserved it

3277

Favorite

By xXxJoe16xXx - 1/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50779

You deserved it

8364

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57676

You deserved it

7739

Favorite

By =( - 5/4/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46587

You deserved it

14354

Favorite

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31882

You deserved it

3001

Favorite

By no tp - 15/2/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22703

You deserved it

8262

Favorite

By hbt51 - 17/8/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23880

You deserved it

1931

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2014 21:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41797

You deserved it

11565

Favorite

By Jokkim - 20/6/2016 18:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15229

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 19:58 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24461

You deserved it

2119

Favorite

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25498

You deserved it

4441

Favorite

By kmctl - 20/5/2015 18:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29825

You deserved it

1968

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66997

You deserved it

5956

Favorite

By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4721

You deserved it

341

Favorite

By winneuse - 5/6/2015 02:30 - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25965

You deserved it

3730

Favorite

By Magicfml - 5/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6198

You deserved it

980

Favorite

By Firepants - 28/8/2010 16:04 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29379

You deserved it

4076

Favorite

By lolatmylovelife - 11/6/2015 20:51 - United States - Del Valle

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39808

You deserved it

3138

Favorite

By homelesslyf - 30/12/2019 22:00 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

Phew, glad it wasn't me

375

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 10:52 - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40795

You deserved it

7746

Favorite

By Sarah grace - 30/10/2017 01:30

Today, I challenged my husband to look after our twins by himself all day, like I normally do. When I got home, both babies had on clean nappies and clothes, dinner was cooked, the house was spotless, and 3 loads of washing were done. Smug bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2485

You deserved it

7666

Favorite

By MIB thingy please... - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43771

You deserved it

5527

Favorite

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2741

You deserved it

543

Favorite

By knepmj - 16/3/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18902

You deserved it

1364

Favorite

By americanized - 22/11/2010 15:25 - Denmark

Today, I helped two people find the central station on my way home. As a thank you, they mugged me and stole my wallet and iPod Touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32870

You deserved it

4130

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sinshine | 27

#7826395 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:06

That's just weird... Is this some kind of scheme to pressure you into marrying him? Or his way of trying to make you break up with him?

By AmbrosiaFan | 17

#7826423 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:16

So do you want to marry him or not?

Comments

By Sinshine | 27

#7826395 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:06

That's just weird... Is this some kind of scheme to pressure you into marrying him? Or his way of trying to make you break up with him?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7826398 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:24

Maybe he’s hoping you’ll tighten up a bit in the meantime?

Gubbon | 8

#7827064 - Tuesday 30 July 2019 14:24

That's not how it works.

By Aphrodite | 19

#7826418 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:08

every night for a YEAR? sheesh

By AmbrosiaFan | 17

#7826423 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:16

So do you want to marry him or not?

By blueknight1st | 26

#7826434 - Monday 29 July 2019 0:22

Yeah, he’s got a side piece just so you know.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7826437 - Monday 29 July 2019 0:35

Somebody must have got to him.

By Phil | 14

#7826441 - Monday 29 July 2019 1:03

My guess is that he's got a little something going on the side.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7826465 - Monday 29 July 2019 3:25

What changed his mind? A side piece, parents, or the big man upstairs? That's a very fast 180.

By zeeba_neighba | 10

#7826490 - Monday 29 July 2019 5:28

So, call him on it, and to the courthouse in the morning. Congratulations ❕

By Fata Morgana 1029 | 6

#7826551 - Monday 29 July 2019 11:13

EX-boyfriend. There. I fixed it for you.