Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait... - FML

By sierra.sl31

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

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Serious times

There's no helping some people

On the ball

By Stacy Dee - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 11:02 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Drunken antics

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

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By helpme - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By failallday - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

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By annoyed teen - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

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By Just Me - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

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By notalcoholic - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

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By ksmith - United States

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

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By bald baby

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

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By red - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

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By Bobby ray slice - United States

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

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By prin - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

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By moneycatious - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

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By inboxbuddies - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By umbrella - United States

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

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By anuszopekanus - 14/6/2020 14:02

No money, though

Today, after 3 months of quarantine being totally broke, I was finally glad to get back to work. I found out that they no longer need me because "there's no money" to pay me. As I was leaving, I saw freshly renovated rooms, a huge new plasma, and a crowd of workers busy expanding the summer terrace. FML

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By oopsies - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

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By Chase

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

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By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

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By Tabeling101

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

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By idk - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

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By Anonymous

Amazon addict

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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By larsn - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous

Freaky.

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

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By Shirley - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

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By chicagobulls102 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

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By Darice - 8/8/2020 05:03

Mom of the year

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

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By MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - United States

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

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By burnnotice - United States

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

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By mykodu - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

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Top comments

By Sinshine | 27

#7826395 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:06

That's just weird... Is this some kind of scheme to pressure you into marrying him? Or his way of trying to make you break up with him?

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7826423 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:16

So do you want to marry him or not?

COMMENTS

By Sinshine | 27

#7826395 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:06

That's just weird... Is this some kind of scheme to pressure you into marrying him? Or his way of trying to make you break up with him?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7826398 - Sunday 28 July 2019 22:24

Maybe he’s hoping you’ll tighten up a bit in the meantime?

Reply

Gubbon | 8

#7827064 - Tuesday 30 July 2019 14:24

That's not how it works.

By Aphrodite | 19

#7826418 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:08

every night for a YEAR? sheesh

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7826423 - Sunday 28 July 2019 23:16

So do you want to marry him or not?

By blueknight1st | 26

#7826434 - Monday 29 July 2019 0:22

Yeah, he’s got a side piece just so you know.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7826437 - Monday 29 July 2019 0:35

Somebody must have got to him.

By Phil | 14

#7826441 - Monday 29 July 2019 1:03

My guess is that he's got a little something going on the side.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7826465 - Monday 29 July 2019 3:25

What changed his mind? A side piece, parents, or the big man upstairs? That's a very fast 180.

By zeeba_neighba | 10

#7826490 - Monday 29 July 2019 5:28

So, call him on it, and to the courthouse in the morning. Congratulations ❕

By Fata Morgana 1029 | 7

#7826551 - Monday 29 July 2019 11:13

EX-boyfriend. There. I fixed it for you.