Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
don't mess with chuck Norris
WDLfootball 8
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (436)
sematariux 7
HAHAHA no really chuck Norris is gonna kill us all no biggy
F0xyTurtle 8
she might be high
Legendslayer222 26
I'm sure it will be okay OP, just read this comforting information: "Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won." "The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage." "Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO." "The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears." "When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. " Your daughter is screwed.
Xmarshall16X 5
Dont worry we all feel that way sometimes ;)
jackiemoonthepro 5
hide her, every second that she isn't hidden he is coming closer
Cr4zy5pacec0w80y 0
Thats ridiculous...why would chuck waste his time on a mere child?
HUSKYHUSTLER 0
chuck Norris is a fag
forthepainx3 0
she's scared cause she knows the truth
candylishious765 0
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!
lidemocr 0
my friends little brother was terrified and I mean TERRIFIED of Aunt Jemima the syrup lady. he was so sure she was coming to get him lol