Love: Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've... - FML

By handlin - 14/01/2010 06:45 - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 4 127

The smell detective is on the case

Egg mode

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 019

You deserved it 8 012

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 005

You deserved it 55 019

By ournhd - 13/11/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 151

You deserved it 3 113

By Bummer - 30/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 754

You deserved it 3 870

Badass

By I’m stressed - 22/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, someone tried to open the stall I was in, and I instinctively screamed. I was yelled at and called, "incredibly rude and disrespectful." The lady then waited for me to come out so she could, "kick my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 71

By moose - 14/11/2016 19:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 140

You deserved it 2 853

By JakeHolmes - 17/11/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 865

You deserved it 47 799

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 574

You deserved it 5 470

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 869

You deserved it 4 461

By tdtf - 16/03/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 724

You deserved it 1 487

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 16:48 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 360

You deserved it 4 024

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 03:59

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 60

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 635

You deserved it 4 472

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 869

You deserved it 73 309

By KayEffEh - 17/09/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 3 434

By Lord_Nick - 04/02/2016 03:13 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 810

You deserved it 1 693

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 18:43 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 114

You deserved it 4 863

By FMLimsomad - 29/12/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 558

You deserved it 38 224

By gunman - 20/10/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 918

You deserved it 45 117

By sick - 21/09/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 715

You deserved it 11 283

By nicholascageonyourface - 09/06/2013 05:13 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 343

You deserved it 5 130

By Anonymous - 30/11/2017 22:00 - United States - Littleton

Spicy

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 665

You deserved it 525

By Anonymous - 26/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 912

You deserved it 55 925

Candid camera

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 23:00

Today, I prominently touched my boobs and put my hand inside my shirt to adjust my bra… all while I had my camera on during a Zoom meeting with the whole department FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 1 578

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 22:33 - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 726

You deserved it 6 619

By sisterly love - 14/08/2013 21:13 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 120

You deserved it 4 136

By Frustrated - 13/07/2019 22:30

Today, I couldn't convince my grandmother that no matter how much she called AT&T, they will not come and fix her dead computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 116

Thanks buddy

By jackmehoffa - 03/04/2012 18:10 - United States - Green Bay

Spicy

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 670

You deserved it 5 836

By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - 01/01/2015 00:52 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 254

You deserved it 2 657

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 25 586

By yaa - 26/05/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 000

You deserved it 4 245

By indecentcameraexposure - 05/09/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 909

You deserved it 47 921

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 37 118

Who's that?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 05:01

Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 95

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 956

You deserved it 7 899

Help!

By notwasted39 - 13/07/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 969

You deserved it 3 082

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 987

You deserved it 9 425

By xHoho - 26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 8 683

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 869

You deserved it 8 839

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 16:05 - Canada - Neustadt

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 916

You deserved it 51 893

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:37

It's naive to think he's suddenly also in love with you... You got away pretty good with that reaction actually..

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:08

well be glad he didn't hate you for it, I've seen that happen

Comments

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:08

well be glad he didn't hate you for it, I've seen that happen

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Friday 15 January 2010 13:19

gender says woman don't think she is gay but YDI for waiting 8 years....

bentonthegreat 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 14:05

you can go to hell yourself, Asshole

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:15

wow! so erm.... women who love men are gay now? that's new... are you so idiotic and judgemental you assume that OP is a man, even though it clearly states (woman)

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Tuesday 18 May 2010 5:46

grow some tits and he will like you

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 10:27

60: You repeated the same 'argument' about three times.

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Sunday 4 September 2011 23:18

# 60 Are you seriously that ignorant and stupid? People like you are the reason that there are hate crimes and why gay people are sometimes afraid for their lives. And seriously comparing gay people to Hitler ( who I am pretty sure was straight) Hitler was responsible for mass genocide, last time I checked there wasn't a mass genocide of that level committed by a gay person. You are a homophobe and you are just wasting air that other people who are worthy of it need to breathe. I honestly think that ou are a sad waste of a human being!!!! (oh and the op is a female!!!) oh and just to get on your nerves I am watching the musical rent.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:15

loser

DanielleTheOne 3

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:33

Heyy!! thats uncalled for!

24788 6

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:26

At least he knows now, but it's a little to late.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:31

Trust me it could have been worse.

hellyjellybean 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:40

Yeah it really could have been worse! My former "close friend" said she couldn't be friends with me anymore and has refused to have anything to do with me since. It was really, really awful. All I wanted was to tell her, I didn't expect anything to come of it. At least he's still your friend and you have had the chance to express your feelings. Good luck in future. Hope you find someone else.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:37

It's naive to think he's suddenly also in love with you... You got away pretty good with that reaction actually..

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Thursday 14 January 2010 15:35

I think it's understandably hopeful for the OP to think after 8 years he might love her back. "suddenly?" it's not like she sprung this on him after a month long friendship

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Thursday 14 January 2010 23:42

A month long friendship would be better actually..... atleast then she wouldn't have spent 8 years of her life loving a dude but never telling him in hopes that one day her passive actions would make him fall in love with her.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:50

Well maybe if you werent ugly you would be hooking up right now so ydi

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:16

Stfu troll.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:40

FEEED MEEEE AND I GROWW BIGGERRR!!!

jts2 3

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:42

*tosses a cookie to troll*

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Thursday 14 January 2010 14:13

om nom nom thank you

whataloadofbull 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 14:34

*sticks wand up troll's nose*

sillyzombiekid 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 14:55

eew yuck, troll bogies.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 17:26

hehe that tickles, do it again

chicken_lover 2

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Thursday 14 January 2010 22:34

i want to train the troll. troll, sit! stay and i will give you a cookie cake. :)

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Friday 15 January 2010 18:59

* sits down and tilts head to the side* cookie now? please

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Wednesday 30 June 2010 12:05

as cookie flies through the air, I snatch it from the troll and huddle in the corner nibbling on it. my daddy starves me

WeStayCrunk24x7 0

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Thursday 14 January 2010 12:50

wow you sure know when to drop bombs. i'd say you should be happy that he's not mad

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:00

He maybe just hints you that there's a probability！

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Thursday 14 January 2010 15:37

I would say the friend's response is not hinting at further interest. Hopefully he comes out and tells her exactly how he feels so there isn't future miscommunication between them... especially if he really wants to continue being friends...

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:04

WOW! You must be really ugly.

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Thursday 14 January 2010 13:13

everything happens for a reason

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 70

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 283