Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
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Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
don't mess with chuck Norris
WDLfootball 8
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
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Comments (436)
NoobHat 6
Lightning never strikes in the same place twice because it knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.
dolphincheddar 10
did you pitch or catch?
zander2413 0
I still wet the bed
HannahLouise96 13
Congratulations?
zander2413 0
don't be mean):
lmaoatall 6
isn't this atleast your second time posting this? you must be so proud of yourself.
HannahLouise96 13
I'm not being mean. I just find it bizarre that you feel the need to let everybody know via commenting on something completely irrelevant. And to be honest, I really don't wanna know whether you still wet the bed or not, keep that shit private please.
manbearpig7173 0
*inserts chuck norris joke that we've all heard before*
Siji 0
When Chuck Norris does a push-up he isn't really pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. O_O
UltimateGIRness 16
When Chuck Norris steps on a Lego,the Lego cries
that_band_nerd 22
If a zombie bites Chuck Norris he doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into him.
thewife5 19
drug test her?
zwcs 4
wow I'd call a Dr.... fml
imnotcraZ 0
never mess with chuck Norris!!!
rvontr88 21
that's beyond awesome!
HannahLouise96 13
You know you're in some serious shit when Chuck Norris is after you. I suggest fleeing the country immediately.
kittykat1497 7
it won't matter chuck Norris will find her anyways...FHL
kittykat1497 7
it won't matter chuck Norris will find her anyways...FHL
KaylieBieber13 0
you can never escape chuck norris he will follow you....
ChucktheNorris 0
I will still find you
DocBastard 40
Did you ever stop and think that she may be right, and that Chuck really IS coming to kill her, and that she needs a team of 50 ninjas to protect her? Maybe you should stop being so selfish and start thinking about someone else for a change.
KaanTech 0
50 is not enough