Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
don't mess with chuck Norris
WDLfootball 8
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (436)
Slim2306 10
Chuck Norris clearly entered her dream space and incepted the idea into her head. Chuck Norris knows all and therefore has the ability to do so :).
wrigglezeus 0
I can imagine it being that chain spam mail usually ending if you don't send this to 5 friends etc etc...I'm guessing she didn't send to 5 friends...
shortstuff4485 0
Lmfao! that's kind of hilarious
jfarrow9703 11
not kill her, impregnate her
mrwiggles5422 4
Lmao
lauren_pink 0
"F-!king Chuck Norris" ;P
isabel22 0
This is funny but you can't find Chuck Norris Chuck Norris FINDS YOU!!!... :D LMAO
lauren_pink 0
"Sweetheart I don't want to alarm you....but Chuck Norris it standing behind you, holding a knife.....I think he wants to kill you...but I'm just guessing"
biwinning88 1
whatever she's on, tell her to share
mattmalin11 0
149 is an idiot... Chuck Norris doesn't use a knife, he roundhouse kicks his victims!