Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
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Top comments
RobertWJV86 11
Spider hunter.. Death by eyelid..
Earths_Venus 25
Well now there's no spider to climb up the water spout. You're a monster!
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Comments (77)
Zen_Clark 3
The spider will be reborn as a serial killer, and OP will be the first victim.
straightpride 9
Maybe you will get super powers and can have the vision of a spider
tony1891 22
you're in touch with your spider senses. congratulations.
grtfuldeadlovr 27
Oh man that's awful I have so many spiders around my house i know fear this is going to happen to me wonderful.
eatinchocolate 8
nope. nope. no. **** that. no.
kittylevin 8
How could you possibly say anyone DESERVED that!?
phenom1tsmith 1
I look at the comments and am typically appalled at how serious you all are.
Khaleesi_26 30
ew, hate spiders
RabbitOfAurora 28
hdjxydgsbsbebrjdjdudhdbdbdjsjs WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL THAT STORY? THAT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU SHOULD TAKE TO YOUR GRAVE BECAUSE EWW EWW EWIE EWIE EWW!
Fillie 26
I really did not need to read that first thing in the morning...