Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction... - FML

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15491

You deserved it

27768

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Vultures

Tidy your room

By creepster - 11/2/2010 01:39 - Canada

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30521

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By Nick - 23/2/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks

93050

You deserved it

6373

Tweet

Share

By - 1/1/2019 11:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2679

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By forgotmyownbirthday - 27/11/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9119

You deserved it

60631

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/6/2014 16:19 - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28097

You deserved it

42557

Tweet

Share

By smdh - 22/10/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21516

You deserved it

1749

Tweet

Share

By Al - 10/3/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25871

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By supervisor - 6/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32749

You deserved it

18115

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27151

You deserved it

2548

Tweet

Share

By Brilliant... - 25/5/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50440

You deserved it

5285

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2016 04:57 - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12421

You deserved it

3143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23346

You deserved it

6465

Tweet

Share

By KMack - 29/10/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41687

You deserved it

3683

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up and asked to borrow money. Still groggy, I mumbled where my money stash was. She took all $300 and refuses to pay me back because I'm her son and I "owe" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36071

You deserved it

6749

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 20/8/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21482

You deserved it

49835

Tweet

Share

By TheStressComesFree - 31/7/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46133

You deserved it

3333

Tweet

Share

By SmokedSalmon - 13/2/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21143

You deserved it

43385

Tweet

Share

By shylahrc - 3/5/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43066

You deserved it

3504

Tweet

Share

By googly191 - 19/12/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34552

You deserved it

2458

Tweet

Share

By Slash - 16/6/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22598

You deserved it

48773

Tweet

Share

By - 26/12/2019 20:00

Christmas shopping

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2119

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46877

You deserved it

6079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 08:00

Jealousy

Today, my girlfriend broke my Xbox while I was playing Warzone. She said she heard me playing with another girl, and accused me of cheating. It was just the A.I. saying, "Copy, I’m on it." Anyone selling an Xbox One? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1716

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By Monroe - 23/6/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31231

You deserved it

4192

Tweet

Share

By Byron fiddles - 24/2/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24956

You deserved it

56480

Tweet

Share

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35648

You deserved it

7945

Tweet

Share

By AOart1st - 21/11/2014 03:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36061

You deserved it

17495

Tweet

Share

By stillaproudfather - 22/5/2014 19:24 - United States

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54767

You deserved it

6661

Tweet

Share

By Duckie W - 13/2/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57565

You deserved it

6191

Tweet

Share

By juliaspaperbags - 16/8/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50697

You deserved it

8060

Tweet

Share

By webcammistake - 17/3/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24027

You deserved it

75641

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/5/2013 04:16 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68384

You deserved it

14940

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/4/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4047

You deserved it

351

Tweet

Share

By Cuntface McGee - 21/2/2014 21:37 - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

You deserved it

18489

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29426

You deserved it

5469

Tweet

Share

By hungry - 15/8/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14896

You deserved it

2109

Tweet

Share

By floggingnasty - 13/2/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36712

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By peoplesuck - 14/5/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67948

You deserved it

15485

Tweet

Share

By Single Again - 7/3/2020 06:11

Cunning

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2118

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2014 16:27 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21082

You deserved it

25859

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dahlia14 | 0

#724736 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:10

coulda had a v8

By pooley182 | 0

#724733 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

my god i laughed so hard, that mental image totally made my day.

COMMENTS

By jeepster7874 | 0

#724730 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:08

nice one haha

FIRST!

Reply

FOOFIGHTERSrock | 0

#724893 - Friday 18 December 2009 0:39

lol WIN for the spider :D

Reply

cassdede | 0

#887495 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 4:27

ahh typical human

Reply

bleedinginside | 0

#941214 - Saturday 13 March 2010 4:19

if there was a spider on ur sack us smack ur sack right

Reply

sumbody14 | 0

#2270514 - Thursday 31 March 2011 6:08

who waits for the spider To get onto thier glasses before smacking it?

Reply

TooQuick | 1

#2739857 - Thursday 23 June 2011 2:28

SMH. Oh wait. you already did. YDI

By pooley182 | 0

#724733 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

my god i laughed so hard, that mental image totally made my day.

Reply

ymonkey96 | 0

#2271926 - Thursday 31 March 2011 11:13

lmao me too!!!

Reply

amarahsohi | 7

#6049662 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:07

Omg i know right i couldnt stop laughing. I think i woke up my family!

By dahlia14 | 0

#724736 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:10

coulda had a v8

By soccer4ever7 | 0

#724738 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

ydi

Reply

FOOFIGHTERSrock | 0

#724912 - Friday 18 December 2009 0:51

#3 ur a genius :D

By DreMaMa | 0

#724751 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:15

At least you didn't use both hands.

By Brooklyn_c | 0

#724753 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:19

Ha ha, your a dumbass

By loveyahun | 0

#724759 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:19

I would just take off the glasses?

Reply

Loveyou6611 | 20

#6246341 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:06

One simply doesn't "just take off the glasses" when they see a spider. The proper response would have been to scream bloody murder while throwing the glasses across the room and hitting your hair and face while stomping your feet... if that doesn't work. Fire.

By hXcsoccerplaya | 0

#724765 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:23

hahaha I would totally do that. FYL

By nightmare1234 | 0

#724766 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:24

dumbass!

By CHEESYBIGMAC | 0

#724786 - Thursday 17 December 2009 23:35

FYL indeed....this FML made me laugh...sucks though