Animals: Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught...

By Anonymous - 04/09/2014 06:44 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 537

You deserved it 3 837

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Moron with reflexes - 29/05/2019 06:03

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 969

By baconandkittens - 26/02/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 556

You deserved it 5 782

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 555

You deserved it 27 858

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 794

You deserved it 3 471

By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 19 088

By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 17 414

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 227

You deserved it 41 614

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 713

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 2 513

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 956

You deserved it 8 687

RobertWJV86 11

Thursday 4 September 2014 15:32

Spider hunter.. Death by eyelid..

Earths_Venus 25

Thursday 4 September 2014 15:33

Well now there's no spider to climb up the water spout. You're a monster!

Comments

zefrenaboo 15

Friday 5 September 2014 5:34

This is disturbing

cece23_fml 10

Friday 5 September 2014 8:11

As long as it wasnt a pregnant spider, you're probably gonna be ok.

Percrasterbating 3

Friday 5 September 2014 8:46

I didn't need that mental picture

candyolympics 17

Friday 5 September 2014 9:10

Hold on, let me go board the Nope train to FuckthatshitVille.

AloysiusWeasley 15

Sunday 7 September 2014 3:22

Good lord no, that's not near fast nor far enough. One first class ticket aboard the Fukallno jet, bound for Fukitall-Eyebleachistan.

MoosieHD 7

Friday 5 September 2014 17:48

Oh god...

veracruzana922 6

Saturday 6 September 2014 1:34

There is a speck of dust in my eye right now... at least I hope its dust

touch_the_sky_77 22

Sunday 7 September 2014 4:47

That's like an absolute nightmare

Soloras_fml 6

Sunday 7 September 2014 11:58

No. No, no, no.

lilushi 8

Sunday 7 September 2014 13:20

I cant even imagine the horror

PhoenixMartinez 30

Thursday 11 September 2014 9:15

How did OP deserve this?

Keywords

Instagram Social Media Love Stalker Phobias Spiders Animals Embarrassing Ironic Bikes Transportation Ecology Health Work AITA Drunk Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Mysterious Weird Vacation Gamers Video games Gross First Dates Smells Technology Parents Kids

The Top

Today, my best friend’s girlfriend took his phone and blocked me on Facebook, all because I wrote him a heartfelt Happy Birthday message on his wall. I found out because he messaged me from another account explaining what happened. She refuses to understand that we’re strictly platonic friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 141

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 161

The Top

Today, my dad told me my pregnancy stretch marks were really bad and unsightly, and that I should probably do something about them, as though there was some miracle cure for them that I’m just too lazy to go and buy from the shops. If this gets published, I expect revenge ideas in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 172

Today, I was woken up in the middle of the night by an alarm on my phone going off. Thinking it was warning me of an incoming weather emergency, I checked it. It was a Silver Alert near me. Why wake me up for this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 456

Today, after the opportunity for a little malicious compliance came my way, and I did exactly what my prick boss told me to do, knowing it would screw him over in about a week, it happened. Unfortunately, he has a good legal team and he just successfully sued me for £100,000. I may have to sell my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 597

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 755

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 833

You deserved it 52 343

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 843

You deserved it 1 390

Same thing different taste

Blow it

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