Work: Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Nampa

Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from my home, so that I could study for my upcoming finals. When I got home, I realized I that had left my binder all the way there, containing my notes, classwork, homework, finals notes, etc. FML

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Vibe check

Parental guilt

CIA-level batshittery

By Anonymous - United States - Taunton

Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML

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By Nylo

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

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By hapless - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

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By twicethepersonioncewas - United States - Merion Station

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

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By Bella

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By Brastro - Ireland

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

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By please don’t - 8/6/2020 02:00

The Big Book of Baby Names

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

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By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Messy

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

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By Salaryman - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

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By Curly - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

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By insensitive prick - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

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By rileym797 - United States

Today, my wife took herself, the kids, and extended family members I've never even heard of to New York. She paid the 7,000$ bill with my credit card. FML

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By Mia

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

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By NonBelieber - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

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By Vanessa8221 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

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By BrokeInLove - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

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By minaaaaajftw - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

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By ivyleaguebabe - United States

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

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By Alyssa - United States - Macon

Dirty girl

Today, at church, while everyone was shaking hands and saying, “Peace be with you” to one another, a man took out hand sanitizer and washed his hands after he shook mine. And only mine. FML

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By badidea - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By SillyScotsman - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t... FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

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By lonerjik - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

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By Suprise - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

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By unlucky - United States - Wheeling

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

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By Renesmeekuhnell - Denmark

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

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By 3 More Months - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

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By Sue - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find out that I was fired. This is the closest job near me. FML

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By skygardens

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

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By YoungSmileBones - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

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By lectro - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By Renée

Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house till after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML

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Top comments

By xFiiRe | 19

#6604778 - Friday 13 May 2016 11:45

Prepare yourself for another short roadtrip...

By Solano2580 | 24

#6604767 - Friday 13 May 2016 11:25

Always make a digital copy and physical copy of everything for your finals.

COMMENTS

By Solano2580 | 24

#6604767 - Friday 13 May 2016 11:25

Always make a digital copy and physical copy of everything for your finals.

Reply

CourtneyPaigee16 | 13

#6604908 - Friday 13 May 2016 15:48

I'm not sure many people actually do that

Reply

okaydisarray | 17

#6605331 - Saturday 14 May 2016 5:04

OR you could just leave your schoolwork at home when going on a short road trip and use the time as a break.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6604769 - Friday 13 May 2016 11:30

Hope everything goes well with you OP..

By xFiiRe | 19

#6604778 - Friday 13 May 2016 11:45

Prepare yourself for another short roadtrip...

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 27

#6604925 - Friday 13 May 2016 16:10

ya "short". how is a four hour round trip short?

Reply

Wutdafuqq | 24

#6604932 - Friday 13 May 2016 16:27

12 That went right over your head.

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6604785 - Friday 13 May 2016 12:04

Time for the trek back

By TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6604822 - Friday 13 May 2016 13:02

1) Check to make sure you just didn't just put it in a different location you don't remember.
2) Double-check.
3) Road Trip #2 is a go!

By paris_ava | 24

#6604848 - Friday 13 May 2016 14:03

Could you maybe ask a class mate to send you a photo of some of their notes?

By Steve97 | 32

#6604856 - Friday 13 May 2016 14:30

If that binder and those notes were so important you should have packed them and put them in the car the night before.

By confused_wandere | 26

#6604858 - Friday 13 May 2016 14:34

Two hours is a short trip?

Reply

paris_ava | 24

#6604861 - Friday 13 May 2016 14:41

I think that was meant to be sarcastic

Reply

crystalhale | 15

#6604894 - Friday 13 May 2016 15:25

not sure where op is from, but I'm from Texas and we consider 2 hours a short trip haha

Reply

Tommy1340 | 18

#6605315 - Saturday 14 May 2016 4:46

In the Western US yeah two hours is a short road trip

Reply

confused_wandere | 26

#6605621 - Saturday 14 May 2016 17:46

Ok, the people thumbing me down have to realise that I'm from the UK. To Brits, two hours is a long journey and I can't wrap my head around anyone thinking it's a short journey. Don't blame me, blame my country for being much smaller than the US.

By shady914 | 14

#6604969 - Friday 13 May 2016 17:39

At least you had a nice drive for a while :) sometimes it's good to just drive away to relax, even though it wasn't exactly according to your plan.

By H4H | 15

#6605054 - Friday 13 May 2016 19:44

Call the hotel and ask if they picked it up while cleaning the room and ask them to hold it for you. Then prepare for another two hour road trip

Reply

wow2mylife | 25

#6605058 - Friday 13 May 2016 19:47

they might even mail it for you