Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother...

By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14604

You deserved it

38756

Favorite

Transportation

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Yappy neighborhood

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By tryingtoberomantic - 28/9/2019 14:00 - Australia

Too much of a good thing

Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 10:00 - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4154

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By Jack - 9/8/2016 00:23 - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13885

You deserved it

1334

Favorite

By just wanted nice nails - 5/8/2015 04:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13351

You deserved it

22056

Favorite

By My__life___ - 21/5/2014 00:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34364

You deserved it

29080

Favorite

By Asshole Parker - 6/9/2016 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13247

You deserved it

7376

Favorite

By penny-dropping - 16/4/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28294

You deserved it

3086

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/5/2011 04:38

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31422

You deserved it

3808

Favorite

By footscratching - 28/1/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32421

You deserved it

4456

Favorite

By INside - 2/8/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56833

You deserved it

10681

Favorite

By marisacb - 13/3/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32190

You deserved it

7649

Favorite

By igotpride - 9/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61699

You deserved it

5234

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/6/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28380

You deserved it

1992

Favorite

By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2014 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46091

You deserved it

5507

Favorite

By :( - 27/1/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23240

You deserved it

62161

Favorite

By Anthony - 14/4/2016 23:15 - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24047

You deserved it

1634

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 08:06

Sounds like a catch

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1112

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By all puked out - 13/7/2014 21:14 - Netherlands

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51538

You deserved it

4305

Favorite

By played - 21/6/2011 05:07 - Norway

Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54770

You deserved it

4852

Favorite

By Timmah - 31/8/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51158

You deserved it

15729

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

46247

You deserved it

3652

Favorite

By worker666 - 13/4/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43794

You deserved it

4221

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2017 12:00

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4656

You deserved it

562

Favorite

By ohemgee - 11/3/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22585

You deserved it

4850

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24170

You deserved it

1985

Favorite

By Infected - 20/2/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51813

You deserved it

19838

Favorite

By baconistasty27 - 1/8/2014 05:33 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40172

You deserved it

5109

Favorite

By Wifewithquestions - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Mysterious

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2364

You deserved it

307

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 04:39 - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35577

You deserved it

2412

Favorite

By tayluh26 - 15/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26558

You deserved it

15881

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4354

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By KN - 25/6/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38784

You deserved it

12487

Favorite

By sunshine19217 - 18/1/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31441

You deserved it

8646

Favorite

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44915

You deserved it

4901

Favorite

By AbFlab - 1/6/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34681

You deserved it

5188

Favorite

By Derps - 4/5/2011 09:11 - Denmark

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18426

You deserved it

39240

Favorite

By oh lord - 27/5/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28439

You deserved it

16764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6180

You deserved it

559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22720

You deserved it

4552

Favorite

By unknown - 26/2/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17041

You deserved it

30760

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By That_Guy_69_ | 8

#6285591 - Friday 8 May 2015 23:49

Fart smell and vomit smell, hopefully wasn't a long car ride

By evank98 | 10

#6285598 - Friday 8 May 2015 23:51

Hate to say it but you deserved itOP

COMMENTS

By OhWhoCares | 42

#6285585 - Friday 8 May 2015 23:49

Aw that's nasty... Vomit smell never leaves from a car. Summer is coming and that heat is gonna make it stink! I guess now you know not to fart in the car LOL