Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded, "It's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
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Top comments
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
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Comments (167)
yowzerz 5
Tells me two things: one, you really need to trim the pubes, and two, she clearly had her mind in the gutter, so i hope you did what she wanted and went and got some.
chexmixbmx 0
hey at least he gets head!
lmmmr 0
I don't see your logic.
acranine11 0
You're girlfriend is a perv
deathbunny256 0
Your
deathbunny256 0
That yucky.
Vagrarian 2
I'm not sure how pubes are gross...they're natural. Anytime I see shaved pubes my first thought is that the person had crabs and had to shave it all. Or that they had chemo and lost them all. To my eyes, shaved pubes make me wonder about your health or make me wonder why you're trying to look like a little kid down there, which is just creepy. Yeah, I said it, I think shaved pubes are creepy. Especially if the guy has body hair everywhere else but shaved pubes...then it just looks stupid. Plus, what is it with these "YDI for having a small dick" responses? How can a person help having a small dick? It's not like you can send it back or go out and get a replacement. There are penis-enlargement products out there but they're snake oil...they don't work. And dick size has little to do with how good a lover you are. At any rate, if this guy's girlfriend wants him to shave, and he's willing, fine. But he shouldn't feel bad or embarrassed for having what nature gave him.
UncleverName_FYL 0
Are you one of those girls who never shaves any of her body hair because you believe its unnatural? There are so many things that humans do that can be considered unnatural, body hair should be the least of your worries. For me shaven hair shows that a person groomed and taking care of themselves well.
diet_otaku 0
i don't shave to "look like a little kid," and i wish people would quit making that assumption. i don't associate a hairless pussy with a juvenile, i associate with proper hygiene. i shave that shit because it is AWFUL to deal with during a certain week out of the month and frankly i just don't like pubes. just because something is natural doesn't mean it can't be gross.
willothwisp 0
I feel like naked looks like a little kid too. However, hair in your mouth is nasty. You don't have to shave it all off, you just need to trim it up so its not a jungle. Voila, you look old enough for sex but arnt nasty.
56578 0
Shaving and trimming are two different things. Maybe he just needs to breakout the scissors and trim a little. His girlfriend never said he needed to shave, just that his pubes were getting caught in her teeth... I'm sure that the OP would prefer his girlfriend at least trim her pubes when he's going down on her, then for him to have to choke on her hair.
Vagrarian 2
No, actually, I'm a guy. And I'm gay. And...well, let's just say I've never had complaints or people telling me to trim or shave. But I've known a number of people who have lost their pubes because of one health problem or another, from crabs to chemo, so when I see someone with totally shaved pubes, I can't help but wonder exactly what they're suffering from. To me, it just looks unhealthy. Maybe that's just my individual reaction. People have gone down on each other for centuries before this and only now are people saying that they need to shave. Or "trim." (We don't know what the OP's girlfriend wants.) This is a recent trend, and you can bet folks are making money off of it (like those folks selling "body trimmers"). I've heard people say that shaving "makes it look bigger" but looking bigger and being bigger are two different things...it's like padding your bathing suit. Sure, it may look bigger, but when it comes to the down'n'dirty, nothing's changed. Plus, when the stubble comes in, that's a freakin' pain. Trimming is one thing, but total shaving is too much of a bother.
scott_m319 0
Spoken like a saint. It's not the size that counts; it's how it's used!
dragonstrike94 8
I like to shave it for the initial surprise when it pops out it looks bigger and this pleases me and my girl
elsieenchanted 0
Mow your other lawn while your at it, obviously.
Freed0mfr1es 0
hey manscaping shouldn't be outta the question... just keep it down there
CallMeTheHunter 0
How the freak is this an FML?!
romaunts 0
Because its embarrassing and he just found out his gf finds his crotch gross? Granted, its a simple fix.
1234five 0
Disgusting
romaunts 0
Why did you tell her that, anyways? Buuuut, yeah. ew. Trim that shit. It really does get irritating and inconvenient. Be considerate. At least you know she wants you to now, so its not all bad. Just take care of it, and she'll enjoy going dowwwn even more. Maybe even do it more often. :)