Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded, "It's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
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Top comments
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
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Comments (167)
emmexox 0
uhmm. that's pretty gross .
nephewsam 0
Haha, I moderated this one. Funny stuff
AlexZB 0
your gf has a dirty mind, haha
DisappearingRose 18
I'M TRYING TO BATHE MY APE IN YOUR MILKYWAY!
izzybodeen 0
that was weird
razzumfrazzum 0
I know this is probably a case of the OP's gf using poor word choice.....but caught in her teeth? Really? Am I the only one to notice that? The only way anything gets caught in your teeth is if you're chewing something. If she's really getting his pubic hair caught in her teeth then either the OP is in to some super kinky shit, or he has a bubble yum penis OM NOM NOM NOM lol (no ****) :D
Funky_T 0
#117 ....SO TRUE!! how the **** can it get caught in her teeth?????.... does she chew on your dick? Or has she got a bent set of teeth? u need to dump that bitch
ful_fml 0
why would you txt someone just to tell your mowing your lawn?
frannytrois64 0
Jesus, that shit's gross! Mow hers then.
doof_fisch 2
I bet you're glad you didn't tell her that you were cutting some wood.
tonia_fml 0
******' NASTY.
OhhandyT 0
OMG This is one of the funniest FMLs yet!