Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend... - FML

By just_a_bit_akwRd - United States

Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML

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Proactive

Monetize your shit life

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Anonymous - United States - Waynesboro

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

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By Alex - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

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By kimosabe - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

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By Jgfenix - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

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By locker - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

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By Brook363 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 22:02 - United States - Anchorage

Get the message, dude

Today, after telling my boyfriend of 8 years on Monday that I'm unhappy and don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, he said to me just now, "So, I’m thinking of proposing to you in December." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

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By Unknown - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML

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By Ilostsomuch - United States

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

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By anon - United States - Poquoson

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

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By michael

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

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By kggggg - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

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By Lennie Mcfish

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By Nutellalover - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

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By douglas - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

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By ineedanotherdrink - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

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By SlowPacker - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

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By izziegrl - Mexico - Naucalpan

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

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By analbel

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

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By anime_love - United States

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

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By yeahno - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

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By mischalucksux - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

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By emix - United States

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

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By Ouch

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By Anonymous

Professional.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

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By good_aim - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML

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By RustyRuski - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

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By loserman - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

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By mikey - United States

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

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By Becca - United States - Tampa

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

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By rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

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By couch potato - 16/3/2020 03:03

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

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Top comments

By georgia_fml | 0

#456121 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:39

I'd go shove it on her chest.
Oh well, she sounds funny :P

By Chaith | 16

#456127 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:45

Make your way to electronics in the nearest department store.. swipe a kiddy game for $7.99 or so..

Next time you see her with a low cut top, put the 'Early Childhood' sticker between.

Lolol

COMMENTS

By Hanagumo | 0

#456109 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:33

time to ditch her!

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#456168 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:24

.

Reply

lmmmr | 0

#456427 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 16:41

What is with the "I can't take a joke" FMLs lately?

Reply

SpitFyre | 0

#456489 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 17:14

Seriously. Get a sense of humor.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#456687 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 18:53

Actually a lot of FMLs are posted for the comedic value, so it's possible that the OP found this funny... I know I did!

Reply

chinolatino | 0

#456948 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 20:38

@#78
Funny is My Life, anyone?

Reply

theweirdshipper | 0

#457090 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 21:46

Go Yoda. And that dude's girlfriend!

Reply

curryndricegirll | 0

#457488 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:25

haha. obviously she has a sense of humor.

Reply

dowhatiwant | 0

#457531 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:48

did any of you saying get a sense of humor consider that it's probably not an FML because his girlfriend made a joke, but because he has a small dick?

Reply

bbobe900000 | 0

#458296 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 6:44

I agree with #78.

by the way... burying #19's comment? really??????

I am just amazed that people actually think there is a reason to bury that. Oh no. He put a dot. Time to bury. lol really people

Reply

nutbiscuit | 0

#474347 - Monday 10 August 2009 16:19

lol she sounds like a character, keep her, need more girls with a sense of humour

By cactus_fml | 0

#456114 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:36

Hahahahahahaha, nice.

Reply

fudgesicle | 6

#2708040 - Saturday 18 June 2011 10:42

I would have done the same thing.

By 8trickster8 | 0

#456115 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:36

Ahahahah she sounds awesome

Reply

Ana_Aryani | 0

#456248 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:54

Fucking A!

She sounds like the biggest champ :D

By georgia_fml | 0

#456121 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:39

I'd go shove it on her chest.
Oh well, she sounds funny :P

By timtam24 | 0

#456125 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:42

hahaha it was a joke (or so i assume) don't worry about it

Reply

fudgesicle | 6

#2708046 - Saturday 18 June 2011 10:44

I'd worry

By Chaith | 16

#456127 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:45

Make your way to electronics in the nearest department store.. swipe a kiddy game for $7.99 or so..

Next time you see her with a low cut top, put the 'Early Childhood' sticker between.

Lolol

Reply

metheonlyb | 17

#456177 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:32

You Win #6!!

Reply

blueworld_fml | 0

#456258 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:07

Yes! or anything with "TRAINER" on it...

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#457201 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 22:43

YES! Perfect.

Seriously, I do hope this was a joke, because... I have recently discovered most women have no idea what the hell a "small" penis is. They think their giant dildos are accurate depictions of dicks.

Reply

jumpman3000 | 0

#457463 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:15

GENIUS

Reply

Quid_Pro_Quo | 1

#6722512 - Wednesday 14 December 2016 6:12

That's one of the reasons I don't want to use any. Especially before I even try a real one, I don't want to spoil the first experience.

By GreenDaysGeekGrl | 0

#456131 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:49

LMAO

By sireen | 0

#456132 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:50

are guys THAT sensitive about their penis size? she was kidding.

Reply

Faced159 | 0

#456732 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 19:11

lololol you're great. Also... What guy wears x-small pants? OP must be emo... possibly because of his small penis. :D

By cyxx | 0

#456135 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:54

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!! Please ask her if we can be best friends.

Reply

growingupnextmon | 3

#456157 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:13

Yes.

Reply

metheonlyb | 17

#456179 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:34

Yes We Are!!! Thats the thing that makes us Guys right?? It is verrrrrrry important for us.

Reply

cogburca | 0

#456214 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:24

yes.... my boyfriend's "short" so when i tell him he's a "small guy" he takes it super offensively. guys are waaaaay too sensitive, but i guess that's what makes them guys!

Reply

Chasted | 0

#456216 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:24

A guys penis is a womans weight/age/wrinkles/whatever.

Reply

maddog_fml | 0

#456289 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:29

@#9
So why do women get boob jobs??
If the OP had said that his gf had small tits, she def had post an FML.

Reply

Alexgoesfml | 3

#456300 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:37

Seriously, girls shouldn't kick us in the crotch to teach some of us a lesson, just tell the guys they have a small penis. It will shut them up forever. It shows how pathetic some guys man-ego are.

Reply

jet_fml | 0

#456699 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 18:56

not necessarily. some of us like being smaller :)

Reply

DrAwesome | 6

#456995 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 21:00

#79, wake up, honey. You've been talking in your sleep this whole time. Reality's a-knockin'.

Reply

bsias4ever | 0

#631694 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 18:46

haha good luck with that...YOU FAILA

By voodootrucker | 0

#456140 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:57

bullshit do you buy jeans at the dollar store don't think i ever saw jeans not sold in number sizes

Reply

hebron77 | 0

#3399384 - Friday 7 October 2011 5:15

Or it could just be another designation besides the number. I know I've seen alot of clothes like that.