Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend... - FML

By just_a_bit_akwRd - 4/8/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Great boyfriend

Who's a good boy?

By pubquizgenius - 27/1/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

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By rukus - 16/6/2009 03:25 - Canada

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

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By Frank - 17/8/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

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By indian:( - 18/1/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

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By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

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By Weddingbelles - 12/9/2016 15:52 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML

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By suckstobeme - 12/4/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

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By Aspireworks - 29/1/2013 22:46 - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

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By wtactualfuck :( - 24/10/2012 21:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2015 22:12 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

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By vstan - 25/8/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2012 08:47 - United States - Kent

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

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By Konstantine - 5/10/2009 13:55 - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

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By - 25/4/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

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By Megan - 23/2/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

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By Tee - 11/12/2009 09:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

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By jeesh - 31/1/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

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By Shelling Ford - 25/8/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

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By Random - 25/2/2016 22:09 - United States - Tuskegee

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

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By Anonomous - 26/1/2015 15:48 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

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By ARGHHHH - 4/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

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By Snow-White - 4/7/2014 00:27 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

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By Journo - 27/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

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By Miffy - 4/9/2018 23:00 - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 06:29 - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

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By left out - 11/1/2014 20:26 - United States - Spencer

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

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By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 00:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

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By smallpaycheck - 16/8/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

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By How can you f*** up that bad!? - 17/2/2017 15:51 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Saudi end of the internet, and it was awful…

Today, I was unable to connect to the Internet. After calling support, I was informed that due to a cut cable, the whole country will have no service from that provider for some time. The. Whole. Country. FML

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By MakeItMaaco - 11/7/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 11:12 - Australia - Hobart

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

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By seriously? - 27/5/2014 22:23 - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

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By Forever Alone - 3/7/2013 04:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

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By idiot - 30/10/2010 20:42 - France

Today, my son stuck coins in our DVD player. It would be cute if he wasn't 25. FML

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By HappinessOrOrgasms - 5/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

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Top comments

By georgia_fml | 0

#456121 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:39

I'd go shove it on her chest.
Oh well, she sounds funny :P

By Chaith | 16

#456127 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:45

Make your way to electronics in the nearest department store.. swipe a kiddy game for $7.99 or so..

Next time you see her with a low cut top, put the 'Early Childhood' sticker between.

Lolol

COMMENTS

By Hanagumo | 0

#456109 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:33

time to ditch her!

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#456168 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:24

.

Reply

lmmmr | 0

#456427 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 16:41

What is with the "I can't take a joke" FMLs lately?

Reply

SpitFyre | 0

#456489 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 17:14

Seriously. Get a sense of humor.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#456687 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 18:53

Actually a lot of FMLs are posted for the comedic value, so it's possible that the OP found this funny... I know I did!

Reply

chinolatino | 0

#456948 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 20:38

@#78
Funny is My Life, anyone?

Reply

theweirdshipper | 0

#457090 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 21:46

Go Yoda. And that dude's girlfriend!

Reply

curryndricegirll | 0

#457488 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:25

haha. obviously she has a sense of humor.

Reply

dowhatiwant | 0

#457531 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:48

did any of you saying get a sense of humor consider that it's probably not an FML because his girlfriend made a joke, but because he has a small dick?

Reply

bbobe900000 | 0

#458296 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 6:44

I agree with #78.

by the way... burying #19's comment? really??????

I am just amazed that people actually think there is a reason to bury that. Oh no. He put a dot. Time to bury. lol really people

Reply

nutbiscuit | 0

#474347 - Monday 10 August 2009 16:19

lol she sounds like a character, keep her, need more girls with a sense of humour

By cactus_fml | 0

#456114 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:36

Hahahahahahaha, nice.

Reply

fudgesicle | 6

#2708040 - Saturday 18 June 2011 10:42

I would have done the same thing.

By 8trickster8 | 0

#456115 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:36

Ahahahah she sounds awesome

Reply

Ana_Aryani | 0

#456248 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:54

Fucking A!

She sounds like the biggest champ :D

By georgia_fml | 0

#456121 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:39

I'd go shove it on her chest.
Oh well, she sounds funny :P

By timtam24 | 0

#456125 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:42

hahaha it was a joke (or so i assume) don't worry about it

Reply

fudgesicle | 6

#2708046 - Saturday 18 June 2011 10:44

I'd worry

By Chaith | 16

#456127 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:45

Make your way to electronics in the nearest department store.. swipe a kiddy game for $7.99 or so..

Next time you see her with a low cut top, put the 'Early Childhood' sticker between.

Lolol

Reply

metheonlyb | 17

#456177 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:32

You Win #6!!

Reply

blueworld_fml | 0

#456258 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:07

Yes! or anything with "TRAINER" on it...

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#457201 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 22:43

YES! Perfect.

Seriously, I do hope this was a joke, because... I have recently discovered most women have no idea what the hell a "small" penis is. They think their giant dildos are accurate depictions of dicks.

Reply

jumpman3000 | 0

#457463 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 0:15

GENIUS

Reply

Quid_Pro_Quo | 1

#6722512 - Wednesday 14 December 2016 6:12

That's one of the reasons I don't want to use any. Especially before I even try a real one, I don't want to spoil the first experience.

By GreenDaysGeekGrl | 0

#456131 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:49

LMAO

By sireen | 0

#456132 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:50

are guys THAT sensitive about their penis size? she was kidding.

Reply

Faced159 | 0

#456732 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 19:11

lololol you're great. Also... What guy wears x-small pants? OP must be emo... possibly because of his small penis. :D

By cyxx | 0

#456135 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:54

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!! Please ask her if we can be best friends.

Reply

growingupnextmon | 3

#456157 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:13

Yes.

Reply

metheonlyb | 17

#456179 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 13:34

Yes We Are!!! Thats the thing that makes us Guys right?? It is verrrrrrry important for us.

Reply

cogburca | 0

#456214 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:24

yes.... my boyfriend's "short" so when i tell him he's a "small guy" he takes it super offensively. guys are waaaaay too sensitive, but i guess that's what makes them guys!

Reply

Chasted | 0

#456216 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 14:24

A guys penis is a womans weight/age/wrinkles/whatever.

Reply

maddog_fml | 0

#456289 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:29

@#9
So why do women get boob jobs??
If the OP had said that his gf had small tits, she def had post an FML.

Reply

Alexgoesfml | 3

#456300 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:37

Seriously, girls shouldn't kick us in the crotch to teach some of us a lesson, just tell the guys they have a small penis. It will shut them up forever. It shows how pathetic some guys man-ego are.

Reply

jet_fml | 0

#456699 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 18:56

not necessarily. some of us like being smaller :)

Reply

DrAwesome | 6

#456995 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 21:00

#79, wake up, honey. You've been talking in your sleep this whole time. Reality's a-knockin'.

Reply

bsias4ever | 0

#631694 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 18:46

haha good luck with that...YOU FAILA

By voodootrucker | 0

#456140 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 12:57

bullshit do you buy jeans at the dollar store don't think i ever saw jeans not sold in number sizes

Reply

hebron77 | 0

#3399384 - Friday 7 October 2011 5:15

Or it could just be another designation besides the number. I know I've seen alot of clothes like that.