Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded, "It's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
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Top comments
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
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Comments (167)
Honda288 2
Haha damn that's funny
scott_m319 0
People, please, how can you possibly tell someone that you're mowing the lawn without risking it being misunderstood? Cutting the grass? Trimming the bushes? Landscaping? It sounds dirty no matter how you phrase it, so it obviously wasn't poor word choice; his gf's mind is just in the gutter. And you can't really blame the OP for not trimming sooner, because it sounds like this complaint from his gf was the first he heard about it. It's an easy fix, though...
michelleyily 0
soooooo. . . did you get the hint and shave them or what?
My2864 1
why would you even text her that? highlight of the day much? :/
DAN7IEL 2
well then u outta get a razor and start shavin, it ur girl is doin stuff like that to you she at least deserves a clean shave to work with
crashsapphire93 4
you don’t know how glad this makes me to be celibate.
grooglius 0
where is the "that doesn't suck at all" button?
mayhemmonkey001 0
mow ur lawn dammit!
Sunny_Eclipse 6
Why the **** would THAT be the first thing she thinks of when you say "mowing my lawn"? Weird chick...
DisappearingRose 18
Is she a cow?