Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded, "It's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
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Top comments
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
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Comments (167)
AntiChrist7 0
you must be a very boring person if that's the most exciting thing you can talk about
quantum_insanity 0
what if it was part of a longer conversation? she probably asked what he was doing or something.
deliapearl 0
how is this a FML?
WonderBlunder 0
Your weiner is very small for your "lawn" to get caught in her teeth.
zolziski 11
That, or his girlfriend's just really, really good lol.
jnic 0
Or his bush is really ******* long and crazy.
Flip3289 9
Maybe she just like to deep throat, ever thought of that?
viral_fml 0
Gotta agree with Wonder, but you're still getting head, so you've still got mowing to do.
pumface 0
you must have a really small dick. ydi
Rude_Girl_Ska 0
This story can go 2 ways. Either you REALLY need to shave those pubes of yours or you girlfriend's a Goat Either way, FYL man.
dg72592_fml 0
haha that was funny as shit
daniisme 0
win 17. I'm on a goat, I'm on a goat, every body look at me cuz I'm on a mutha ****** goat
theset3 0
haha
silverash_fml 3
Two things, if that is all you have to speak to your girlfriend about I think you need a change, e.g. maybe a trim downstairs. Secondly, if that is the first thing she thinks about, you better trim it otherwise your not getting any head again.
iFruit 0
Maybe she likes to eat the grass outside your house! No one ever considered that!
plexico 4
I did! I'm thinking the girlfriend is cheating on the dude WITH HIS OWN LAWN! If he didn't find out this way, I'm sure he'd come home early one day, find her going down on the lawn, taking it rhizome-deep! Who knew she'd prefer dirt and grass to his junk!?
iFruit 0
Ahem, who wouldn't prefer grass and dirt? Lol
thatonesinginkid 0
Amen!
nebjamin69 0
Common courtesy, man. You have to figure there's a line between acceptable hair and unacceptable hair. Sometimes, it's okay to clear-cut a forest.... Besides, there's really nothing to be bitching about. At least she still put your penis in your mouth. Stop your complaining.
deathbunny256 0
Yeah, at least she put your penis in your mouth you whiny baby.
diet_otaku 0
if she's putting his penis in HIS mouth, i think he's got bigger issues...
nebjamin69 0
haha oops... I didn't even realize that. That is definitely a shitty buzz. FML