Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML
Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
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Top comments
JGrevious 0
charming. absouluty charming
Freeze_fml 17
How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.
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Comments (245)
ShayLove8 0
Dude that ******* sucks eh LOL FYL hard core...
unknown_female 0
mmmm mmm mmm bad bad bad hygene -_-
cadillackitty 0
how do you forget to wash your hands after using the bathroom? unless you were just potty trained washing your hands should be a normal thing right after you go to the bathroom.
KurouTenshi 0
@ #13 those are my favourite kind, especially in bed or on the couch...or in the car...or in the guest bed...or in the old house' master bedroom...or the kitchen..oh god what good memories in such many places. OP: it's called soap. use it.
hotpinkdiamond 0
*******. gross.
aardvarkish 17
Win! For shit that doesn't stink...
pepperandroses 0
do you play with your shit in the bathroom WTF are you doing if you have crap under your nails
buggybeauty 0
now maybe you'll was your hands EVERY TIME from now on! YDI big time!!!
daydreamstar 7
OP, If you werent a man, I would ask you if werethe woman who previously had been the record holder for longest finger nails, though recently lost em in an accident, and did this outta habit..... sooo.. you dont have enough money for toilet paper. this is a more of a ewwwwwwww next please.' :/ lol
kBzee 3
How do you forget to wash your hands? Sicko....it's ppl like you who spread disease.