Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML
Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
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Top comments
JGrevious 0
charming. absouluty charming
Freeze_fml 17
How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.
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Comments (245)
pun619 0
thats just gross. how do u forget u took a shit¿ did u just walk out and started biting ur hands or u were still in the bathroom? eather way ydi¡
crazeelife12 0
so, how did your ass taste?
FMLrockzdude 0
nasty it's like the poo touch instead of the cheese touch
Bizzatch 0
That's ******* disgusting!
lime_tiki 2
why do people always have to add "massive" before dump? Like seriously come on that's gross we don't need to know that
xHabsfanx 0
Because people feel the need to emphasize the size of their shit, as if it's something to be proud of...
The_Norwegian 2
Well it is.
xHabsfanx 0
Lol..yes, your tiny dump made my day. o.O
FatalWedgie 0
tiny dumps need not be wiped therefore handwashing also not applicable.
nommnom_fml 0
but. What if u had a seperate toilet from ur sink to wash ur hands. when u take a "massive" dump, ur going to touch the for handle, infecting it. so even if u took a tiny dump ur goin touch that shorty doorhandle an need to wash ur hand anyway :]
dsegui4 0
ewwwwwww u have issues OP!!! how could u forget to wash ur hands
Mx_Rider 6
as long as you didnt wipe your ass with your fingernails it shouldnt be too bad... but still, F your life for not being clean.
R3kli3 10
eww
Ecnassianer 0
YDI for not adhering to personal hygene standards.
mdavis0529 14
A) How do you "forget" to wash your hands? B) Dumbass!!!