Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting from Texas, so I made a brisket, smoked for 10 hours on the barbecue, and it was perfect. Alas, when my husband cut the meat, he burst a perfectly cooked cyst the size of a lemon that stank the whole house out. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
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Top comments
wizardcorn04 14
Is your dad Gordon Ramsey by any chance?
chaseafterwind82 29
Lol! Ride it back into the kitchen and finish cooking it!
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Comments (86)
ber4fun 23
Well now through the experience your next steak will be much better.
laden_swallow09 35
Your dad is a pussy. Blood is what gives it the flavor!
jackipdoc 31
I love a rare steak. They're way better that way.
Exaspera 55
My favorite way to eat red meat-with a little help it can survive!
FFStepchild283 24
Well, that's the way it should be cooked! Just enough heat to scare it from MOOOving again while you're eating it and kill the bacteria on the surface.
CliffyB03 28
Did you forget to turn the stove on while cooking?
Jwaye2 7
Most people i know prefer their steak cooked medium to rare. If its not still bleading you have cooked it too much, Bedides its better for you to eat rare steaks over well done. Honestly if a women cooked me a proper rare steak id probably propose to her lol
gracehi 33
Sounds like you cooked the steak just right to me.
worldclassrager 41
Moove that back go the grill...
davek 36
This steak is so rare, it's extinct!
philsh94 20
that's how steak should be eaten! sounds like you cooked it perfectly to me