Today, my in-laws were visiting from Texas, so I made a brisket, smoked for 10 hours on the barbecue, and it was perfect. Alas, when my husband cut the meat, he burst a perfectly cooked cyst the size of a lemon that stank the whole house out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "This tastes like shit!" I said. His wife baked it. FML
Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML
Today, my husband managed to make Chipotle's beef barbacoa recipe perfectly in our kitchen. I couldn't stop eating, it tasted so good. Then I realized this is the most pleasure he's brought me in the six years we've been together. FML
Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML
Today, I got off night shift and went home to make a batch of taquitos. I put them in the oven and sat down on the couch, only to pass out. I woke up 8 hours later to my wife getting home from work and freaking out that the house smelled like smoke. I think I overcooked them. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DLBL 23
Lawsuit? For what? Not having the steer medically examined with an MRI before being butchered? How about we chalk this up to bad luck, and let the store replace it.
SAgirl 23
That's horrifying.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (2)
SAgirl 23
That's horrifying.
Yudith 28
That sounds like a perfectly cooked complaint to the store that sold the brisket, with a side of refund or small claims lawsuit.
DLBL 23
Lawsuit? For what? Not having the steer medically examined with an MRI before being butchered? How about we chalk this up to bad luck, and let the store replace it.
Yudith 28
Lawsuit if the store won't replace the brisket because they can't be a**ed to examine the meat they sell for cysts the size of a lemon.