Love: Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives... - FML

By Creep - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

18287

You deserved it

149069

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

BO Central

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By xharuki - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32566

You deserved it

3504

Tweet

Share

By melimelo24 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44472

You deserved it

7473

Tweet

Share

By corleon198425 - 13/11/2020 20:08

Face your demons

Today, I finally got a job after months of searching due to Covid. The bad news? It's cleaning dog kennels. I have an extreme fear of animal poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

619

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By MrAwsum - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

110149

You deserved it

48475

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25243

You deserved it

2432

Tweet

Share

By Brunette, small breasts - Romania - Campina

Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said "hello" to which he replied "first, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18922

You deserved it

1388

Tweet

Share

By schnegg - Switzerland

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19317

You deserved it

1342

Tweet

Share

By Rejection - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28869

You deserved it

15604

Tweet

Share

By crash and burn - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8457

You deserved it

2191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36457

You deserved it

2572

Tweet

Share

By kysier - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50258

You deserved it

2406

Tweet

Share

By JoeyDizz - United States

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18238

You deserved it

66497

Tweet

Share

By megmo7 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28339

You deserved it

4440

Tweet

Share

By A.J. - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1776

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, whom I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10526

You deserved it

1598

Tweet

Share

By Embarrassed - Germany

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34101

You deserved it

6257

Tweet

Share

By but why

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2456

You deserved it

349

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6542

You deserved it

64570

Tweet

Share

By flowerfail - United States

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43633

You deserved it

4952

Tweet

Share

By arse-face - Ireland - Caher

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53872

You deserved it

4848

Tweet

Share

By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26792

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By EdgardoP - United States - Allentown

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29215

You deserved it

3518

Tweet

Share

By ugh. - United States - Palo Alto

Full house

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2097

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By BARF - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27468

You deserved it

130095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Dumpy baby

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By littlepsychgirl - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36381

You deserved it

2912

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56728

You deserved it

3758

Tweet

Share

By cheerbabeXoXo - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45506

You deserved it

4959

Tweet

Share

By Darice - 8/8/2020 05:03

Mom of the year

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1351

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By Rjlup - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48539

You deserved it

7150

Tweet

Share

By awkwardturtle - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30588

You deserved it

13793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36571

You deserved it

20767

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

52127

You deserved it

18896

Tweet

Share

By SingleWorker - United States

Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36037

You deserved it

2752

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27832

You deserved it

2899

Tweet

Share

By nothisfault - France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18840

You deserved it

29287

Tweet

Share

By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

680

You deserved it

82

Tweet

Share

By dzisfml - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30455

You deserved it

4593

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28928

You deserved it

3470

Tweet

Share

By I'm screwed - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32545

You deserved it

2377

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By J0HNYR0773N | 0

#64331 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:07

ew u fuckin creeper

By Inspired22 | 11

#64326 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:06

That's awkward. It sucks that you got caught. Remember his privacy, though! You wouldn't want someone watching you when you're alone!

COMMENTS

By llSgtScopell | 0

#64321 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:04

Hahaha, I'm a cunt.

Reply

surescope | 0

#1100657 - Saturday 17 July 2010 7:23

stalker much

Reply

Miss_Represented | 0

#1127091 - Friday 23 July 2010 7:14

Creeper!!

Reply

ilpissoffahappym | 0

#2341663 - Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:23

someone just got owned

Reply

kuizinaz | 0

#2674293 - Monday 13 June 2011 23:28

omg! hahahahaha!!!!! usi-ysi

By ecilart | 0

#64322 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:04

haha that IS creepy o_o

Reply

pudkiller | 0

#951694 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:29

I agree

stalkers

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#3326461 - Thursday 22 September 2011 4:18

Just offer a threeway, he will forgive you

Reply

torch433 | 1

#4320198 - Wednesday 18 April 2012 4:41

yup ó_ò

By Inspired22 | 11

#64326 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:06

That's awkward. It sucks that you got caught. Remember his privacy, though! You wouldn't want someone watching you when you're alone!

Reply

hotscar | 3

#948426 - Monday 15 March 2010 4:18

if the girl's hot, then I wouldn't mind.

Reply

gars56 | 5

#4823933 - Friday 17 August 2012 1:08

At least he wasn't doing something a bit more personnel if you know what I mean ;)

By J0HNYR0773N | 0

#64331 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:07

ew u fuckin creeper

Reply

ginglederf | 6

#4535813 - Thursday 7 June 2012 12:12

Sssssssssssssss

Reply

Star928 | 7

#4738646 - Friday 27 July 2012 7:47

BOOM

Reply

year2015 | 11

#6184687 - Tuesday 27 January 2015 5:50

GOD DAMN IT CREEPER YOU NEVER SHOW UP UNTIL I FUCKING FIND DIAMONDS!!!!!!

By NoThankYouu | 0

#64337 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

nightELFassasin6 | 0

#896361 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:47

then it's ok for him to watch her

Reply

LissaMccracken | 23

#5550946 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 3:23

Umm no, still wouldn't be okay. I have a feeling you are single.

Reply

flossingpancake | 18

#6574538 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 7:18

Your use of emoticons gave me cancer

By iLIAMMM | 0

#64339 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:10

you and your friend are weird, lmao. im glad he told you to go away, creeeperrr. YDI.

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6374496 - Friday 7 August 2015 21:50

now all they need is a van that says "free candy" lol

By 5ive | 0

#64341 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:12

you didnt have to be so obvious.
i mean really, the roof?! he'll see you there!

By interventions | 1

#64342 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:14

that's so fucking creepy but im drunk as fuck right now so im laughin hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhaha @ you.

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5806340 - Friday 27 December 2013 7:33

How did this get so many thumbs ups?

By bco12 | 0

#64349 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:17

can we say... stalker?

By aeooaiu | 0

#64350 - Saturday 28 March 2009 9:18

oh my, so stalker hahaha

Reply

johobus28 | 26

#6120948 - Monday 17 November 2014 17:37

Yet if he was looking at her, he'd be arrested and given a restraining order