Love: Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives...

By Creep - 28/03/2009 00:24 - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 149 166

Love

You tried

The runs

Noise annoys

By uggghhhh - 21/12/2016 22:28

Today, it's 3 days before Christmas and my first day of holidays. Today is also the first day I have been sick all year. Hello tonsillitis, goodbye fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 169

You deserved it 640

By pplsuck - 25/09/2012 23:57 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 247

You deserved it 2 755

By Maxie-Nathanial - 23/05/2010 09:10 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 755

You deserved it 8 211

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 177

You deserved it 2 362

Time to lay down the law

By Christiana Lipphardt - 09/07/2021 20:01

Today, I was told that my in-laws are visiting next weekend. I already have anxiety, as they behaved really badly last time and treat our newborn like a toy and keep bothering her. My husband won't say anything as he wants to spare their feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 118

You deserved it 13 681

Parenting gone feral

By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 269

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 06/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 791

You deserved it 1 660

Bored

By V.. - 08/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 341

What?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 110

By nomorepetbird - 06/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 016

You deserved it 3 852

By twitterfailsme - 04/11/2013 12:08 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 947

You deserved it 3 527

By infortunatename - 01/08/2014 23:10 - United States

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 001

You deserved it 12 766

By Finding Kemo - 16/04/2016 19:12 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 2 145

By feelthesting - 06/07/2015 22:26 - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 544

You deserved it 1 836

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 188

By thoughtidseenitall - 02/02/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 268

You deserved it 4 001

By iheartnjdevils - 12/01/2011 19:42 - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 528

You deserved it 7 901

By mikki_arlert - 08/10/2016 05:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 343

You deserved it 684

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 006

You deserved it 37 957

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 733

You deserved it 6 975

By Bethany - 20/01/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 377

You deserved it 15 791

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 20:03

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 26/05/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my therapist as gay. Claiming that my parents "can't be that homophobic", my therapist outed me to them. They kicked me out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 427

By KillMeNow - 18/10/2011 16:08 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 762

You deserved it 73 978

By Preggie - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 819

You deserved it 23 502

Ouch

By HelloDrMeAgain - 24/12/2016 14:45

Today, my girlfriend's "sheltered" 15-year-old niece is sharing our tiny home. Shortly after she arrived, I started to pass a kidney stone. I've had 3 hours of vomiting and cold-sweating while pissing acidic blood and a stone in absolute agony. The niece is "traumatized". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 902

You deserved it 606

By Walmart Associate - 27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 16/11/2015 08:23 - Maldives - Male

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 534

You deserved it 1 707

By sozzy - 07/07/2012 07:26 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 441

You deserved it 6 980

By outplayed - 01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 2 468

By bex - 07/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 2 167

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 495

You deserved it 2 834

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 303

By Squeezebox - 30/08/2017 08:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 183

You deserved it 551

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 796

You deserved it 1 841

By Clumsy - 08/09/2016 12:06 - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 079

You deserved it 1 401

By scared shitless in ohio - 25/09/2013 20:02 - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 743

You deserved it 5 512

Shitpants blues

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 68

By ktin - 19/08/2010 12:02 - Australia

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 382

You deserved it 4 854

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