Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38401

You deserved it

8383

Favorite

Animals

Proactive

Season finale

Age ain't nothing but a number

By marryinghimanyway - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53818

You deserved it

2922

Favorite

By apowell5 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14536

You deserved it

40461

Favorite

By teachingsucks - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11713

You deserved it

24898

Favorite

By over prtective father - United States - Washington

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45537

You deserved it

5527

Favorite

By RejectRaven

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2535

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1483

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30372

You deserved it

5338

Favorite

By Rage - United States

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43807

You deserved it

4457

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19560

You deserved it

53477

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28026

You deserved it

3231

Favorite

By oops - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72174

You deserved it

6991

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24453

You deserved it

6773

Favorite

By familyofpsychos - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29321

You deserved it

2330

Favorite

By Mouhahaa - France

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21581

You deserved it

36200

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44311

You deserved it

7268

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Broken equipment

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

396

Favorite

By fucking fuck off - United States

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26937

You deserved it

1971

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40239

You deserved it

4818

Favorite

By cdn_steed - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35876

You deserved it

4639

Favorite

By Poopyhead - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30625

You deserved it

15637

Favorite

By DocKreso - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55763

You deserved it

6359

Favorite

By Phoebe - Singapore

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37743

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By Moose - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7574

You deserved it

31336

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22349

You deserved it

87793

Favorite

By Loveless - United States - Ashland

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4125

You deserved it

404

Favorite

By starfishedasshole - United States

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49886

You deserved it

4299

Favorite

By InnocenceBlue - Australia - Perth

Today, after I've been nauseous for a week straight, barely eating or sleeping, I was going to see my doctor. She then called in sick and I can't get an appointment for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1554

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By DogStew

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1270

You deserved it

226

Favorite

By Ugly - Netherlands

Tough Love

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4988

You deserved it

468

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31226

You deserved it

1843

Favorite

By Well then

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3177

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By the critic - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26212

You deserved it

5977

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27119

You deserved it

8423

Favorite

By ifeeldirty - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37917

You deserved it

8810

Favorite

By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36894

You deserved it

4592

Favorite

By JD300 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29933

You deserved it

3906

Favorite

By missmom83 - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40991

You deserved it

5460

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

569

You deserved it

2247

Favorite

By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35625

You deserved it

9663

Favorite

By WearingOff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50612

You deserved it

26980

Favorite

By Mustache - 3/11/2020 14:02 - Austria

Bushy

Today, I was on my way to meet my partner's parents for the first time. Although I was in a rush, I managed to hop into the shower and shave. I now have a cut on my upper lip. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

816

You deserved it

166

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Chris5146 | 3

#2182309 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:01

eat the cat
teach it a lesson.

By marinus_fml | 19

#2182378 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:12

Your cat never watched Nemo? Fish are friends, not food!

COMMENTS

By hellosir23 | 0

#2182278 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 0:58

u are a fish

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2182434 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:21

A gay fish.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2182478 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:30

who likes fish sticks

fl0ffy | 0

#2182629 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 2:03

haha I don't have a cat so it can't eat my fish

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#2182652 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 2:07

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE FISH DIE YOU STANKY PUSSY

Adorlee | 11

#2182681 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 2:12

Gay fish who likes fish sticks with lots of tarter sauce

donkeyshlong42 | 1

#2182839 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 2:40

and whale seamen

shannyraelynn | 6

#2183164 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:22

that makes me sad :(

sandiiii | 0

#2183194 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:41

you're picture makes me happy ^.^ xD

persianjr1 | 7

#2183282 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 5:18

i can speak whale. woooohhhhhaaaaaa!!! moahhhhh. ( guess the reference)

C6Racer | 0

#2183287 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 5:22

That sounded a little orca-ish.

ImmortalKratos | 0

#2183632 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 6:48

well...at least it won't get dirty again anytime soon

WOW_BS | 0

#2183911 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 8:07

I already jizzed...

Criminalle | 0

#2184365 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 11:00

thats what u get for owning a cat.....if it was "Man's best friend" do you think that woulda happened? nooooooo

Iskaria | 0

#2184596 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 12:45

No the dog would have just drank the water :p

AshRedPokemon | 2

#2184629 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 13:01

u fail!

dinkibus | 18

#2184879 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 14:37

but the fish would be like wet kibble and just be eaten

By silvershadow13 | 3

#2182300 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:00

what a naughty pussy

rpace35 | 0

#2183748 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:18

cats are only good for target practice

tulsafml | 0

#2190588 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 22:35

Fuck that cat. Get a dog

By Chris5146 | 3

#2182309 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:01

eat the cat
teach it a lesson.

Itstherealjen | 0

#2182467 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:27

hahahaha
good one!

preetss | 0

#2183081 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 3:36

you can't the cat is poisonous

natewill113 | 0

#2183158 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:18

lol

Got_any_grapes1 | 4

#2183453 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 6:07

Dont eat the cat! Eat some grapes instead.

loganator50 | 3

#2184819 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 14:06

You wouldn't be able to anyway... (ninja cat)

By metallicshadow | 16

#2182312 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:01

ate your fish while cleaning the tank? where did you put them?

CherryBomb511 | 3

#2182339 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:05

On the couch so they can watch some tv while drinking a beer.

GumbetGirl | 1

#2182453 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:25

lol!!

florecitabetch | 0

#2183293 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 5:25

hahaha you made me laugh

florecitabetch | 0

#2183300 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 5:27

and I love your tattoo

StrangeCandy | 0

#2184362 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 10:55

I lol'd.

By CTVrhythmguitari | 8

#2182319 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:03

maybe you should have fed your cat more often :D

By Happygofucky | 0

#2182323 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:02

Lol, naughty kitty. My cat would do the same, he is sneaky and will eat anything!

By AkuskaUK | 6

#2182329 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:03

Awesome cat!

GoodLookingGeese | 10

#2184039 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 8:31

it's Garfield!!!

By Wheredidgrungego | 12

#2182334 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:05

I thought something seemed "fishy." Don't be a "pussy" about it, but it seems your feline companion thinks he is the "cat's pajamas." I just hope he can keep his "paws off" next time. But for now, the previous residents of your tank are "sleeping with the fishes."