Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being...

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

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Kids

Messed up

Inappropriate crush

Masterchef 2020

By "wolfssb135"

Today, I deeply underestimated my baby nephew's climbing skills. I returned from the bathroom to find a broken vase, spilled powder formula, and my phone wiped clean from too many incorrect password attempts. FML

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By Scorned Employee - United States

Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML

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By onehitwonder

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

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By Brian - United States

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

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By Jean - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

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By confusedbagel - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

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By acnebutt - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

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By firestar772 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

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By time to lawyer up - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

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By Mikey - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

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By ASMR

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

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By Sally19863 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

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By jessmess - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

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By bkay26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

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By ijustwantpizza - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

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By StretchNuts - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

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By jazz - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

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By Anon - United States - Tracy

Today, a cute guy came up to me and asked for my phone number. I was super excited and began to write it down when he said, "It doesn't have to be your real number, I'm not gonna call anyway." I still gave him my real number. FML

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By KittenTitz - 3/5/2020 20:00

Planned parenthood

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

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By rejected - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

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By dumpedandstranded - Canada

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

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By stretchy - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

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By tbanana95 - United States

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

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By Gurl - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

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By hatestomove - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

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By kimm1993 - United States - Chicago

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

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By Gutted. - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

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By Ouchhh - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

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By introuble - United States

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

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26488

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By Mia

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

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By guess28 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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By MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

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Top comments

By junkman6 | 22

#5769256 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

The idea of an obese bully being tazered makes me extremely happy.

By Shleebs | 12

#5769248 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Shocking.

COMMENTS

By Shleebs | 12

#5769248 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Shocking.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5769390 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:09

And that's how he became the most electrifying man in sports entertainment.

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5769473 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:22

Watt a buzz that must have been for your daughter.

ptoka | 20

#5769483 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:31

What did he do to spark such a reaction in your daughter?

addioty | 19

#5769557 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:14

Ah I moderated this. I'm curious as to how a 4 year old knew how to work it...

Chris93Jones | 20

#5769558 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:16

if you smellellellell what the chubs is cooking

154rct | 7

#5770498 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 21:24

*rimshot*

KingRay | 3

#5772719 - Saturday 30 November 2013 1:12

Punny

Tomato_Cheese | 22

#6496919 - Wednesday 30 December 2016 6:19

I got a buzz from the reading that one.

By BFons | 19

#5769251 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

wienerdog101 | 3

#5769311 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:49

Dude you're a tard

NotAddictive | 6

#5769312 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:49

I feel bad for your kids...

Kyuzomi | 12

#5769405 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:27

Medicine...? Wha...? So with your logic. Taser = medicine.

metalwolf | 17

#5769444 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 2:41

He must be referring to shocktarts as medicine

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5769479 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:27

cuz murder is the best answer to a bully

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5769538 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 4:56

#64 and #2 are related

Sitting_Ducki | 8

#5769544 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:01

Why???? He's a bully and I hope he got it in the balls lol

jazzy_123 | 20

#5769841 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 9:11

why would you taze your own daughter?

JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5769979 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 13:45

#100, he uh... He didn't.

JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5769981 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 13:49

#100, I read your comment wrong I'm sorry :p

cheaptrick2 | 4

#5771423 - Thursday 28 November 2013 20:00

*cough* CHILD ABUSE *Cough*

kc_bbg15 | 14

#5772454 - Friday 29 November 2013 19:46

You sir, are an idiot!

clever_name_here | 7

#5773787 - Sunday 1 December 2013 0:19

Did you read the whole FML or the last sentence?

By MateRicks | 18

#5769252 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

That must have been a shock

By itscare1217 | 13

#5769253 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:18

such an electrifying turn of events

By emirie | 21

#5769255 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

Where did she find your taser!?

jkmartinjk | 16

#5769700 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 6:46

I didn't know that people carry around tasers now... I better be careful out there.

Knightchaser27 | 25

#5770046 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 15:45

It was probably in OP's purse

ReignInBlood | 11

#5770145 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 17:37

The OP is a male, why would he have a purse?

peve3 | 12

#5770183 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 18:26

It's not a purse, it's a satchel!

Brightbulb | 39

#5770330 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 19:49

Every Doctor I know carries a taser. They get assaulted a lot

emirie | 21

#5771609 - Friday 29 November 2013 0:41

Its not a satchel, its a murse

By junkman6 | 22

#5769256 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

The idea of an obese bully being tazered makes me extremely happy.

Dawnstempest | 17

#5769288 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:30

Enough that you start shaking from joy?

\ | 28

#5769402 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:25

I was quaking in my boots...

jerryj | 27

#5769646 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 6:17

Especially if it's the obese bully from Ted. Boy does he deserve getting an "ouch".

lylotrezor | 20

#5769880 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 10:48

I don't think violence can be solved with even more violence.

Randomness90 | 27

#5770423 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 20:38

You and me both!

Samuel5463 | 12

#6203062 - Sunday 15 February 2015 6:22

Lol

By Gingy723 | 7

#5769257 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:20

That is awsome, props to ur daughter, hope u didnt get in to much trouble

By Nakoma_fml | 10

#5769258 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:20

That should teach him to "treat others how you want to be treated".

By jessBeAqueen | 13

#5769263 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:21

I'm guessing she was defending herself from his bullying. good for her. you should be proud of her for being able to take care of herself

JACKxRAWR | 22

#5769341 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 0:17

Even if not it's still funny as fuck.

cakefete2 | 30

#5769494 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 4:02

Would have been even funnier if she screamed pikachuuuuuu, then shocked him.

SarcasticShade | 16

#5770838 - Thursday 28 November 2013 4:37

I guess it was Pikachu versus Snorlax 71.

By Insane94 | 17

#5769265 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:22

Shocking.

Soulsbane96_fml | 11

#5769286 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:29

Sorry mate. 1 beat you to it. Gotta be quicker on the draw.

Insane94 | 17

#5769318 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:55

I know, I realised straight after I posted...

LittleBastard | 20

#5769395 - Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:14

You had time to change it to something more witty. 120 seconds, to be exact.