Kids: Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being...

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 19:05 - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 5 279

Kids

Hiding from the drama

Walk the line

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By dorrisdoes - 28/07/2014 20:47 - New Zealand

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 255

You deserved it 10 131

By lp525252 - 20/03/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 789

You deserved it 3 132

By souped - 10/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 42 450

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 79

By waiting till marriage, she said - 10/06/2015 15:28 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 830

You deserved it 2 499

By HDCkid - 05/04/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 549

You deserved it 62 840

By scared - 17/03/2015 21:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 599

You deserved it 4 307

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 39 609

By HomeImprover - 02/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 484

You deserved it 775

By unknown - 17/12/2012 11:37 - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 6 849

By lollipopgreen - 01/10/2011 12:33 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station to get a bag of chips. Upon moving towards the counter to pay, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a golf ball stuffed in his cheek. I said to him in a joking manner, "That's a huge pinch of dip!" His reply, "It's mouth cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 51 611

Constant flow

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 20:01

Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 111

By tom28402 - 22/02/2015 23:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I competed in a Tae Kwon Do competition. I came third with my team in the sparring event. My mum said as a joke, "Were there only 3 teams?" There were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 4 491

By Fatnotpregnant - 30/03/2017 16:00

Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 105

You deserved it 1 247

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 451

You deserved it 5 193

By lifedamntough - 28/06/2009 11:49 - Singapore

Today, I took a shower after I finished typing an important essay I've been working on for days. My computer illiterate mum shut the computer down when I was gone, without saving a thing. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for "wasting electricity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 140

You deserved it 64 878

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 180

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 793

You deserved it 4 047

By Queenie - 26/12/2018 14:00

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 718

You deserved it 177

By Single - 07/08/2010 11:01 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 270

You deserved it 6 997

Relatable reasoning

By Jake - 10/03/2021 23:00

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 215

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 580

You deserved it 41 675

By in_pain - 06/05/2011 23:23 - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 851

You deserved it 2 823

By whatheffers - 07/07/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 293

You deserved it 8 906

By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - 12/08/2009 22:43 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 3 233

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 6 545

The classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 16:01

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 282

By littl3storm - 13/05/2019 04:00

Today, I got up and walked to college for my only class which started at 9 a.m. after a night of restless sleep. Our exam is two weeks away, so I thought it would be better to attend. Apparently, my teacher thought differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 194

By fatto - 30/05/2017 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 2 609

By jj4320 - 17/09/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 40 920

By Scholar - 16/06/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 412

You deserved it 6 159

By stalked - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 534

You deserved it 4 776

By drkate25 - 18/12/2012 22:02 - United States - Enfield

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 807

You deserved it 30 464

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 128

By winks - 09/11/2016 19:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 497

You deserved it 1 699

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 161

By bouncekitty - 20/02/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 337

You deserved it 5 430

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 104 939

By tooembarrassed - 12/02/2016 15:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 121

You deserved it 1 965

By HouseWife - 21/05/2014 02:24 - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 273

You deserved it 6 912

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

junkman6 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

The idea of an obese bully being tazered makes me extremely happy.

Shleebs 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Shocking.

Shleebs 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Shocking.

TheCanucklehead 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:09

And that's how he became the most electrifying man in sports entertainment.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:22

Watt a buzz that must have been for your daughter.

ptoka 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:31

What did he do to spark such a reaction in your daughter?

addioty 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:14

Ah I moderated this. I'm curious as to how a 4 year old knew how to work it...

Chris93Jones 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:16

if you smellellellell what the chubs is cooking

154rct 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 21:24

*rimshot*

KingRay 3

Send a private message

Saturday 30 November 2013 1:12

Punny

Tomato_Cheese 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 30 December 2015 6:19

I got a buzz from the reading that one.

BFons 19

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

wienerdog101 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:49

Dude you're a tard

NotAddictive 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:49

I feel bad for your kids...

Kyuzomi 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:27

Medicine...? Wha...? So with your logic. Taser = medicine.

metalwolf 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 2:41

He must be referring to shocktarts as medicine

dingleberrysteve 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 3:27

cuz murder is the best answer to a bully

Rainhawk94 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 4:56

#64 and #2 are related

Sitting_Ducki 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 5:01

Why???? He's a bully and I hope he got it in the balls lol

jazzy_123 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 9:11

why would you taze your own daughter?

JustBeingAwesome 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 13:45

#100, he uh... He didn't.

JustBeingAwesome 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 13:49

#100, I read your comment wrong I'm sorry :p

cheaptrick2 4

Send a private message

Thursday 28 November 2013 20:00

*cough* CHILD ABUSE *Cough*

kc_bbg15 14

Send a private message

Friday 29 November 2013 19:46

You sir, are an idiot!

clever_name_here 7

Send a private message

Sunday 1 December 2013 0:19

Did you read the whole FML or the last sentence?

MateRicks 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:17

That must have been a shock

itscare1217 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:18

such an electrifying turn of events

emirie 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

Where did she find your taser!?

jkmartinjk 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 6:46

I didn't know that people carry around tasers now... I better be careful out there.

Knightchaser27 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 15:45

It was probably in OP's purse

ReignInBlood 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 17:37

The OP is a male, why would he have a purse?

peve3 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 18:26

It's not a purse, it's a satchel!

Brightbulb 39

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 19:49

Every Doctor I know carries a taser. They get assaulted a lot

emirie 21

Send a private message

Friday 29 November 2013 0:41

Its not a satchel, its a murse

junkman6 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:19

The idea of an obese bully being tazered makes me extremely happy.

Dawnstempest 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:30

Enough that you start shaking from joy?

\ 28

Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:25

I was quaking in my boots...

jerryj 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 6:17

Especially if it's the obese bully from Ted. Boy does he deserve getting an "ouch".

lylotrezor 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 10:48

I don't think violence can be solved with even more violence.

Randomness90 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 20:38

You and me both!

Samuel5463 12

Send a private message

Sunday 15 February 2015 6:22

Lol

Gingy723 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:20

That is awsome, props to ur daughter, hope u didnt get in to much trouble

Nakoma_fml 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:20

That should teach him to "treat others how you want to be treated".

jessBeAqueen 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:21

I'm guessing she was defending herself from his bullying. good for her. you should be proud of her for being able to take care of herself

JACKxRAWR 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 0:17

Even if not it's still funny as fuck.

cakefete2 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 4:02

Would have been even funnier if she screamed pikachuuuuuu, then shocked him.

SarcasticShade 16

Send a private message

Thursday 28 November 2013 4:37

I guess it was Pikachu versus Snorlax 71.

Insane94 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:22

Shocking.

Soulsbane96_fml 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:29

Sorry mate. 1 beat you to it. Gotta be quicker on the draw.

Insane94 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 November 2013 23:55

I know, I realised straight after I posted...

LittleBastard 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 1:14

You had time to change it to something more witty. 120 seconds, to be exact.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 14

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 164

Silver linings

Constant flow

I was bored before I even began

Relatable reasoning

The classic switcheroo

Love in the time of coronavirus

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments