Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mintcar 10
You put your arm around your dog to be " cute?" Strange reason.
ImaginaryFoe 1
"Let sleeping dogs lie." Never wondered why that's an old adage, huh?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
sallen0046 4
You startled a sleeping animal while in it's immediate space, why would you think that was a good idea? She's a dog, she has no concept of "cute". All she knew is that she woke up frightened with something grabbing her around the neck. Your fault.
SassiestLemon 2
Give her some slack, she lives in Tennessee
FMlbeast1 0
I agree I have eight dogs but if I go near them my nose gets bitten( if they have a toy ) mostly all puppies but they hurt
purplepenguine 0
that's Not an fml all these ppl r putting up crap things which r not fml they r just stuff they dint want to happen! look at the bet of fml that's the real ones idiot
Xx_Nikky_xX 4
haha
ydi_4_suking 20
so you lick dog testis before you go near them?
fthku 13
Forget the fact that she's a dog and might bite you, why would you wake her up like that? People seem to think it's completely fine to harress and annoy your pets because that's what YOU want to do, while they are clearly annoyed. But no, it's so cute and you want to hold her so it's fine to bug her completely. Would you like it if someone grabbed your leg or arm and wrapped it around their neck in your sleep? No, you'd think it's ******* weird and would be startled, then mad that they woke you up for no reason.
AubriS 0
I wasn't aware that dogs have arms. hmm..
Optimus_Primerib 0
Valuable lesson learned, your dog is not human, its just a dogs nature, if you mess with it while its sleep its going to attack you, I never understood why people try and humanize a dog.
KayShelby 0
u stupid fool