Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
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Top comments
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Now she's definitely not going to eat your meat!
IceyJustin 1
Yeah real smooth.
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Comments (140)
nerdsgetmehot 23
When trying to pick women, it's best to just not say anything about their weight. Try a simple "hi" and a smile next time...
klong91 7
YDI for insinuating she had an eating disorder just because she was eating a salad.
gracie6357 0
This is about the most retarded fml I've seen on here. You're an ass for hitting on a woman like that. Don't assume that just because she is thin she should be eating a hamburger and french fries. Girls have weight problems because of dicks like you. Btw: beauty should not be measured by weight.
Kelita 0
Ur no Casanova urself cause ur rude.
Emerant 0
Actually, 59, fruits taste delicious in salads, especially apples. I suggest waldorf (I think that's how you spell it) salad :). It's to die for!
pandapat89 3
she's just dumb for being a vegetarian.
Kelita 0
don't take the comment to heart lol I was just messin since u kinda blew on me on a diff FML lol
sweetonsno 1
If he had just called her beautiful, she'd be a jerk. However, by assuring her that she didn't need to "eat so scarcely," he was assuming that she was self-conscious about her weight or on a diet. That is not a compliment at all.
summersizzle 0
best to stay away from her if she finds out you beat your meat to her she will call animal cruelty services
FriskyCoconut 0
what does eating have to do with being beautiful? that's the worst pickup line ever. I get you were trying to say she's thin and doesn't need to diet blablabla but really? the way u worded it sounds just stupid.