Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
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Top comments
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Now she's definitely not going to eat your meat!
IceyJustin 1
Yeah real smooth.
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Comments (140)
tucansam555 3
dumbass
lexi365 20
this is something you expect from 'i hope they serve beer in hell.' haha
Jonny26 0
That was not smooth at all either way,I'm guessing ur ugly
Stupidpeopleanno 5
I can picture this in my head... OP: *crip walks up to woman* Hey baby, jus' wanted to tell you... You don't need to eat no salads for me cuz you got that fire! Know what I'm sayin'? You sexy! Woman: *Death Glare* I'm a vegeterian...
sweet_candy_ 17
Someone was having a bad day.
deputy_g 5
he deserved it for assuming she was on a diet :P salads r delicious
sweet_candy_ 17
No he doesn't deserve it. He was trying to be nice.
Alicia24_fml 0
It is kind of a compliment but I can see how she interpreted it. I would probably do the same but I like salad and would probably eat it as an appetizer not the main course :/
MyNameIsEmilee 6
real smooth :)
Stupidpeopleanno 5
I haven't seen a comment from Doortje all day! I miss her motherly intellect and advise!
alexxss_fml 10
WIN!^^
ccangel1001 0
Your real good with the ladys..... :)
ShatteredDreams8 0
You're real good with English.