Transportation: Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll... - FML

By KMilly - United States

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

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Broken heart

Leave us alone

Pavarotti next door

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Knock out

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

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By inder - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

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By Taco Hell - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I got threatened to get dragged out of the window at work because I wouldn't sell someone hot wings. I work at Taco Bell. FML

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By Skittles

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

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By sad - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

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By stalker - United States

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

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By BrokenHangLow - United States - Havelock

Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML

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By greenintheface - United States

Honey…

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

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By iwillcutyou - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Charming

Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

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By notmyrealname123 - Canada - Kitchener

It's alive!

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

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By Mutton - 8/3/2021 17:01

Too passionate for me

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

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By Braelynn

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 11:02

Yeah, just blame me!

Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML

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By RePete

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

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By I'mnotsmarttheothersarestupid - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

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By GeesLouisee

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By lildale92 - 3/6/2021 10:01 - United States - Elmhurst

Misunderstood

Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML

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By theDiva - Malta

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous

He tried.

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

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By Anonymous - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 22:59

Woman DESTROYS her sex life with FACTS and some sort of LOGIC

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2021 18:01

Holy smokes

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

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By pinkjade - Canada

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

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By Jayswizzle - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple their “vibrator will go off when a table is available”. I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

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By andrie09 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

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By "mbrider"

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

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By GDBeast - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

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By healthfoodshmealthfood - United States

Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health-foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML

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By Noname - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

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By -1 Pair of Pants - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

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By goblue - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

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Top comments

By may_cause_fail | 0

#160681 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:49

Lol, I can't believe you couldn't figure that out before taking to the dealership.

By 24788 | 6

#160738 - Saturday 2 May 2009 0:02

lol, some people don't think very well under pressure.

COMMENTS

By depechemode | 0

#160672 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:48

That's really stupid, but it can happen to the best of us!

Edit: Oke, I've removed the first.

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6167677 - Friday 9 January 2015 14:55

More chances it happens to the worst of us though.

Edit: Since we're counting numbers, 100th

By MaddieMonster | 0

#160675 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:48

Ha ha my mom has done that but she figured it out. You however that was a fail.

By fudgerz | 0

#160677 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:49

HaHa! stupid.. jk, something i would do!

By may_cause_fail | 0

#160681 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:49

Lol, I can't believe you couldn't figure that out before taking to the dealership.

By ellebell | 0

#160690 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:51

awww that is both incredibly funny and cute :)

Reply

morgs1 | 0

#1895833 - Monday 27 December 2010 12:11

um why cute?

By rigorouswolf | 0

#160719 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:58

I've done that

By coloradodude12 | 0

#160726 - Friday 1 May 2009 23:59

Owned once again.

By 24788 | 6

#160738 - Saturday 2 May 2009 0:02

lol, some people don't think very well under pressure.

By friedkabob1225 | 0

#160742 - Saturday 2 May 2009 0:02

dont worry theyll all be laid off in a few weeks anyway

By ilaughatfmls | 0

#160746 - Saturday 2 May 2009 0:03

haha.. it happens. but you also can't blame them for laughing..