Miscellaneous: Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows... - FML

By badhairday - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

BO Central

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Gayer men’s team

Go Team!

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

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By seachelle

Today, the guy I've been seeing posted about having relationship problems and arguments with his girl. I've been in the hospital for surgery for the past few days and have been unable to talk to him. Before this, he told me I was the only one. Guess not. FML

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By thisisavirus.exe - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

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By :( - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

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By brittney242 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML

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By Rain

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

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By loueb17 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years. She said no. Why? She's already married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML

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By MakesMeLol - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

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By CWoah - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

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By prostate - United States

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

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By WasteOfOxygen08

Crockery story

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

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By Littlethings1 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

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By Eleanor - United States - North Grafton

Today, my freshman students got in a fist fight over a chair. FML

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

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By Mightytall

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

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By cathater - United States - Eddington

Stupid cat

Today, as I was getting dressed for my big date, my cat pooped on my only shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Professional

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

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By Anonymou$ - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

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By Anonymous - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

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By notarobber - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

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By RecentCollegeGrad

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

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By toothpastecat - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

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By Scooter

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

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By please don't get the succ - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

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By -bird-poop- - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

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By Loser - Canada

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

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Top comments

By zachbredberg | 0

#539884 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

Well, obviously the car liked your hair....

By sharkshaveteeth | 0

#540032 - Saturday 5 September 2009 2:57

That is why I always have hair ties and bobby pins with me. I cannot stand having my hair windblown all over the place!

COMMENTS

By zachbredberg | 0

#539884 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

Well, obviously the car liked your hair....

Reply

Terrimina23 | 0

#539890 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

I did that to one of my friends. I nearly died of laughter.

Reply

someotherbitch | 0

#540037 - Saturday 5 September 2009 3:02

FYL for having a P.O.S. car....

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#540070 - Saturday 5 September 2009 3:30

YDI for being a woman

Reply

HumanTorch007 | 0

#540073 - Saturday 5 September 2009 3:35

#21 fu*k you learn some class

Reply

fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#540127 - Saturday 5 September 2009 3:58

these "my friend(s) thought it would be funny to....." (and then the OP gets hurt) situations are really getting old

Reply

gonzolove | 0

#540134 - Saturday 5 September 2009 4:03

Seeing these types of comments is getting old.

Reply

zachbredberg | 0

#540296 - Saturday 5 September 2009 6:28

Your moms vagina is getting old

Reply

gonzolove | 0

#540397 - Saturday 5 September 2009 8:38

Your face is getting old.

Reply

LewJH | 0

#540791 - Saturday 5 September 2009 13:52

Your impotent penis is getting old.

Reply

TheHeroOfTime | 0

#541058 - Saturday 5 September 2009 16:47

Learn some humour.

Reply

wasted0087 | 0

#971384 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 0:05

NomNomNomNom!

By elliebutton | 0

#539885 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

LOL.

Reply

Stunt_fml | 5

#540360 - Saturday 5 September 2009 7:50

That's what happens when yo buy a foreign car. Buy American, Keep what you put into it.

Reply

gonzolove | 0

#540535 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:32

How do you even know if she had a foreign car? As for American cars, they are all shit except for Buicks.

Reply

ElMundio87 | 0

#540666 - Saturday 5 September 2009 11:08

with the amount of petrol that an american car guzzles on, i wouldn't be surprised if it wanted some hair as a side dish

Reply

jackg198 | 0

#967154 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 4:51

no, there pretty much all shit haha.

By testing_fml | 0

#539886 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

Damn, that sucks.

By wickeddrummajor | 0

#539887 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:48

Ha!

By redbluegreen | 40

#539895 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By fatpeopleluvr | 0

#539904 - Saturday 5 September 2009 1:53

How long is your hair?

By summer66_fml | 0

#539944 - Saturday 5 September 2009 2:10

damn.....how long is your hair??? that sucks tho sorry......well at least you didnt get scalped.....

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#539961 - Saturday 5 September 2009 2:17

This is why I do not like to have the windows down all the way when I drive anywhere with significant speed.

By Intoxicunt | 5

#539964 - Saturday 5 September 2009 2:18

LOL. Yeah, that sounds tragic! I would just shave it off, in that case.

By lulz123 | 0

#539978 - Saturday 5 September 2009 2:27

lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz