Miscellaneous: Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows...

By badhairday - 04/09/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 771

You deserved it 3 395

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Dementia or hate? You decide

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 810

You deserved it 7 956

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 17:01

Today, it's my ninth day off work. I should have been back 4 days ago, but whilst resting a swollen knee at home, I got a hair stuck in my eye so badly that I had to go to A&E at 4 a.m. to get it taken out. Now work won't let me come back until the resulting conjunctivitis clears up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 101

Get your facts straight

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from studying abroad a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 701

You deserved it 2 736

By argh - 03/03/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 395

You deserved it 32 149

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 2 741

By Noname - 16/02/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 464

You deserved it 76 631

By TotallyDeservedIt - 19/05/2016 17:19 - United States - Midlothian

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 12 805

By fuck my goddamn life - 15/02/2014 20:51 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 471

You deserved it 4 819

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 00:55 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 968

You deserved it 4 639

By Jim - 10/03/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 597

You deserved it 9 039

Choking over here

By JD. - 13/04/2021 00:30

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 233

By hihaay - 30/09/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 2 947

By poorgary - 18/12/2008 11:46 - France

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 743

You deserved it 2 705

The World won't Listen

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 77

By SadFoxLady - 10/06/2013 18:01 - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 751

You deserved it 55 546

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 771

You deserved it 5 925

By fatteningmeup - 26/05/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 335

You deserved it 3 781

Creepy

By Dummy - 10/11/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 574

You deserved it 16 006

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 5 025

Compliments are tricky

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 08:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he's handsome, which I do often. Not everyday, but maybe once or twice a week. He got upset at me. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. We've been together for 3 years and I still think he's the most handsome man I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 136

By S to the HIT - 08/04/2015 16:08 - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 831

You deserved it 35 654

Somebody's watching me

By ugh - 08/06/2012 04:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 9 175

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 746

You deserved it 626

Blood is thicker…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 13:57

Today, it's been a dozen years since I had sex, as my husband is mentally dealing with molestation as a kid by his uncle. Meanwhile, his mother is on vacation with the molester. Yes, she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 79

By ummWhat? - 23/12/2018 02:00

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 818

You deserved it 1 792

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 718

You deserved it 2 698

By jb100 - 24/07/2015 20:08 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 106

You deserved it 2 181

By Judiee - 28/02/2009 10:52 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 571

You deserved it 5 736

By walker - 06/07/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 581

You deserved it 4 888

By AnonCat - 21/01/2013 01:47 - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 3 650

By Courtney - 04/02/2012 20:22 - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 434

You deserved it 34 593

By Anonymous - 21/06/2016 01:59 - United States - Fulton

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know who's she's saying during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 1 076

Technologically Challenged

By paper towel virgin - 24/05/2013 00:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 310

You deserved it 40 195

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 01:02 - Australia

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 5 455

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 12:12 - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 2 115

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 495

By Eodowoiono - 06/08/2013 16:20 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 237

You deserved it 4 584

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 385

By Goody2shoes - 21/07/2010 16:08 - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 757

You deserved it 47 056

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