Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML
Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML
Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML
Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
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Top comments
laideehawk 6
Next time you go down on him, tell him you hope you're doing it right as the guy in the video had a much larger penis.
ciarafox9 9
How subtle.. :D
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Comments (170)
MrLookAtThere 10
Apparently, you suck at giving head.
perdix 31
So, you suck at sucking. That's so meta! You gotta give the guy some credit for giving you a chance to improve your apparently horrible oral skills. A lot of guys would just dump you rather than scrape their dicks over a cheese grater anymore. I'm sure that "Have a nice day" was for him. When you give good head, his day will be nice, yours will be spent trying to get dried cum out of your hair and that taste out of your mouth.
monagro 22
Girls hardly ever realize, but giving a good ******* is hard. Therefore your bf thinks you could give a better ******* if you'd do what it says. If you feel humiliated/etc, just send something similar to him about him giving you head.
Calyx_fml 22
I sent that same link to my wife after she asked me how to do it. I don't know. I've never given one. The next week she was deep throating me like a **** star.
HomeAl0ne 20
I find that hard to swallow.
COCKYmanUSC 3
Pun intended?
COCKYmanUSC 3
Pun intended?
stewy78 2
Glad I could help. Can you have her send my shorts back.
COCKYmanUSC 3
Haaaha
COCKYmanUSC 3
Haaaha
SolemnlyLove 7
lmao if girls put up with this shit, i might as well be an asshole and get laid
minder97 10
Haha that sucks. Was the video insightful or helpful at all?
AmethystRain 20
I don't think there's a single girl out there who was an instant "pro" the first time she gave a bj. Practice makes perfect. Try some new things out and don't get discouraged. Part of being in a mature relationship is having the ability to be honest about what pleases you sexually.
rasta_pasta 4
Thank you, finally someone says something that isn't batshit crazy.
birdfreak 24
Actually it would be night.... ;)
DJR_fml 2
So what you're saying is ******** can only be given at night... Uhh, no.
smexehXredhead0 0
Shit, that sucks...
stewy78 2
Not very well though
leadman1989 16
And then he should cut off her clit... wait