Love: Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from...

By kevdev - 09/09/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 701

You deserved it 9 319

Love

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

Power tripping

Roommates from hell

By milkndstufff - 07/03/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 289

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 18:23 - France

Today, I crashed my car racing backwards and told my parents I was rear ended. They made me call the police and file a report. I hope there were no cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 096

You deserved it 48 000

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/08/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 096

You deserved it 81 940

By LoveDrug - 17/02/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 2 831

By mer - 08/02/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 866

You deserved it 4 141

By oktober2nd - 13/10/2018 06:30 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 232

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 23/02/2015 07:45 - United States - Hatfield

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 369

You deserved it 3 340

By Anon - 12/01/2012 13:34 - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after 2 days of not showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 258

You deserved it 41 634

By _Emilyy - 12/07/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 446

You deserved it 10 488

By SharkWeek - 27/10/2013 15:26 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 605

You deserved it 5 766

We feel for you, bruh

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 632

You deserved it 6 178

Asshats everywhere

By Anonymous - 08/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 263

You deserved it 235

By yourekillingme - 19/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 836

You deserved it 1 460

By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 3 163

By janie - 30/01/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 567

You deserved it 2 392

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 553

You deserved it 2 676

By Filingfordivorce - 18/05/2017 16:00

Today, it seems my husband didn't realize that "Office Space" is just a movie and began to act like the characters in a pathetic attempt to, "stand up to the establishment!" Perhaps he also didn't realize that attempted arson is considered a federal crime. The bail is $20,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 207

You deserved it 408

By Jekyll - 06/08/2019 08:00 - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 1 217

By WellThen - 15/12/2018 06:30 - United States

Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 303

You deserved it 471

By QWERTY - 03/04/2011 23:20

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 18 185

Hello?

By blahhlovely_30 - 09/03/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my cat. It's deaf, so no matter what I do it can't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 539

You deserved it 4 929

What a cult

By not the same thing! - 12/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my husband. I’m a stay at home with a 6, 3 and one year-old. He insisted that we homeschool, so I literally never get a break. When I told him I need people to talk to, he replied, "Why? You talk to the kids all day!” God forbid I should interact with other adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 144

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 5 979

By Fat Bastard - 20/05/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 282

Family

By megamonster99 - 07/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 230

You deserved it 989

By Where is the faith in Humanity - 07/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 9 009

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 3 227

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 948

You deserved it 6 516

By EveOnRoad - 05/05/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 229

By Rollymouth - 02/09/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 784

You deserved it 8 404

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 101

You deserved it 6 580

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 2 936

RIP

By widow - 19/10/2010 22:58 - United States

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 344

You deserved it 3 773

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 02:56 - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 576

You deserved it 2 628

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 749

You deserved it 6 025

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 115

You deserved it 8 962

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - 27/04/2011 13:35 - United States

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 852

You deserved it 43 733

By Ozzie - 29/09/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my 81-year-old mother threw out the packaging for a 3-day-old $1,700 monitor I was going to return due to a defect. I live in my own home, but she randomly visits to "clean up" without asking me. Now I'm stuck with an expensive, defective monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 264

You deserved it 610

By her0x3her0ine617 - 09/12/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 206

You deserved it 46 768

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Top comments

_Damien_ 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:09

She gave you cyber herpes >.< that bitch!!

perdix 29

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:16

After two years of shoring around after she left you, you should be glad she didn't want to meet you. She could have given you a much worse virus then.

Matias_Says_FML 4

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:06

Owned.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:20

Your ex has a virus? Ohhh Mann.. You win.

FYL4BEINGHERE 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:21

hahahagahhajajajja owned

ChubbyCake 5

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:25

Damn thats the second virus you get from her.

mattman1994 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:29

Daaaang OP You got OWNED Just like #22's boobs

FunnyWeasel 7

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:31

you got a computer virus? dude that sucks...

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:37

17, you fail because: 1. There wasn't any mention of cheating. 2. The OP's ex is a girl..

iKaite 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:42

Rofl.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:47

31, you fail because he was talking about his ex. :)

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:52

37, IDK what FML you are reading, but there is no mention of cheating in the one above us. Also, the OP's ex is a GIRL, when 17 said "Lol, that's what you get for cheating on 'HIM.'" edit: wow, u edited ur comment

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:55

^damnit, fml switched around the comments again. Sorry, this isn't meant for you, hockey.

Krajjan 9

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:47

This is what you get for believing in forgiveness over vengeance. A small-scale example of humanity. Sucks there's a need for cynicism.

noobgang7 5

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Friday 10 September 2010 1:38

To bad emails don't give viruses that easy, usually just the links/files in them.

2kool4skoolyo 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:05

hmm virus email that's why you have antivirus op

katplayer 4

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:12

Damn... good idea. brb, compiling virus websites to send to a jerk I know.

KingDingALing 9

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:57

That's total ultimate super duper to the max pwnage XP

imaginaryvoice 18

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:58

Lol I'm reading this FML. The cheating was a joke. He was talking about the ex (a girl) cheating on OP and getting a "virus."

ugwmii 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 5:15

 don't sweat it bro we all get viruses

Danielt104 6

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Friday 10 September 2010 6:08

What a bitch! find out where she lives and get her back..or just give her a virus :)

panchod1234 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 6:23

moo Ima cat

cooluc 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 6:47

76, please google 'drive by email' Be informed before you post.

robyst 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 15:48

it was must have been the " here you have " virus that hit the world yesterday.

Ardi_fml 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 17:24

dude he said "her" witch it means it's a girl..kids this days

lovesteph3523 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:06

wow. I hate virus's so much.

lovesteph3523 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:27

*virus'

zenti 2

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:42

*viruses

MmissyT 8

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:53

noohh itts virus' i learnd tht in skool!!

MarkeiMark 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:56

then school taught you wrong. it's viruses. even anti-virus software shows that.

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:57

40, you are wrong. Please go back to school.

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:59

#40, your school probably taught you your grammar is correct, too.

raffucka 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:37

#40 may be joking but it's kinda hard to tell...... no wait she's joking. you guys fail

Schizomaniac 24

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:40

56, actually, you fail. Look at her profile. She ACTUALLY types that way.

raffucka 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:42

u fail 4 do be ar gramerr nazi

lovesteph3523 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:43

oops.. i admit it, i'm a bad speller

homicidaltendenc_fml 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 1:06

We forgive your incorrect spelling number 2, you're too cute to get mad at :P

lovesteph3523 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 1:23

haha thanks:)

raffucka 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:35

yeah it's virusi anyway lol

FFML_314 11

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Friday 10 September 2010 6:42

You are all so wrong! Now u all look stupid! Its 'virus'es' GOD MY SKOOL TAUGHT ME THAT!

Schizomaniac 24

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Friday 10 September 2010 7:40

How could we have been so stupid?! D:

FFML_314 11

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Friday 10 September 2010 7:47

i dunno butt its a real good thing im hear to help arnt it?

MmissyT 8

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Friday 10 September 2010 10:45

idkk how u guyys whud spell it wher u pplz live or whtevrr but i was taught tht if a word ends with an 's' (4 example Nicholas) n u need 2 make it plural or show possestion thn u put one of those half quotation mark thinggyys... (2 make it Nicholas') soo yeaa i wasntt jokinn...

loludeserveit 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 11:12

half quotation mark things... jesus christ... a word ending in s, like bus, requires an added "es" to make it plural, dumbfuck (e.g. buses) to show possession, you add an apostrophe, or "one of those half-quotation mark things", to the end of the word ending in s (e.g. bus')

Anaxes 5

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Saturday 11 September 2010 14:16

#134, please, don't mutilate the English language any further. Especially when the mutilation is on a statement about the English language. That's just low.

MmissyT 8

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Sunday 10 October 2010 8:59

whtevr

olive47_fml 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:36

FACEPALM

Skylyric52 11

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Monday 2 May 2016 2:46

Who's we?

xeno526 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:07

lol

B4SK3TB4IL 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:13

damn that bitch ganked u

a_peyton 3

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:07

hahaha that sucks

cinnomonroll 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:07

sorry

banananut 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:08

get over it.

_Damien_ 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:09

She gave you cyber herpes >.< that bitch!!

Shonkonfi 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:13

hahahahahaha yeah

MissCookiiie93 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 13:56

LOoooL !!

FMyLifeCereal 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 18:10

Art imitates life in this case.

plehning77 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 8:55

omg yaaaa. lol that's hilarious but true.

SupaSteveXpz 0

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Thursday 23 September 2010 11:52

haha cyber herpes

shyam513 13

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:09

send her one back that jacks her credit card details, and use that to pay to get the antivirus to get rid of it!

Anaxes 5

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Thursday 9 September 2010 23:20

Only idiots try to buy an antivirus to treat an already infected computer. It doesn't work. Firstly, most of them are free. Secondly, any virus that isn't a piece of shit will prevent the installation of antivirus software.