By openended - 21/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 462
You deserved it 19 397

Same thing different taste

Top comments

A relationship is like a circle. When a circle is open, it's not a circle anymore.

Open relationships are like getting drunk on a Tuesday - it may seems like a strange idea at first, but then it starts to seem like a great idea, then it gets better and better and better until at the end it ******* sucks and you're left drooling and crying on the toilet.


bluestrawberry17 17

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joeyl2008 29

There isn't enough information to determine if the guy is a douchebag

I'm with #8. They've stated that they have an 'open relationship', surely this means OP was messing around too? I can't see how someone could be happy in an open relationship and maybe OP's partner had happiness with his ex! Need to look at the whole story to determine if anyone is really a douche bag in this scenario. Bad luck though OP, still not a nice thing to happen! Maybe next time, a closed relationship might be a better idea?

@17 - Open relationships are for people who are fearful of losing their significant other. They try to give them what they want, desperately clinging to a relationship that they're scared won't work anyway because they may not be able to provide them with something other people can. In short, I imagine OP made losing her boyfriend a self-fulfilling prophecy.

an open relationship is not bad. based on the right principles and everybody involved is aware and okay with it, it can work out. I've heard many stories of open relationship partners and how happy they are. open your mind a little, you'll be surprised what can happen.

The closed-mindedness in these comments is appalling. If an open relationship works for someone, who the hell are any of you to judge it so harshly? I believe people can do damn near whatever they want as long as it isn't perpetuating hate and intolerance within loose confines of the law and ethics. (I'm not opposed to smoking pot, which is still illegal in most places, but things like ********** and pedophilia are reprehensible.) If there was a relationship between a male and female where one or the other was bisexual, and they cheated with someone of the same gender, would you all laugh and blame the cheated for dating someone who's bi? It's not exactly the same, but fairly parallel. OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. If you only agreed for this relationship to be open to satiate your now ex, maybe you deserve it a little. If you entered this open relationship because it was something that YOU were 100% okay with, this is an absolute FYL and **** anyone who says otherwise. We should spend less time judging people for their personal love and sexual choices and spend more time broadening our horizons and learning and understanding life choices that are different from our own. Sorry for my long-windedness, I return to my quiet space behind the scenes.

I mean that is the risk of open relationships to be honest... Most of us are better off with closed ones

Queen_of_Night 20

51- Look who's judging now? Even if OP just did this to make her boyfriend happy it doesn't mean she deserved it. She made a conscious decision to have an open relationship. It doesn't matter her reasons behind it.

Wow, that really blows. Sorry to hear that, if he ever wants to take you back, best say no to that one... Hugs!

A relationship is like a circle. When a circle is open, it's not a circle anymore.

Well said friend! Open Relationship is basically a nicer way of saying F**k buddies... :/ It's very doubtful that it will end well. Hope you find someone worthy of you OP.

Or any geometric shape for that matter.

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@69 - I think you're confusing a cute little analogy with my actual opinions on the subject. I myself am in an open relationship. My SO wants to travel before she settles down, so we don't see each other much. We both have the freedom to do whatever we want as long as we don't tell the other about it. I'm aware of the risks and have confidence in our bond. Personally, I couldn't give a **** what other people do. That's their business. However, more often than not, there's no legitimate reason to be in an open relationship. It's a tool for the manipulative to sleep with somebody they have an emotional attachment to or crush on without being called a scumbag as well as a last ditch effort for desperate people to salvage a broken relationship. PS. The condescending attitude put a nice personal touch on your comment, brought up the "bitch score" a ton.

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@74 - Just because I'm in an open relationship doesn't mean it's ideal. It's making the best of a bad situation. Do you think I want to spend my time hooking up with other people? No, but I have needs that my partner can't fulfill while she's out and about exploring the world. I have a negative view of open relationships because the problems surrounding it are greater than the potential sexual fulfillment. Yes, there's a time and a place for them. Many couples are separated for extended periods of time and need these agreements just to get by. No, I don't feel the appeal of a hook up alone is great enough to justify having an open relationship. As I said, people can do what they want, but there are definitely potential repercussions and I can't say that I feel it's worthwhile to have one. At best, I see it as a bandage, although I know other people feel differently. If you value sexual freedom, good on you. I value partnership, and I'd rather spend time sitting around watching television with my loved one than flirting with and ******* strangers. I think you take your stability for granted. Appreciate the knowledge that your boyfriend/husband will be there when you get home, because not everybody can have that. I'm envious and do not represent the "freedom of experimentation" faction of open relationships that you do.

graphicstyle7 17

Your analogy is based upon the premise that you have created being correct i.e. that a relationship is like a circle. So it's a completely pointless statement. Ironically, the reason it doesn't work is because it's based upon a circular reference...

Well at least now you know he isnt the one for you :) You can start fresh and find someone better than him

Yeah open relationships are never a good idea :( hope you find someone that will truly make you happy and only focus on you :D

I wouldn't say never. I think the possibility for them to work is there. However it's probably rather rare and really requires the right people for it to work.

You totally deserve it. Find a man that will want you and only you!

jimmer23 21

Yeah, that's on you. It's an open relationship, when has that ever worked?

I'd agree that it's not for most people but for some it works. I've actually spoken with people that believed it made their relationship better. Personally, I couldn't do it but to each their own.

NiceGuysDoWin 21

It works great for us. I've been in an open marriage for 9 years. We have a 2 year old son, and are very happy together. I have a girlfriend that I see a few times per week. We've been together for nearly 3 years, and are also very much in love. She and my wife are friends. Everything is in the open. It is definitely more complicated than a traditional monogamous relationship, and takes a lot of trust, communication, and compromising to make it work, but it does work for us.

jimmer23 21

Well then I stand corrected. Personally, I couldn't do it, but that's me. If it works for you, have fun and wear a condom.

I_eat_hearts17 9

I hope you at least hide that from your child.

peithecelt 28

we do not have an open relationship, but my husband and I have been polyamorous for as long as we've been married.. 18 years this summer. we're still very much in love, and have a healthy and awesome 13 year old who has 4 adults (Her Dad and I, my boyfriend of 3 years and her Dad's girlfriend (who is a new girlfriend, but has been a friend for years)) can trust for advice. it's not EASY by any means, but it can absolutely work if you are willing to do the work.

Why would one think that is a good idea? Only two things could really come from this; jealousy or someone will find someone else they like better

open relationships are tricky! its the risk you take that theyll meet someone else!!

Open relationships are like getting drunk on a Tuesday - it may seems like a strange idea at first, but then it starts to seem like a great idea, then it gets better and better and better until at the end it ******* sucks and you're left drooling and crying on the toilet.

This is hands down the best analogy I've ever heard.

And the same goes for you, doc. How funny your analogy might seem, it's so disrespectful/stigmatising towards everybody that's in an happy open relationship.

Right DjeePee, someone has an opinion that differs from yours, so you immediately jump on the offensive and cry disrespect. Get over it - not everyone agrees with you, and not everyone agrees with me. But just because my opinion isn't the same as yours, doesn't mean it's disrespectful. For ****'s sake, if I got all bent out of shape every time someone disagreed with me, I'd need a full-time therapist on standby. And as usual, you're take me too seriously. You've been here long to know better.