Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found...

By fml333 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Bad guy (duh)

People are strange

By shite - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Cumberland

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

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By Danielle - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

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By roidrager - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

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By Shadyblood - Puerto Rico

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

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By GothicbunnyxC - Canada

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicopee

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

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By what the fuck?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

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By Katie - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

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By failure - Australia - Sydney

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

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By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

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By bubblezzz123 - United States

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

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By whorecrux - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

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By Creeped Out

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

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By Say Cheese - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

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By lopsided - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

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By C BOMB - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

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By clop clop clopping all the way - United States

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

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By congrats grad - United States - Panorama City

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Waterville

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

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By liishax3 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

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By ohmygod - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

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By NatchezParadox

Tinder surprised

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 20:08

Alexa, play "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart

Today, my man believes he could never be the cause of a breakup. His strategy for eternal love? Try not to feel anything, and if you do, do NOT show it or talk about it. Just completely refuse to engage with your partner in any meaningful way. No fighting equals happiness. Right. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By littlebigbrother - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

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By faza4327 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sherwood

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

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By youcould'vejusttoldme - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

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By Butch - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

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Top comments

By startafire | 0

#730747 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:00

YDI. Why the hell would you hang out with your ex's girlfriend? You'll only hear things you don't want to know.

By TheDrageisha | 0

#730696 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:30

stop hanging out with your ex'es girl, unless your biding your time to poke holes in all their condoms as a final "gottcha bitch", pretend they died.

COMMENTS

By nam3 | 0

#730665 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:11

first

MacOSXpert | 7

#730671 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:14

OP, that sucks, And "First" commenter, GTFO of this awesome website!

afrikaaner | 0

#731174 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 7:49

lol

alr158 | 18

#5958574 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 12:19

Just remember - the problem with dating somebody that cheated, is that the "winner" is dating a cheater. So back off and let them both get what they deserve. Just sit back & watch it unravel.

By TheDrageisha | 0

#730696 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:30

stop hanging out with your ex'es girl, unless your biding your time to poke holes in all their condoms as a final "gottcha bitch", pretend they died.

By melissa_10 | 7

#730712 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:39

and why were u hainging out with her??

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5024449 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 1:50

Maybe she was nice?

By startafire | 0

#730747 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:00

YDI. Why the hell would you hang out with your ex's girlfriend? You'll only hear things you don't want to know.

By Keeper88 | 0

#730757 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:04

seeing as ur from saudi arabia, this is very lulz worthy

22jrdn55 | 15

#731509 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 16:22

thats the dumbest thing ive ever heard! why are such a racist b****?

By docinthemaking | 0

#730767 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:09

Yeah why are you hanging with your ex's girlfriend, nothing good can come from that.

masanya | 0

#730836 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:44

At least you're not with the cheater anymore.

By FerrariCake | 2

#730833 - Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:44

That's a truly fascinating story OP. Two years ago some guy broke up with you and he was dating another chick at that time. Fascinating. I hope there'll be a sequel.