Good boy, best boy - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 23

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 133

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 381

Batman

Broken heart

Communication Breakdown

12/06/2011 00:54

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 087

You deserved it 4 027

18/07/2009 21:35

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 893

You deserved it 8 423

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 04:00

Today, while working a night shift completely alone at a truck stop, a trucker asked me to get in the shower with him for a "funner night shift", and threw his towels and clothes at me when I told him no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 45

Smells like Toddler Spirit

By anon - 06/03/2017 00:00

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 542

You deserved it 364

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 06:06

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 664

You deserved it 177

04/05/2016 14:15

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 664

You deserved it 2 831

30/05/2015 20:05

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 4 470

11/06/2012 11:18

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 3 214

25/09/2013 23:22

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 469

You deserved it 3 506

02/07/2019 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 431

24/05/2012 19:23

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 4 721

11/01/2010 13:25

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 5 724

27/12/2016 07:32

Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 877

You deserved it 930

05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 132

28/02/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 249

23/02/2017 08:00

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 275

You deserved it 534

23/05/2009 14:03

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 881

You deserved it 6 621

03/09/2014 23:35

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 521

You deserved it 4 213

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 350

It's not working

By naas1201 - 10/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 251

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 11:01

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 2 095

Respect Independence Day!

By unpatriotic - 04/07/2021 12:06

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 931

You deserved it 8 117

12/06/2011 19:21

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 578

You deserved it 10 723

03/01/2016 14:01

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 1 918

08/07/2015 15:16

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 989

You deserved it 17 978

Bottom of the list

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 07:59

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 210

29/05/2015 10:58

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 357

You deserved it 6 225

10/03/2009 01:03

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 115

You deserved it 3 288

15/09/2015 21:48

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 602

You deserved it 2 623

29/06/2009 07:29

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 040

You deserved it 3 384

09/02/2010 18:52

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 38 351

21/08/2009 23:51

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 9 440

03/06/2011 18:32

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 712

You deserved it 48 279

08/10/2009 00:38

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 3 829

19/08/2010 00:53

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 147

You deserved it 31 457

14/02/2017 04:53

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 077

You deserved it 626

02/11/2009 03:44

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 781

You deserved it 29 274

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 339

You deserved it 1 419

02/01/2010 04:46

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 982

You deserved it 60 519

10/02/2010 17:34

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 621

You deserved it 4 839

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 20 July 2020 15:38

Maybe it's because you're really into pussy?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 20 July 2020 15:35

What's the problem? Cats are better than people. Ditch your boyfriend, and buy another cat.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Monday 20 July 2020 15:35

What's the problem? Cats are better than people. Ditch your boyfriend, and buy another cat.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 20 July 2020 15:38

Maybe it's because you're really into pussy?

Send a private message

Monday 20 July 2020 17:11

Your boyfriend also has a better relationship with your pussy than with you.

Brightside86 28

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Monday 20 July 2020 21:54

That sounds about right, relationships are hard work.

core01 30

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Tuesday 21 July 2020 4:31

Don't we all.

Brittani Luce 4

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Tuesday 21 July 2020 19:55

Well, cats are pretty awesome...

Davey Crocker 6

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Tuesday 21 July 2020 21:23

You have to ask yourself, with whom do you play with more, the cat or the boyfriend? It sounds like it's time to trade up on the boyfriend.

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Thursday 23 July 2020 1:49

I’m with you there....even though my cat just today decided to attack me for the first time in her life (damn next doors cat that got her in the angry state to begin with) I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my gf...sad lives we live eh?