Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML
Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye makeup remover with toner. My eye still burns. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
The burning pain distracted you from biting your nails, so mission accomplished!
Sinkhole 26
You should use garlic instead, and next time, put it only on your nails!
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Comments (70)
smokindagoo 0
you dont even need to put anything on your fingers just think of all the times everyday you itch your but and pick your nose . that might make you think twice
NextBigThing5044 0
You made my night LOL.
nixom1334 6
WELL, are you still bitting your nails?
bsgirls 0
smooth ace
bsgirls 0
are u a brit?
Vienna 0
you could always try arsenic. DISCLAIMER don't really do that
DocBastard 40
When you put a disclaimer at the end of a joke, it kills the joke. Batteries not included, some restrictions may apply, operators are standing by.
uncbballwins 0
Maybe you could try putting it all on one comment there, champ.
missababgaga 19
Oh dear! :(
Mosswine 2
Your life is obviously ****** because you stung you eye.
chippa 24
You must be new.
jneverearley 0
Thanks for helping that guy out. Haha.
sephoraprincess 7
if you are a girl, even though op isn't, just wear a nail polish that you like. it tastes bad and no one wants to bite their freshly painted fingernails. or you could just get French tips. :)