Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML
Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye makeup remover with toner. My eye still burns. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
The burning pain distracted you from biting your nails, so mission accomplished!
Sinkhole 26
You should use garlic instead, and next time, put it only on your nails!
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Comments (70)
lil_lala209 5
you are so stupid... YDI
mogli813 0
Not the brightest but hey if it works for you whatever.
ColdGold 6
Don't stick stuff in your eyes.
5t3ff1k4h 47
60 - It pretty well is Americanized. I see nothing screaming "HELLO I'M A BRIT" in your post. No odd spellings, no weird language... *shrug* I think this dude's on crack.
lilvampire18 5
fail! haha! sounds like something I would do if I was a guy who used after shave.
kcnutt10 1
Clearly.....
Dragonmouth 4
Well, at least you're not biting your nails anymore.
5t3ff1k4h 47
You don't know that.
Haloman45 0
I doth think it's possible to stop I've almost ate mine away I've tried everything
Macka007 2
Use hypnosis to stop nail biting. I bought an MP3 (~$12.95), listened to it 3 times and haven't bitten my nails since. I bought and first listened to it on the evening of 29/8/2010, last time I bit them was on the 31/8/2010. I chewed a few times on the 30th, listened that night, chewed once on the 31st, listened that night and that was it.
TKrisha_fml 5
YDI. Is your memory that bad?
edward123456789 0
Yeah I'm shur you have downs