Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

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Love

Horsing around

Drained

Social media was a mistake

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 11:05 - Australia

Unforgettable

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

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1108

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By MJB

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

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66696

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By belieber101 - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

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By traumatized - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

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By Scarlet

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

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By loserwithlice - United States

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

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By mala_19 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

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3048

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By animal lover...

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

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47778

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By Hardsleeper - United States

Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

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By Kyle - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

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By GracieGirl

When feral kids attack

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

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1524

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

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By notpreggo

Today, I was taking my 3-month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon". I've never had a baby. FML

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4896

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

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45949

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By torkx3 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

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19714

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By ZAS - Canada - Toronto

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

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27173

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

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By LittleMissRejected

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

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By single - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

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By dfkjhregoiuberiug - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

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By shotdown - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

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22478

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

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By Anonymous

Mess incoming

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

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By sarah6786 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

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By localbarista - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

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By tony - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

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By picasso - United States

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

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By OhCanada

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

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31953

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By raiden

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

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3790

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

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By Parenting... - United States - Arlington

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

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By Third trimester - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

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Top comments

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

COMMENTS

By Kirashai | 9

#2906307 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:07

Ouch... but congratulations!!

OWNZ | 0

#2906384 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

Sounds like a real keeper! Now LET THE BLONDE JOKES BEGIN!!!

Zya_fml | 8

#2906423 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She just couldn't take it. They were tears of joy and pain combined.

Valentina_Baby | 7

#2906426 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She sounds like she's 12 lol

BaconDave | 12

#2906535 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:30

I don't see any blonde jokes

ObeseKitten | 0

#2906674 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:46

In this case it should be; Congraturations.

JipvS | 15

#2906847 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:09

That is so funny I can't imagine it didn't really happen. x)

Aim4thebullseye | 4

#2906954 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:27

she's a keeper

OWNZ | 0

#2907083 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:51

27- i know! Im dissapointed in you people! I figured it would be a perfect set up for some awesome blond jokes...

nicobington | 1

#2907183 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:03

number 12 i see what you did there

kyarush | 10

#2907549 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:56

lol that's also cute... sooo atleast she didn't say no

futtbuck101 | 1

#2907645 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:15

Is she related to Forrest Gump?

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2907655 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:18

girlfriend: OMG OMG OMG *smack* ow ! *cries* this is a sign from god!
boyfriend: What!?
girlfriend: I'm sorry Jimmy
boyfriend : Damn you God!

Malkria | 1

#2907662 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:23

hahahaha nice one 131 that's funny! XD

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#2908136 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:13

congrats for being the first person to be engaged to a headless chicken. but seriously, congrats.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:25

-148 Only in Canada!

YourEvilHero | 12

#2908508 - Saturday 16 July 2011 22:17

15 looks like boxxy

2ndSucks | 15

#2908846 - Saturday 16 July 2011 23:27

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I got so excited I began flapping my hands like an airhead blonde and proceeded to slap myself in the face. FML

StopDropNRoll | 11

#2910753 - Sunday 17 July 2011 4:29

You forgot the part where you started crying!

2ndSucks | 15

#2911086 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:33

I left it out cause I was embarrassed. :(

fmlwmty | 0

#2911551 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:09

& ur marrying her?

EvilPotato | 14

#2919108 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:43

owned, did she say yes?

By canuckian028 | 0

#2906317 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

How is that an FML?

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2906522 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:27

you made her so happy she had to smack herself back to reality, explaining the tears of joy not pain....

By lilxsexii | 4

#2906319 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

Wouldnt that be F her life?

shovels | 0

#2906368 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:11

No, he has to marry her

applesuckers | 0

#2907124 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:55

He doesn't have to, he chose to.

changetheworld | 0

#2907206 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:07

Um, boobs.? O.o

SneakherHead | 5

#2907208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

Boobs :D ^ . ^

sourgirl101 | 28

#2907249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:12

Look down 95's shirt and slowly spell

A T T I C

mynameis1339 | 0

#2907399 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:36

Dam 95 great rack.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:36

To 95, everytime you comment I will imagine titty fucking you. That is all have a nice day.

SneakherHead | 5

#2910423 - Sunday 17 July 2011 3:25

B00BS :O ^ . ^

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2911053 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:23

95- kinky pic and name ^_^

Angeon | 5

#3694984 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:19

Cute as hell

bluevayero | 42

#5261203 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:06

no cause he just found out whats going to happen to him

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

AppleCoFreak | 0

#2906973 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:30

Now that was a good one

efieldd4 | 0

#2911191 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:58

ohhh, clever!

emodude44 | 0

#2912824 - Sunday 17 July 2011 9:13

Take these sunglasses and make me proud.

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#4636737 - Sunday 1 July 2012 3:47

I applaud you sir :) great comment!

By sieera00 | 8

#2906332 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

that sucks for her but congrats!! :)

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

BlackOpsPWNR | 0

#2912278 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:41

your thins ups(143 right now) say iloveyou

evilamoebaattack | 20

#5999484 - Sunday 6 July 2014 7:26

a slappy bird, apparently xD

By FacePalm69 | 0

#2906346 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

Imaging this made me laugh.Hehehe

edogy | 0

#2906586 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:37

ditto

Sarajean32 | 5

#2908316 - Saturday 16 July 2011 21:02

HAH! Right?!

By Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2906353 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:10

LOL. btw Congrats (:

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2906382 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

At least she's happy. It could've been worse by her saying no.

MrSassypants | 32

#2906904 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:19

What if she was flapping her hands around being so happy that she could finally say no and lead to a break-up because she doesn't want to be with OP anymore? What if she was trying to fly away? Meh.

By Bluesheep_fml | 4

#2906394 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:13

Haha, awesome :p
Congrats btw : D