Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she...

By Anonymous - 16/7/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

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Love

Sewer monster

Mind your own beeswax

Extreme late fees

By Dani - 28/11/2011 12:34 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

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By soprahb - 19/10/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

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By ThankYou! - 22/12/2015 05:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

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By Salliemae - 11/8/2018 07:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

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By Fuckedupmom - 23/8/2018 13:00

Ghost Shoes

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

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By jo1429 - 31/10/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2010 14:03 - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

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By lucy_g - 2/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

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By that1summergirl - 19/9/2019 12:00 - Canada

Riverdale is a lie

Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML

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By reptar2009 - 2/12/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

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By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML.

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

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By "breemonster" - 20/12/2018 16:00

Today, I got an email notification. I opened up my email, and found m4m craigslist add responses. My boyfriend used my phone to login to his email yesterday. FML

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By frustrated - 3/9/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2018 06:00

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel anything when I'm cumming. FML

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By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

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By overflowing - 16/4/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

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By eewww - 6/5/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2016 06:20 - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

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By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

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By silly_billy - 11/6/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

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By Flipside - 2/5/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

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By wtf_fml_0609 - 1/11/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

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By sickly - 20/1/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

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By Ms Yeins - 26/4/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

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By mlowy - 9/5/2014 05:35 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

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By Dopeboyfresh71 - 19/12/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

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By Jacquelinez - 20/5/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

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By vegas-81 - 10/2/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

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By kb10 - 14/3/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

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By JadeC - 1/12/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

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By ohmylordy - 29/10/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

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Top comments

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

COMMENTS

By Kirashai | 9

#2906307 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:07

Ouch... but congratulations!!

OWNZ | 0

#2906384 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

Sounds like a real keeper! Now LET THE BLONDE JOKES BEGIN!!!

Zya_fml | 8

#2906423 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She just couldn't take it. They were tears of joy and pain combined.

Valentina_Baby | 7

#2906426 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She sounds like she's 12 lol

BaconDave | 12

#2906535 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:30

I don't see any blonde jokes

ObeseKitten | 0

#2906674 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:46

In this case it should be; Congraturations.

JipvS | 15

#2906847 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:09

That is so funny I can't imagine it didn't really happen. x)

Aim4thebullseye | 4

#2906954 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:27

she's a keeper

OWNZ | 0

#2907083 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:51

27- i know! Im dissapointed in you people! I figured it would be a perfect set up for some awesome blond jokes...

nicobington | 1

#2907183 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:03

number 12 i see what you did there

kyarush | 10

#2907549 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:56

lol that's also cute... sooo atleast she didn't say no

futtbuck101 | 1

#2907645 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:15

Is she related to Forrest Gump?

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2907655 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:18

girlfriend: OMG OMG OMG *smack* ow ! *cries* this is a sign from god!
boyfriend: What!?
girlfriend: I'm sorry Jimmy
boyfriend : Damn you God!

Malkria | 1

#2907662 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:23

hahahaha nice one 131 that's funny! XD

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#2908136 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:13

congrats for being the first person to be engaged to a headless chicken. but seriously, congrats.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:25

-148 Only in Canada!

YourEvilHero | 12

#2908508 - Saturday 16 July 2011 22:17

15 looks like boxxy

2ndSucks | 15

#2908846 - Saturday 16 July 2011 23:27

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I got so excited I began flapping my hands like an airhead blonde and proceeded to slap myself in the face. FML

StopDropNRoll | 11

#2910753 - Sunday 17 July 2011 4:29

You forgot the part where you started crying!

2ndSucks | 15

#2911086 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:33

I left it out cause I was embarrassed. :(

fmlwmty | 0

#2911551 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:09

& ur marrying her?

EvilPotato | 14

#2919108 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:43

owned, did she say yes?

By canuckian028 | 0

#2906317 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

How is that an FML?

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2906522 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:27

you made her so happy she had to smack herself back to reality, explaining the tears of joy not pain....

By lilxsexii | 4

#2906319 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

Wouldnt that be F her life?

shovels | 0

#2906368 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:11

No, he has to marry her

applesuckers | 0

#2907124 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:55

He doesn't have to, he chose to.

changetheworld | 0

#2907206 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:07

Um, boobs.? O.o

SneakherHead | 5

#2907208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

Boobs :D ^ . ^

sourgirl101 | 28

#2907249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:12

Look down 95's shirt and slowly spell

A T T I C

mynameis1339 | 0

#2907399 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:36

Dam 95 great rack.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:36

To 95, everytime you comment I will imagine titty fucking you. That is all have a nice day.

SneakherHead | 5

#2910423 - Sunday 17 July 2011 3:25

B00BS :O ^ . ^

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2911053 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:23

95- kinky pic and name ^_^

Angeon | 5

#3694984 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:19

Cute as hell

bluevayero | 42

#5261203 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:06

no cause he just found out whats going to happen to him

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

AppleCoFreak | 0

#2906973 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:30

Now that was a good one

efieldd4 | 0

#2911191 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:58

ohhh, clever!

emodude44 | 0

#2912824 - Sunday 17 July 2011 9:13

Take these sunglasses and make me proud.

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#4636737 - Sunday 1 July 2012 3:47

I applaud you sir :) great comment!

By sieera00 | 8

#2906332 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

that sucks for her but congrats!! :)

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

BlackOpsPWNR | 0

#2912278 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:41

your thins ups(143 right now) say iloveyou

evilamoebaattack | 20

#5999484 - Sunday 6 July 2014 7:26

a slappy bird, apparently xD

By FacePalm69 | 0

#2906346 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

Imaging this made me laugh.Hehehe

edogy | 0

#2906586 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:37

ditto

Sarajean32 | 5

#2908316 - Saturday 16 July 2011 21:02

HAH! Right?!

By Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2906353 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:10

LOL. btw Congrats (:

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2906382 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

At least she's happy. It could've been worse by her saying no.

MrSassypants | 32

#2906904 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:19

What if she was flapping her hands around being so happy that she could finally say no and lead to a break-up because she doesn't want to be with OP anymore? What if she was trying to fly away? Meh.

By Bluesheep_fml | 4

#2906394 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:13

Haha, awesome :p
Congrats btw : D