Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she...

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 6 070

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Our house, in the middle of our street

Unreasonable

By Patrick R - 09/06/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 6 967

By DesperateMother - 28/06/2016 10:12 - France - Wasselonne

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 783

You deserved it 1 036

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 282

You deserved it 7 811

Bored of you

By ajwwfc - 19/10/2020 23:03 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 747

You deserved it 17 051

By mexicandelicacy - 04/03/2012 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 617

You deserved it 6 239

The spirit of John Lennon

By Becks - 07/09/2020 23:01

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 91

By xloverin - 14/11/2015 16:23 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 12 087

By Jack Faire - 12/02/2019 02:00

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 573

By FUCK.THIS.JOB. - 08/07/2013 05:57 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 4 611

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 760

You deserved it 67 539

Hesitation

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 1 613

By superman21 - 28/09/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 233

You deserved it 6 537

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - 27/05/2016 04:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 106

You deserved it 1 579

By anon17 - 18/03/2010 13:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 3 251

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 234

You deserved it 5 354

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 17:36 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 880

You deserved it 6 095

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 383

You deserved it 54 706

By hellogoodbye - 06/06/2009 03:36 - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 12 441

FEED ME

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 23:02

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 121

Check this out

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 17:00

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 1 730

Just ask

By Messy love life - 19/02/2021 12:31 - India

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 1 221

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 120

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 02:01

Today, I revealed to my parents that I'm planning on opening a food truck in the next few months. They both laughed in my face and said I'll never make any money. I've been working on this for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 800

You deserved it 2 834

By hatemyjob - 27/10/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 250

You deserved it 2 023

By partypooper - 28/07/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 371

You deserved it 3 005

Venus in Furs

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend asked my dad why he gave me the nickname "Bear," which he has called me since I was very little. My dad responded, "Because she has a hairy back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 547

You deserved it 8 334

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 20:01

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 141

By ellisp1 - 04/07/2017 22:10

Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 129

You deserved it 464

By XLhottie - 06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 137

You deserved it 22 989

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 5 345

By emancipate my ass - 24/07/2016 04:02

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 635

You deserved it 1 549

By LuxTheSarcastic - 06/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 860

You deserved it 2 338

By Catherine - 10/06/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 588

You deserved it 5 934

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 613

You deserved it 58 076

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 743

You deserved it 4 317

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 20:22 - United States - Newark

Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 026

You deserved it 1 705

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 08:47 - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 676

You deserved it 2 905

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Top comments

davemojo 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

lovelydarlings 6

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

Kirashai 9

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:07

Ouch... but congratulations!!

OWNZ 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

Sounds like a real keeper! Now LET THE BLONDE JOKES BEGIN!!!

Zya_fml 8

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She just couldn't take it. They were tears of joy and pain combined.

Valentina_Baby 7

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She sounds like she's 12 lol

BaconDave 12

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:30

I don't see any blonde jokes

ObeseKitten 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:46

In this case it should be; Congraturations.

JipvS 15

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:09

That is so funny I can't imagine it didn't really happen. x)

Aim4thebullseye 4

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:27

she's a keeper

OWNZ 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:51

27- i know! Im dissapointed in you people! I figured it would be a perfect set up for some awesome blond jokes...

nicobington 1

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:03

number 12 i see what you did there

kyarush 10

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:56

lol that's also cute... sooo atleast she didn't say no

futtbuck101 1

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Saturday 16 July 2011 19:15

Is she related to Forrest Gump?

Iamnotmyself 17

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Saturday 16 July 2011 19:18

girlfriend: OMG OMG OMG *smack* ow ! *cries* this is a sign from god! boyfriend: What!? girlfriend: I'm sorry Jimmy boyfriend : Damn you God!

Malkria 1

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Saturday 16 July 2011 19:23

hahahaha nice one 131 that's funny! XD

TheNewGuy03 28

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Saturday 16 July 2011 20:13

congrats for being the first person to be engaged to a headless chicken. but seriously, congrats.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Saturday 16 July 2011 20:25

-148 Only in Canada!

YourEvilHero 12

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Saturday 16 July 2011 22:17

15 looks like boxxy

2ndSucks 15

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:27

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I got so excited I began flapping my hands like an airhead blonde and proceeded to slap myself in the face. FML

StopDropNRoll 11

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Sunday 17 July 2011 4:29

You forgot the part where you started crying!

2ndSucks 15

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Sunday 17 July 2011 5:33

I left it out cause I was embarrassed. :(

fmlwmty 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 7:09

& ur marrying her?

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 18 July 2011 6:43

owned, did she say yes?

canuckian028 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

How is that an FML?

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:27

you made her so happy she had to smack herself back to reality, explaining the tears of joy not pain....

lilxsexii 4

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

Wouldnt that be F her life?

shovels 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:11

No, he has to marry her

applesuckers 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:55

He doesn't have to, he chose to.

changetheworld 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:07

Um, boobs.? O.o

SneakherHead 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

Boobs :D ^ . ^

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:12

Look down 95's shirt and slowly spell A T T I C

mynameis1339 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 18:36

Dam 95 great rack.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Saturday 16 July 2011 20:36

To 95, everytime you comment I will imagine titty fucking you. That is all have a nice day.

SneakherHead 5

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Sunday 17 July 2011 3:25

B00BS :O ^ . ^

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Sunday 17 July 2011 5:23

95- kinky pic and name ^_^

Angeon 5

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Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:19

Cute as hell

bluevayero 42

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:06

no cause he just found out whats going to happen to him

lovelydarlings 6

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

AppleCoFreak 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:30

Now that was a good one

efieldd4 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 5:58

ohhh, clever!

emodude44 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 9:13

Take these sunglasses and make me proud.

ArielTheMermaid 17

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:47

I applaud you sir :) great comment!

sieera00 8

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

that sucks for her but congrats!! :)

davemojo 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

BlackOpsPWNR 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 7:41

your thins ups(143 right now) say iloveyou

evilamoebaattack 20

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Sunday 6 July 2014 7:26

a slappy bird, apparently xD

FacePalm69 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

Imaging this made me laugh.Hehehe

edogy 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:37

ditto

Sarajean32 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 21:02

HAH! Right?!

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:10

LOL. btw Congrats (:

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

At least she's happy. It could've been worse by her saying no.

MrSassypants 32

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Saturday 16 July 2011 17:19

What if she was flapping her hands around being so happy that she could finally say no and lead to a break-up because she doesn't want to be with OP anymore? What if she was trying to fly away? Meh.