Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41341

You deserved it

6068

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Love

Weird kid

Freak out

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53812

You deserved it

3308

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By me - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

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34316

You deserved it

7337

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By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46280

You deserved it

7740

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By Lucyferia Michelle - 9/4/2021 11:00

GERD Gang!

Today, I learned that I have multiple gallstones, even though the lab report said I only had one. However, the pain is both in my left side and right side, as well as around my navel. I also have Chronic GERD and IBS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

772

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 20:00

It's mine now

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1534

You deserved it

129

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By MillyMan - United States

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10898

You deserved it

35327

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By Lissy - 5/1/2021 14:02

You're my mommy now

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

172

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By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37251

You deserved it

5149

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22982

You deserved it

50147

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By pop_rox - United States

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10249

You deserved it

28516

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By inpuredeceit - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40771

You deserved it

3104

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27464

You deserved it

3411

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By fmlprobot - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46193

You deserved it

4650

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By Anonymous - United States - College Station

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47916

You deserved it

5904

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By CarouselHeart - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12323

You deserved it

1272

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Is this Brexit?

Today, in the same sentence, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to "spend the rest of his life with me," and "I want to break up with you because I can't face your family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1697

You deserved it

131

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By badhair - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36016

You deserved it

6205

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By Anonymous - United States - Odenton

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56874

You deserved it

7155

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By Anonymous - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43323

You deserved it

5835

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11138

You deserved it

38618

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 22:58

Saucy devil

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

874

You deserved it

123

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 23:02 - United States

OK, bye then

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

154

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2049

You deserved it

153

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By Pat - 22/9/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

New relations

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

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1287

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By bella - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53938

You deserved it

5089

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By Ixi_the_pixie - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40802

You deserved it

4752

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By grampsisgay - United States

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13226

You deserved it

79915

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By sillybrohos - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9282

You deserved it

33702

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55769

You deserved it

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By boardman - United States

Creeped out

Today, I found out my parents joined the mile-high club. While I was on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69279

You deserved it

4940

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37149

You deserved it

3439

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By a fatty

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11663

You deserved it

36332

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By mom - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6757

You deserved it

85421

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61720

You deserved it

3097

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By HatedbyBras - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50225

You deserved it

25143

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By fatnick - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24933

You deserved it

3287

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By krray

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4853

You deserved it

667

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31841

You deserved it

12470

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By JEalmon12

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

781

You deserved it

1690

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By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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14115

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Top comments

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

COMMENTS

By Kirashai | 9

#2906307 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:07

Ouch... but congratulations!!

OWNZ | 0

#2906384 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

Sounds like a real keeper! Now LET THE BLONDE JOKES BEGIN!!!

Zya_fml | 8

#2906423 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She just couldn't take it. They were tears of joy and pain combined.

Valentina_Baby | 7

#2906426 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:15

She sounds like she's 12 lol

BaconDave | 12

#2906535 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:30

I don't see any blonde jokes

ObeseKitten | 0

#2906674 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:46

In this case it should be; Congraturations.

JipvS | 15

#2906847 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:09

That is so funny I can't imagine it didn't really happen. x)

Aim4thebullseye | 4

#2906954 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:27

she's a keeper

OWNZ | 0

#2907083 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:51

27- i know! Im dissapointed in you people! I figured it would be a perfect set up for some awesome blond jokes...

nicobington | 1

#2907183 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:03

number 12 i see what you did there

kyarush | 10

#2907549 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:56

lol that's also cute... sooo atleast she didn't say no

futtbuck101 | 1

#2907645 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:15

Is she related to Forrest Gump?

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2907655 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:18

girlfriend: OMG OMG OMG *smack* ow ! *cries* this is a sign from god!
boyfriend: What!?
girlfriend: I'm sorry Jimmy
boyfriend : Damn you God!

Malkria | 1

#2907662 - Saturday 16 July 2011 19:23

hahahaha nice one 131 that's funny! XD

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#2908136 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:13

congrats for being the first person to be engaged to a headless chicken. but seriously, congrats.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:25

-148 Only in Canada!

YourEvilHero | 12

#2908508 - Saturday 16 July 2011 22:17

15 looks like boxxy

2ndSucks | 15

#2908846 - Saturday 16 July 2011 23:27

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I got so excited I began flapping my hands like an airhead blonde and proceeded to slap myself in the face. FML

StopDropNRoll | 11

#2910753 - Sunday 17 July 2011 4:29

You forgot the part where you started crying!

2ndSucks | 15

#2911086 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:33

I left it out cause I was embarrassed. :(

fmlwmty | 0

#2911551 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:09

& ur marrying her?

EvilPotato | 14

#2919108 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:43

owned, did she say yes?

By canuckian028 | 0

#2906317 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

How is that an FML?

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2906522 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:27

you made her so happy she had to smack herself back to reality, explaining the tears of joy not pain....

By lilxsexii | 4

#2906319 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

Wouldnt that be F her life?

shovels | 0

#2906368 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:11

No, he has to marry her

applesuckers | 0

#2907124 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:55

He doesn't have to, he chose to.

changetheworld | 0

#2907206 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:07

Um, boobs.? O.o

SneakherHead | 5

#2907208 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

Boobs :D ^ . ^

sourgirl101 | 28

#2907249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:12

Look down 95's shirt and slowly spell

A T T I C

mynameis1339 | 0

#2907399 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:36

Dam 95 great rack.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2908249 - Saturday 16 July 2011 20:36

To 95, everytime you comment I will imagine titty fucking you. That is all have a nice day.

SneakherHead | 5

#2910423 - Sunday 17 July 2011 3:25

B00BS :O ^ . ^

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2911053 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:23

95- kinky pic and name ^_^

Angeon | 5

#3694984 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:19

Cute as hell

bluevayero | 42

#5261203 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:06

no cause he just found out whats going to happen to him

By lovelydarlings | 6

#2906320 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:08

She was just slap happy!

AppleCoFreak | 0

#2906973 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:30

Now that was a good one

efieldd4 | 0

#2911191 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:58

ohhh, clever!

emodude44 | 0

#2912824 - Sunday 17 July 2011 9:13

Take these sunglasses and make me proud.

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#4636737 - Sunday 1 July 2012 3:47

I applaud you sir :) great comment!

By sieera00 | 8

#2906332 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

that sucks for her but congrats!! :)

By davemojo | 0

#2906342 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

congratulations ur goin to marry abird

BlackOpsPWNR | 0

#2912278 - Sunday 17 July 2011 7:41

your thins ups(143 right now) say iloveyou

evilamoebaattack | 20

#5999484 - Sunday 6 July 2014 7:26

a slappy bird, apparently xD

By FacePalm69 | 0

#2906346 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:09

Imaging this made me laugh.Hehehe

edogy | 0

#2906586 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:37

ditto

Sarajean32 | 5

#2908316 - Saturday 16 July 2011 21:02

HAH! Right?!

By Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2906353 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:10

LOL. btw Congrats (:

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2906382 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:12

At least she's happy. It could've been worse by her saying no.

MrSassypants | 32

#2906904 - Saturday 16 July 2011 17:19

What if she was flapping her hands around being so happy that she could finally say no and lead to a break-up because she doesn't want to be with OP anymore? What if she was trying to fly away? Meh.

By Bluesheep_fml | 4

#2906394 - Saturday 16 July 2011 16:13

Haha, awesome :p
Congrats btw : D